For the time being staying home and staying off adderrall, it will take two weeks to detox, and be put on stronger meds, to cope with the mental health issues. I think at a time like this when it becomes personal and political that doesn’t really help much, so when its good to hear from others its usually on a positive note. Now’s a good time for “reflective listening,” just read that, “Reflective listening is a kind of “checking out” process to determine that both you and the speaker understand what he or she is trying to say.” [1] So I can understand that when trying to understand someone, you also don’t want to be brought into another persons problems in life, so although my life has been less and perfect as of recently, do my best to continue on the path to recovering from mental health issues. I think that the bipolar got worse by circumstance but that could just be me talking, seeing a new psychiatrist now. Its hard to understand when someone is on meds and I get that, in talking to someone, that they are hearing something else and not believing you, and that’s usually the pattern when mental health issues are at bay, its something recognizable to someone listening to you, but its not something that you can tell while talking. Recently Ive noticed that my conversations are different and my posts are different, and that’s not what social media is for combatting personal issues out loud, so that’s highly embarrassing, but Im sure that something that I will get over eventually. As someone who has spent the last 9 years alone, living alone 2004 to 2017, Ive never been a dependent, I have always been independent, and have never had sleep cycle issues, issues with delusions, voices, and have never been in a fight in my entire life. With mental health issues all of that changes it becomes less about you and more about others, and if you cant make others feel good, then also means not to make others feel responsible in the event that you are not feeling well. Im glad I went to Law School I don’t think I would have made it through half of my problems in life had I not gone to Law School. So much of life is about talking yourself through your problems, not necessarily about your ability to talk someone else through their problems which is required when you are well to say things that will help, and maybe even when you are not feeling well to be honest about where youre head is at. I cant describe the point at which writing becomes ineffective but its probably during phases when you are not sure of yourself, the power you give to others when you are not sure about yourself can be a tremendous doubt in their minds about you, so allow those confidences to occur, that they are not in your shoes talking about their problems to the world or introducing themselves and their relationship to every big story, which should never be about you if its not about you, so hold off on the hashtags and @, think what will it matter to integrate what I have to say with another person life, then think how will my identity coupled with the identity of someone else interact in the minds of others combining my information and their know how, how will that look, how will that seem, and how will that process. That is something I am thinking about right now, with my information online, easy to read, hard to assemble, and not easy to be on the receiving end of doubts in life, and that much a court cannot help you with, when things appear as though there is something wrong with you, and when anyone is trying to figure out what is wrong with you, that is something you should be able to tell for yourself, but with mental health issues, if there is something wrong with you that you cannot figure out for yourself, then there may be no one who can help you with what is wrong with you, and that’s how things get worse, when people think there is something wrong with you when you are doing well, and then are not happy with you when you are doing your best. 

Reference:

[1] https://www.maxwell.syr.edu/uploadedfiles/parcc/cmc/reflective%20listening%20nk.pdf