There’s no shame in the waiting game. When you’re good and ready to hit the field running, make your jazzy Bumble or Tinder profile or any dating app you’re comfortable with you will be ready. Right now it’s about you, healing, forgiving, feeling lifted, thankful, happy, at peace, work on all those things before you get back out there, you’ll spare yourself the rejection of having those conversations with someone new instead of being in the present moment. 

We have all had things go wrong: Someone has come between us, one of us has gotten jealous, we have gotten tied up at work and too busy to talk, one of us fails to get in the mood, we have all been there, when things just don’t line up romantically. So what’s the key to eternal bliss with your special someone, it’s you! Are you happy for them, are you excited for them, are you being patient, are you enthusiastic about spending time with them, do you appreciate them, are you thankful that they are around. If not, what is keeping you from making someone else feel special, what is keeping you from giving a compliment, and what is keeping you from being all hugs, what will it take for you to adore someone, and completely give yourself to them. 

It doesn’t matter, I know what youre thinking, this only applies to women, no it doesn’t, and with the gender roles totally changing on us as women are getting stronger in the workforce and as influencers online, what is holding you back from being excited for what makes one another happy in life. Learn to love all parts of one another, no matter how mundane or boring life might sound talking about yourself. Sure there are exciting things about you. Its all in your delivery, and that matters to who you admire or want to be close to, show interest, don’t expect them to tell you everything about themselves. Ask good questions, and learn to talk, it’s not all about sex, and unleashing your inner freak with someone, that love can die fast, there’s got to be something more to your reasons for being intimate with others, other than for pleasure, how will this benefit you in the long run? 

How will you both feel lifted and lift others by engaging in pleasurable activities with others, that’s what you should have in common, one anothers wellness. When you have one another’s wellness in mind, it’s like you keep feeling good together no matter what happens, looking out for eachother, and backing off, or getting close when needed, sometimes that’s how to show that you care, being around not waiting for love to come to you. 

In this day and age you have to be proactive, I know it sucks when you get your hopes up and get suddenly deflated by a non-match, but it’s worth the energy points to get yourself out there, and Im sure they appreciate just seeing your face, so see it as practicing social skills and getting to know others, and hearing about them. You never know who will be made to feel better, or more confident by the next date, all those dates count, even if things don’t work out, so consider it a self-growth experience, rather than view things only in terms of attraction and rejection. There is more to life than being liked in that way, it’s okay to leave things at platonic, people are in different places in life, so if you’re not one who is down and comfortable sexually, it may be harder to find someone more experienced to flatter your fantasy, so knowing that be courteous of one another, there are teachers and there are learners, that’s just sex and intimacy, some more loving than others, so get to a place where you can be giving without hesitancy or shame. 

It’s the confidence you bring to a relationship is what makes it exciting, happy, fulfilling, and thoughtful, it encourages who you love that’s it’s okay to be themselves, and no matter what is read from them, they have you by their side, that no one should feel stupid by, what they look like, intimacy is all about feeling. Look at me, Im plus size, and was skinny only once in my life, and there always seems to be someone around who likes me, whether its an older gentleman on messenger, etc. I’m 37 and enjoy talking to a DA #toddspitzer, (don’t interpret life in that way you’re more likely to be hurt by like than you are to feel supported by them, sometimes when others are hard on you is to create boundary, or dating my Ex, and if I can get married one day, great! It all depends on what your goals are in life. 

Re: #toddspitzer … I’ve still got some CSI Miami in me, I’m sorry that’s just how I am, it’s like the calculator that won’t turn off, what people think, whats ongoing, what can be prevented, what really is, what things are not, and if you get everything right then that’s prevention. Nothing not anticipated occurs, and everything you feared doesn’t occur, when you don’t work on the preventative parts of your fears, it’s like walking through a field of land mines, of mistakes left out to be mismanaged and played with, that cannot be stop the risk in things being picked up and misused in life, but when you put things together well, then things cannot be broken apart or misused by any rationale to make things happen in an offensive way. 

As far as Im concerned everything that people are left with the two words or sentence summary matters, so unless you intend to make things easy, the more thorough you are the more positively relevant the deduction becomes. Whereas the more detailed in an antagonizing way and critical the more likely the takeaway with be by insult or instigation. Either you are credited for your influences in life, or so goes on the offender name game of things and costumes put over your head, until proven not so. That’s just how negative people are forcing and making things amount to a negative because its by what matches that their head feels better about what theyre thinking. If your starting thought is not those things and what you pick up not amounting to those things, then that is the clarity that you are able to introduce to a non-match or confrontational person you meet in life, questioning your thinking, output, or direction and influence in life. 

When confident expect that people will assume you are full of yourself take that as a compliment, if you are clear headed, people will think that you think youre above others, and if you dress sexy, people will think that you let anyone do you, and if you flirt, people will think that you like them, and want them to like you. Until then … don’t engage until they lighten up, that’s the best way to tell whether a person is interested in making you feel good or feel bad inside, and if they are more interested in feeling smart by making you feel bad or getting a reaction, then that closes you up to opening yourself up, no need of feel bad admissions needed, for people to feel clarity and strength from interaction with you. Not everyone is a know it all, so don’t allow others to treat you as though they know you better than you know yourself, or pretend as though they know what everyone is thinking, and test or treat you as though you don’t. You’ll find your matches in wit, and discovery, equally interested in learning you as much as they want to be loved and figured out, respect eachother, the possibilities are endless, with a good head on your shoulders, you’ll likely match with just about anyone like me.