Personal Update …

I had a bad day yesterday my symptoms of schizophrenia were acting up and that affected my content on my blog to be out there and investigatory and traumatizing. So instead of analyzing what’s going on in the news it’s best to focus on myself. Shed light onto own life experiences not the experiences of others. Doing my best to stay steady managing my private life and difficulties. Things have been going better for me but still struggling to stay normal day to day and some days get voices still which is never fun. Doing my best to keep busy and write and stay positive and fix my content by taking courses on Udemy for help with focus how to life coach and change the ongoing dialogue on my blog more toward solution without creating problems in my head that I don’t have in real life. Mostly I’ve been calm to myself. Trying to be social again and date but still not 100%, only lasted 6 months with no self harm and seemed to happen again responding to emails. Work is going well writing they are pleased with my work say that it’s been helpful to their audience, so I’m glad that all my time blogging on my own has made a difference. I get to write professionally now learn how to write and publish articles properly. Still learning there’s always room for growth. Trying to work out again go to the gym and run at least 3x a week then add to my schedule. I lost 10 lbs I think, I was 195 lbs at my last doctors appt and now somewhere around 185 lbs, with dieting and using a calorie counting app to keep track. Going back to AA meetings for help managing psychosis (voices) get some peace and quiet and prayer, try to go everyday until I’m strong again. Hopefully helps for some accountability in terms of doing something with my life to improve not be viewed as not doing anything with my life blogging. Some things have to be done in real life to change and to show others that you’ve changed and trying to improve and recognize your mistakes past and that that’s not on your agenda in life to date, drink, go out, or do anything else to fall off course in life including not get too emotionally invested pen paling with anyone online, which I seldom do these days have been keeping busy doing more than talking about things I think or want to help make happen for others, achieve motivation and peace themselves. There’s creativity and exploring ideas and your thinking (like in therapy) and there is reality and blogging, so try to do a better job of achieving positive results in life figure out a new system for managing stats and figure out what I want to dedicate my time to online where I feel most safe and the least paranoid or not at ease. It’s important for me to be in control of my content, with awareness of now potential to be hurt or mismanaged by others. Just re-thinking how to go about blogging in the safest way possible for myself without getting hurt, which also includes the topics I choose to talk about. If I have to go to the courthouse or call police probably means not to talk about it period not in private or online if it’s something scary to me it’s not my job to decipher scary or share my input if it only subjects me to harm or negative interpretation. I try to help when I can share opinion. If I’m feeling certain about it and not worried or getting stressed over something I posted, if I’m fearing a reaction, then it’s better to leave in drafts until a later time when I’m more stable to share and open up. Its hard to share what you think in instability when you are not sure of what’s going on and then try to talk about what you see or think be judged as not clear headed when really it’s about not having experience with approaching a subject well enough to be confident in talking about the subject. I think is what happens when you get threatened or scared you lose confidence in life in your decision making to confidently move forward at peace and at ease. My current dilemma.

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