Not being happy with me causes me voices when I need to be alone or when people are upset with me that hurts my head so if I’m stable quiet I’m not allowed meditation time to space out when I space out I’m interrupted or when I’m feeling good I’m interrupted. It’s when I’m calm regular either do more or if I’m overwhelmed maxed out that bothers troubles or gets ignored which is not anything I’m worried about response when I’m not well is not expected. I can tell and anyone talking can tell when I tell people how I am or how I’m feeling in a personal update. What’s disappointing is to not be able to pursue a career in blogging because it does not make money and I need to make money to provide for myself and it’s considered unimportant to blog if you are writing without having a job. So if the issue is displeasure it’s from whoever feel ms not good enough so either I’m doing my best writing well or it’s a theme “enough” to allude to Brady inflict guilt into me or pressure as though I am not motivated and well want yo help others you know your drive in life cannot be changed in the basis of how well good or bad others are doing and there’s no calls to action in life that change you or make you want to help others or communicate to you personally who to help and why and nothing on my end that communicates to me that I have to help because my mind is in a state similar to anyone who has done wrong misconnect my temperament to a wrongdoer. I have a brain on any meds I can function write study on any meds I don’t have addiction, I zone out, I’m not visual, I don’t remember faces. What I don’t like is learning about the beauty of life watching my face talking to me or connecting to see if I look like you then to be mistreated as though I’m supposed to know who I’m connected to by what my face looks like or by who I look at, I don’t discriminate, I don’t for drugs, I don’t want or need drugs, I don’t have guilts, I work hard. When people are upset with you who’s fault is that it’s supposed to be your fault and so all the more reason in the event that you get sick to try to teach you as though you are connected to people to look like others (no I look like me by myself writing) so the cause for their upset in argument my head hurts and stomach hurts (is thinking I’m out connected to things or people a bad connection in life) when I’m being told that I’ve done something wrong when I’m not doing anything wrong alone in my car. I told my family today I’m sorry if they look bad being exposed by someone allowed to degrade me online but I’m not allowed to share my writing and instead of nude photos he’s showing blocked from Facebook as sexual my website was blocked as sexual I’m not sexual you will not get goofy from me or stupid thoughts get visuals or nightmares you won’t get snells or worries because my body is alive and working and my words are clear to see and read made by me because my hands have not done anything bad to self or others that you can get a reading from a completed work that gives you the sense something is off or wrong or cannot be understood clouded by you can choose to concentrate on whatever gives you clarity in life I don’t flirt or make stupid bad decision makers of others I’m not a stupid decision maker I think a lot like to be alone what’s pathetic about me is that I’m not cool or rich independent I have schizophrenia because bullied thought less of I’m not negative I don’t have anger I don’t talk $hit about people I don’t give dirty looks I don’t think I’m smarter than others or see people as dumb or think they see me as small. When things become equal is when you write if you are thinking you are not treated as an equal because they think you don’t have thoughts or are not sharing your thoughts to see if your brain is disorganized or your thoughts are I’m tired I haven’t slept in two days I’m sitting still I’m not hyper I don’t have energy. I’m not burnt out. Everything’s about being treated guilty or cleared from guilt liked because of you are treated as guilty then it takes too much energy rejection and time recovering to get to any state to be happy among a group happiness is achieved not including who is being watched if you are being watched you are not apart of those at ease if you are being watched you are under pressure and everyone else is at ease. I already said I don’t feel well today talked to a suicide hotline I was sent to by the CHP, at courthouse today, check in with my mental health. There nothing shocking about not feeling well you either have energy or you lose energy it’s not about anyone else there is nothing to be upset by there no time frame deadline or clock of stuff to get done before anything bad happens or to make everything okay. Unhappiness is why don’t you feel good when others are good to try to treat you as nonsensical when it’s peaceful or others are feeling good I won’t make sense like today if I’m tired haven’t slept others upset with me. That’s plain and simple. My hyper songs are in memory of coming out of my shell with Todd being free feeling, nostalgic, silly, and to share about matches is rethinking when can I date or why not and what’s appropriate and what’s not, time is limited when people are well and time is lost when people who don’t need you inflict guilt into you like you are avoiding people not doing something else important in a place in life you don’t have energy to fight I don’t know why people fight me expect me to be well when they are on and treat me like I’m off all the time I am just not on when I’m approached and then people hard on me for not being on I had no idea that everything is based on what your head is connected to among the on going off of or the sick going off of gone, so that’s a style of recognizing who to be proud of or not be proud of or in denial of anyone with disability we assumed did not have disability hard on expected to be faster in life. —Going home now taking meds I’m sorry I got really sick today tired slow depressed I crashed on my first day of work I’m not an offender or burnt out I just need sleep so please don’t treat me like anything dumb is coming off my body or words dumb is focused on and gives you nothing back or irritates not true doesn’t make sense or hurts your head why they don’t like drug addicts because it disorients you from concentrating on someone who is hurting their body doesn’t care about their health and if they don’t care about their health then no one wants to be connected to a body that feels bad or has characteristics of someone who feels bad about themselves so people don’t lose confidence made to not feel good about themselves why people who feel good stay connected amongst eachother.