Psychosis is a feeling that you get through it can describe an emotionally unmanageable position in which you feel isolated or alone the terms of the environment around you hectic chaotic as though something is happening to you that you cannot control … when things are out of control that’s when you have to keep yourself in control and control what elements within you you can manage. This is why they say to take it one day at a time, when overcoming psychosis or any chaotic situation it can take days weeks or months to be physically able to adjust to a situation in which you don’t feel compelled to talk about any chaos or symptoms or explain yourself to others or your instability if it only means more rejection or distance it will not be as things seem. I think it’s common for people to get upset and to express their resentments toward you. I’m the type of person who is not allowed to get upset, who is expected to be happy, and loving toward all and I think I was that way and I’m that way non judgmental not concerned with the causes for thinking (paranoid or guilty which is what instability looks like like you are not well by who is well or not strengthened by the strength of others inferior or offended by the clarity of others assume consequential or result of mistreatment). I’m not concerned for the origins of thought processes or assumptions. It becomes about you once you become concerned or critical of others that’s when a laundry list of what’s wrong with you is used to illustrate that your concept or understanding is not applicable to the lives of others. That’s to keep you away from men if you are mentally ill argue you don’t deserve love or attention hit your head or psychotic or not worth loving wrongfully accuse you of being hurtful by a condition that is a diagnosis not your fault you are this way of how it happened (voices). And to keep you away from women to wrongfully accuse you of having an identity or mental illness that makes you inhospitable to the conditions of others they don’t want changed by what your condition is not be influenced that’s if they don’t see you as strong for others and perceive your strength to be about having things or controlling people who don’t need control or influence not strong by you is offended by you why people offend people who they don’t feel strong by, put down. (Why I stay away from everyone not close to anyone!) I think being a self development blogger I was able to show how you can go from suffering in bed all day, overweight to weight loss, failure to success, by healing and moving forward in life and have demonstrated that it is a long journey so that others encountering the challenge don’t feel disheartened by their symptoms or circumstances. I have been able to recover from bad situations, mental illness (self harm, suicidal), because I go to the hospital everytime I don’t feel well, feel tired, off center, weak, insecure, giving up, alone, or symptomatic if you can’t control what’s going on and can’t function meaning you can work, have friends, go to AA, write, sedentary, in bed, not journaling or calendaring, exercising, not talking to people, that’s a problem and that’s the problem with trying to solve your problems on your own things will feel worse than they are when in doubt that’s why you check in with another person who is not in the same situation as you in life and based on what you have to say establishes what the current issue is that you have to work on. This is how blogging helped me everyday I would write notes in a spiral notebook of things to think about and work on, when you have perspective over what’s bothering you that’s the first step to getting help, next is what you choose to discuss there will be different arenas and different things okay to talk about in depth or lightly depending on the group of people you are talking to. In rehab I saw my roommate studying a book on her diagnosis, they have text books! That’s good advice. Which led me to research my own diagnosis when you are in denial you don’t study things that you think you are not you comply with meds but unless you know the reasons for people thinking that of you you can’t change what it is about you that bothers others or causes them to be concerned with you.

Everything in life is a test, therefore always be yourself, sometimes hate is justified by what people think seeking to confirm about you to excuse their dislike or negative judgment for you. I have been bedded by 22+ men so to me not dating makes sense to others it’s an excuse to wrongfully illustrate me as though I’m in a confused or defective position in life that translates to others or convinces others of a way of life in which I am now schizophrenic. That’s not how to be better understood or to get love in life or friendship by sexual means that makes everything in life complicated and uncomfortable including those who you have not met yet in life viewing you as predator or gay or someone not benefited by who has benefited them complaining or now with diagnosis wrongfully accuse you of being close to others with a known condition not disclosed wrongfully accuse you of fraud or for conversing or interacting with others in a gay way that makes others uncomfortable there is no need for quiet miscommunication when the issue is gay all you have to do is be clear on it so that others can comprehend why you are not friends and don’t talk to eachother and they can later respect you for that and feel empowered that what they are going through though much different from what you are going through more confident in themselves. That’s a positive take on life when people feel confident so long as others don’t abuse your disposition in life push you around we hope that people are kind to those who they feel better by or reassured by in life. You will meet a lot of people along your way in life everyone with different struggles many overcome addiction, punishment, and sex identity issues, defamation, and hate, it’s mostly what people can’t relate to becomes excuse for dislike treating you as defective when it’s their feelings or inability to relate to you that is the cause for their anger towards you mislabeling you lesbian and trying to spread hate towards you for not being a dumb woman sexual with them. You know not everyone feels like performing to those standards so I’m sorry if I’m closed off or to myself and don’t feel comfortable being close with anyone that’s how I am, either invited into a space comforted by others, or hated on aggressive towards me pushy and judgmental as though my brain or body needs correction and doesn’t function normally or in a gay way around people or within conversations spread gay I’m not gay.