At some point I would disclose who I am, what Ive been through academically, and hospitalized 9x, and have done so, but now is not a point in my life, where I am strong enough having overcome a difficulty that I can sit back and rest on my laurels, that’s how respect is lost, when you have made it this far, and you make jokes, or don’t continue to provide meaningful insights to others based on where you are standing. I found out today that a member of my AA group passed away, his Memorial was yesterday, I haven’t been to meetings continuous for many years now and just started attending again, when they opened up again after COVID. So nothings perfect, there will be losses, there will be setback, there will be confusion, there will be relapse, there will be suffering, there will be alcoholism, there will be health concerns, there will be mental health issues, there will be mental illness, these are facts of life, never did I think that I would be one to have gone through so much (I feel like for no reason) and then spoke, and it couldn’t change or make different what has passed, and whos fault is that? I don’t consider myself a “speakeasy” or anyone all knowing to issues “war” “crime” “shootings” relevant to claim expert to any cause or circumstance, I can only share based on from where Im standing whats hard or difficult to get through, and sometimes whats hard to understand about others is a disease or diagnosis like “gay” or “schizophrenia” or “bi” things that are shocking to your mind, are not intended to shock your mind, and just like its shocking to your mind its shocking to the mind of the person who has to adjust to this new condition and identity that they did not always have a say in, born that way, so when it comes to acceptance, lets not just think about all the groups that a small percentage of us are highlighted in the news like “gender changes” and “homophobia run riot” “gay acceptance” and “mental health issues” and lets reflect on what those acceptances mean to the general population, that means HOPE, that means that when $hit hits the fan (someone will be there), when you can’t explain your own feelings (someone has been there), when you don’t like yourself (someone will be nice to you), and when you share your story (someone will listen).

What makes my blog popular? I was thinking this today, listening to a Udemy Course on how to Build a Course, it needs software I just found out, good to know, in learning for my future potential, continuing my education I was taught an important lesson today on what you have to offer the world and being able to monetize what you have to offer the world, and what makes me of value to the world, what makes people read my blog, and why is it read, and what makes it of value. I think its more than who I know in life that makes my blog worth a read, it must be some release from the confines of being small minded or judgmental, or close minded to world ideas, philosophies, and opinions. I think my blog, energizes those qualities in others, I think my blog helps others hit the ground running. I think when others see me they reflect, feel in control, and think highly of themselves, and maybe its because of who I am (or who Im not Sydney Simpson’s Best Friend growing up), what not fair? Is that a billion dollars was made for a story that was pitched, for a client that is her Father, and my story on the other hand was viewed as stupid (or secondary, unimportant, or with racism, not interested in hearing), that’s by people who think they know better, well then reserve your shout outs for someone else naming sources of inspiration, it couldn’t possibly be me, Im tired of being met with disappointment. Well if I wasn’t treated as stupid, and if I could perform, then what made me stop performing in life, where did the head wind come, and where did the humor come from, and what makes that a confrontation upon who and why, and why would anyone think that I would be angry or confrontational toward anyone making fun of me, as far as Im concerned that’s the language of defamation, people who you don’t respect, who say things wrong, who you think youre better than, and think less of, hurt my head as reading you, looking down upon me, so that my head gets smaller and goes into pain like it just did today, and walked on the treadmill for 16 minutes.

People have problems and Im not one of them, all I want to know is why were special considerations not made of me as a law student, why are boyfriends cold to me but feel good by others, why is this a situation of treating me as though Ive done anything wrong, and why is my identity being scrutinized as though its hard to incorporate, since when was I declared famous, and need to be incorporated or worked with amongst others, all I want to know is why cited to to make fun of me a fabricate jokes to then misidentify me as someone I am not, how is that not schizophrenia, so why then is that okay, but I have to be on meds, but its okay for people to be aggressive toward me like Im taking away their ability to feel good, that’s them telling me like it is, then me speaking, then them not accepting of me, until my head hurts and Im in pain and suffering which I am now and EVERYDAY, everyday my head hurts, everyday my head in pain, everyday I have trouble moving, everyday Im in bed most of the day, so don’t sit there and tell me that Im not working hard or not doing something right, I work as hard as I can and keep busy everyday, studying, and thinking, and working on writing, Im not out here saying random things and hitting my head, when Im good and ready will sign to a modeling agency, take professional photos, and walk the runway one day, if I lose 50lbs, that’s what I deserve in life, to hold my head high, to be successful and professional, not on a blog, you call a speakeasy, then make fun of my Fort Myer fraud job, I had the card cancelled today and signing and affidavit soon in the mail, and there were charges in DUBAI, so don’t sit there and attack me like Im mismanaging my identity or credit, or money, I don’t do business with anyone, I don’t talk to anyone, I ONLY TALK TO TODD SPITZER, I have no desire to do business or make money from anyone. Im innocent, Im going to do VOLUNTEER WORK, MODEL, WORK FROM HOME, because I was given Schizophrenia, and if it hurts my head and my head goes into pain dating that means that people are not in acceptance of me dating ROB DEBAKEY and since my story includes a suicide attempt February 2009 unrelated to ROB DEBAKEY. I don’t need you in my life around my life reading my life or critical of my life to check and double check anyone else’s timelines in life including #scotus and Barack Obama, we were not connected, but because everyone decided to connect in a way that I became disconnected suicidal, that’s the controversy, then be wrongfully accused of not being connected mentally, no my thoughts are on point: FLORIDA! (not connected by story). That’s not okay that that happened, and that’s not okay that that happened, and that job happened, and that’s not okay for that job to have happened to me and no one helped me, you cant just make me disappear in life, or put my phone number on the dark web, Im not dying for anyone, I don’t deserve to be defamed, or to die for anyone, and a SOLDIER TEXTED ME TODAY, so if life is too hard for you guys to not give me a hard time dating Rob send voices, then I can get fucked by Soldier, until Im out of harms way and don’t have to be bodyguard to TODD SPITZER, SCOTUS, AND THE PRESIDENT, who’s heads don’t have to calculate any of this!