I Wrote to a Journalist …

Recently struggling with confidentiality, why I left my last job at Peace Over Violence, with regards to my own personal safety needs, what is ongoing behind my back and to me without me knowing, going through my computer and iphone records (photo and video portfolios) with recent Instagram changes found deleted folders of filed items saved with headings, and email folders deleted in regards to what or who is harming me. I think when it comes to preserving your safety needs that’s about mental health and physical health not so much about who or what is being done, not unless it is done to hurt you and with visible results. I have constantly been working on my mental health and while I may not know everything causes and circumstances for me not feeling well I am always doing my best and it is not something that I need to lie about if it is something that I can describe and something that another can visualize or come to understand is happening to me, or causing there to be a change to me my body or my face, which is hard to discern at times the exact causes if I am not keeping up with correspondences to me, not from my correspondence with others alone. There are many ways to be hurt online, and its through written record and photograph that you are made to be brought into question your sanity and your physical and mental health, and that is what is used to discriminate against you, either in your favor supported or not supported based on what you look like and sound like, the affected party, or being tried or attacked as though you are the one who is disfigured and defective impression, upon you or made upon others, and that’s the problem with blogging, either you are a positive influence and proven so, or if hurt in the process makes it difficult to write and to be there for others with a weakened spirit, ie, your physical and mental health deteriorating from unwanted focus upon you, or negative interpretation made of you. I think Ive always done my best to keep accurate records and to be transparent meaning that even if anyone were to go through my things to be so organized in a way that information is easy to find, discern, and with plentiful records to corrorborate what it is I am thinking or going through at the time, for a decision to be rendered as to what is ongoing on my end, something that I can take care of on my own such as a psychiatric condition, versus what is happening to me, someone trying to hurt me or to get others to hurt me by misdescribing my condition, in a hurtful way, no one asks to go through mental health issues, and I think mine are far more painful than most endure on their own, especially as a blogger or influencer online, there is so much to keep track of and all your time online is incredibly valuable what you have to share, so make sure that its important, well thought out, and don’t waste the time of others talking about life, if you have not figured out for yourself how to get through something on our own, sometimes we don’t get to strong again if we keep getting hurt by people, and maybe that is not something that can be overcome through writing alone, and certainly not corrected by association or by another identity, it will be upon improving my own identity that you are enabled to make others feel stronger, or my resolute in their opinions that they hold on life and their sense of being, and its in criticism of you, that you become doubted or thought to be the transcender of a ideology of being that’s not affected but seeks to change others, if you are not yet perfected and have improved its hard to perfect and make better others and that’s a simple lesson in life, in trying to help others or change others for the better, you have to set a good example, and embody spiritually that sense of being and strength that you so desire for others to obtain in their own lives and outlooks when it comes to dealing with the everyday stresses of being known to watched, whats in your control, your being, and lets hope that our sense of being cannot be changed or molded simply by someone watching or going through your things you have to be an incredibly strong person spiritually and be fit to keep up with all factors and variables to know whats coming from you, whats your voice, versus what it’s the voice of another and where is that negative voice coming from, so supported by a negative take on your life and sexuality or sense of being, weight, and face, or body shape, Im only 36, but that doesn’t mean that other bodies are strong enough to handle the stress of the negative be misdirected to believe that there is something coming from my body or the bodies of those around me that does not make sense to their body and to their mind, we will not get along with everyone, but its not okay to hurt the bodies of people who you think are not aligned or in agreement to what your concerns are if it is you that is soliciting for and eliciting for a negative reaction and then not settled until a sickness occurs is not a legal confirmation of the substance for a concern to be made true by creating an illness in another to corroborate your viewpoint of a person being sick to create a sickness manmade through negative input to see how a persons body and face responds to something that they cannot see being done to them in the form of a mass communication made about them, to describe them as someone to target to be changed by others as though their inner being is not sound or smart enough to discern what is coming from them, a sexual identity that they do not assume with people, to assume is within them or transposed to the minds of others looking at them, and that’s what causes a dislike upon looking at a person. When a person looks weird, its because of something internal that is not sound with them its either something they can feel and do not know where it is coming from or its instilled within them by their own choice exposures as a result its how they are viewed by others that causes them to look weird in the face of others. 

Recently I wrote to a journalist to discuss my concerns which became my fear on 01/07/22 a criticism of me was made on a fan site, with a photo of a vagina that is not mine. I would never take weird and obnoxious photos and show my body in a way that causes disgust, I have never let myself go by choice, only by medications gained weight, I always do my best to be presentable, to age well, and think clearly, and speak to others with respect, its not in my repertoire to need help or assistance from others, its only now, since illness has consumed me its been encouraged to get a job, and blogging has been put to blame for my changed condition, not necessarily the harassment, and then blame my blogging for why I have bene harassed, I don’t think its fair to be attacked because of what you look like or what you sound like, since when is whats normal or a normal course of discussion about life and scientific discovery intended to be textbook accurate, I think like most things you learn as you go and you share your reservations and concerns along the way. In this instance because I misapplied what was stated to think could be cross-applied to me, that is how I was treated as someone who speaks to others sexually, I think that’s something that occurs either in acceptance of you or for love for you and with compassion others want you in their life in a sexual way, and like most interactions they start off as an interview to see if you are a match, and its by your comfort with self and sense of being that another is made to feel attracted to you, or does not pick up a signal from your body as another body that they want to combine with, why speaking and talking is one way to discern whether a match to see how one another’s words feel in the other, and that’s how you know whether your mind can tolerate what is being said to you, or whether a person is so far gone or doesn’t make sense that you do not wish to share the mind or space with a person, that you can either stand or not stand to be around or share bodies with. This treatment of me was a fear that’s only been disclosed to me through “auditory delusion,” and Im sure its because of the weight gain and questions to my sexuality that my face looked busted and flat and incongruent and disfigured and because my stomach was enlarged after it was diagnosed that I have a hemangioma in my liver which is caused by stress, I have never purposefully changed face not by exposure to faced, photograph, or by written or video record of my face, and have never stalked or transformed spiritually though the focus on others, I think Im very much focused on myself, not to connect with others in a way that they should be made to think about anyone, who is not worth thinking about, someone with problems or defective, which is why when I am going through a lot its better to use that energy whats left of you to improve and you don’t have the determination strength and mental strength to write and to face an opposition or criticism of you and easily can become frustrated in the pain and anguish of criticism of you, as though you brought your problems upon yourself, I don’t think anyone assumes that in talking to someone that they will be attacked for what they have to say, since when is it about protecting your person or body by attacking the body or person or mental health of a person, you tell me who improves or what is proven when my body goes into deterioration or I am made to be in physical pain and headache for three days why make me question my health or thinking if Im not writing and not sharing my thinking then why should I be punished for being well without sharing my thinking of photos with everyone since when do you need permission each day for the passage of each day to survive and be alive with permission or punishment, or ridicule in the event you are treated as though you are not strong or dying or suicidal, no one chooses to be sick and in times of sickness its important to let things be, and if you are being harmed to figure out what hurts when you get hurt and how are others hurt when you get hurt and how are you being damaged and how does that affect the spiritual being and livelihood of a human body that is connected to you, so why blog if that’s the case? -What was said was only shared to two accounts saved by screen shot to my iphone. I think I keep accurate records of all transactions and communications, which has led me to believe that my phone was hacked and for those records to be reviewed beyond who I sent that information or commentary to, to be used to hurt me in a way by calling me a P. Its what you don’t see that hurts you whether a correspondence made to you unseen by you, is what weakens your power physically causing sickness to me. Its in confronting the accusation that it can be made clear your thinking progress photogenically, whats you versus what is impressed upon you, a negative interpretation (for example), that’s what hurts your head if not made aware the source, cause, or if left open assumed to be worse than you are if not spoken about without publicly displayed evidence of you presently.  

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