If there is one thing I have learned from a diagnosis of schizophrenia, is to always be in control of your emotions in regards to topics, people, or places in life, explore life within reason, but not to highlight or address subjects without proper forethought, it’s something you’ll want to prepare yourself for in life, to not come across as stupid, and sometimes knowing little functions to create more engagement between us and others, willing to learn, but it is not always that way. We live in a society of expectations, what is being offered, what is being said, what is the value of what is said, who is saying it, what do they look like, does it register or relate to me, is it something that I need to know, or is this something I will learn the hard way, what a mental health issue is, or willing knowing in advance through open disclosure better situate a reader in terms of their barometer for acceptance, I think so. I think when you are told what a person’s disability is you can do the research, and then become the doctor or the teacher, you get a bigger hat in life, when taking things into perspective, and in the event you are not sure of something that someone is saying, compare it to what the science says to refresh your memory on why this diagnosis was given, and what am I exhibiting as a person, writer, author, person, or personality, that demonstrates characteristics similar to someone who is usually, alcoholic, belligerent, combative, shouts, doesn’t make sense, isolates, is disagreeable, violent, homeless, or lives in a fancy hospital that you see in the movies which don’t exist, the only thing that houses people who cannot live among is called jail.

So that came as a shock to me, someone who attended law school, kept getting sick in relationships, and ending up in the hospital for 2 week stays for “just not feeling well” I wasn’t even suicidal, I was distraught, I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I was hurt, and no one was talking to me, that’s what going to the hospital is like, it’s like no one can get through to you, no one can fix you, and people have given up on you, you feel disconnected from others, that’s the isolation. You would think that it would be deserved and then happens to you, but in my case it was experienced as a result of connecting, and then I felt sick, usually feeling bad about myself, or repetitive thoughts in regards to something hurtful someone has said to me, that consistently would make me feel sick, or confused, or hurt in the head, and the best way to get through the hurt, is to detach from people disinterested in you, they can’t help you, nor can you. Love then doesn’t matter, nor professionalism, or work, its then a personal issue about you feeling good, or not feeling good, and then things taken personally, in terms of your health, or how you feel, or becoming hurt by others, whether that’s a street way of “getting rid of people” or making them feel sick so that they back out, or leave jobs, or relationships, so be it, Id rather be on my own in that case, and that was the course I took in life.

Everyones life is intense, this is why shared time with others is such a NICE SPACE and expected to stay that way, with the TRENDING THERAPY it’s hard for people to talk you though what youre thinking or feeling, most adults have a pre-planned way of picking up on things in life in politics, and pop culture, that if you are not with it and apart of, then you run the risk of being treated as not feeling good by or not feeling good because of something you have done wrong, or “psychology” would say is wrong with you if you don’t feel good, not wrong with the treatment or attention of others. As an adult I have found that people don’t pay attention to you, people don’t text or check on you, in a growing booming and successful economy that’s just how things are on the go, so it’s not that they are not into you, it’s that they are into their work and keeping up with work, and building upon those milestones career wise, so that they can grow along with, or stand out as an employee, a future employee, manager, or leader one day, everyone wants promotion in life, even on social media, its what makes the successful stand out, it’s not that they have money to promote, because I barely promote my work online spend only $200 a month to distribute my work to be read how I got a spam alert on Facebook that violates their community guidelines, not the rest of the stuff listed, Im not in violation with nor have never been in violation of, and don’t communicate internalize or accept information from people who are not as smart as me, and who are criminal and do things to hurt others, their brain is worthless to me to interpret, that’s a behavioral health experts zone of interests, transference, excuse, harm and weighing the consequence of a life around people as risk, that’s criminal, has no capacity to do good, has no capacity to amend their life to conform is unable to adapt, cannot work thrive, has no family or friends or any normal system or means for support and guidance to resume a normal life and at risk of committing crime again, unable to learn or mentally or physically rehabilitate themselves, cannot be around people, mixed in, or hold any positions of trust, or live life without being known or warned against to keep people away from them, that’s a criminal, cannot talk to, be with others, work, or function in life, socially, romantically, and professionally disabled in life, who is gonna pay for that life, so they stay in jail.

So it’s hurtful to be treated that way in life like Im dirt, or scum, or stupid, or criminal, or for arrest, or out of control, or coming from a bad place, there are no bad words spoken from me, I don’t curse, I don’t shout, Im soft spoken, Im loving, and I don’t date, my adult life consists of figuring out my diagnosis and preventing my odds for getting sick or being attacked on the basis of a diagnosis I was given in life based on how I described what I was going through mentally so decided that this ultimately leads to the conclusion that there is somrthing wrong in you that cannot be fixed, and treated like I wasn’t apart of all the new freeways in orange county, or all the new building in century city and marina del rey, and all the new law schools, and all the new therapy apps, like I wasn’t on board with those ideas before they happened in life, I think we are all entitled to feel apart of what has gone well, how is that schizophrenia?

Don’t we all read and download songs, and learn bills and credit cards, and how to fix our resumes and get jobs, and gather the confidence to make a good impression in life, since when is it required to know whats going on in your head and be treated like you are not to be trusted or treated as a threat to the health of others and put to sleep and told not to do social media and to use that as excuse for not feeling good, other people don’t make me sick, its people who view me in relationship to everything that’s going well, and don’t know why I don’t feel well, and assume that its because I have done something wrong, maybe its because I was well before I got hurt then when I got hurt you blamed me and treated me as a lesser human being in life, I don’t think I deserve that over any dick in life is not more important that my brain, you can have yours, and I think its safe to say that Im a blogger now, and I don’t care what your issue is with me, Im not going for those things in life, and in a perfect world would not be treated like a trick or a hoe or a disease or schizophrenia, and maybe having a baby and getting married is the solution, to better practices, better treatments, less conclusions, more options in life when it comes to managing symptoms, more exposure of the issues and built acceptance for them, and not assume what Im thinking just like Im not writing assuming what others are thinking, its they are reading what I am writing and they can relate to those feelings does not make them schizophrenic, and Im not a treatment center for schizophrenia self-harm and sucicde simply because I have survived it and improved, to cure others, by designated me as a prime example of what a diasease looks like, how insulting, take care of your own patients, and all me to write in terms of whats of issue in acceptance for all and what makes people get sick or quick to judge separate and punish people in life, and figure out more of what makes us human, and not tell people things that make them sick, such as label with diagnoses that hurt my head and make me sick and cause others to treat me poorly and think that theyre doctor.

I can tell you this much, one day you will not have life more figured out that me, and one day I will have a life and a family and an ability to help others, and I won’t have to be bopped around treated like a social security disability case or someone for death to be some sad story that’s good to learn from, learning means you are able to pick up bits and pieces of what makes sense to you, it doesn’t mean to apply knowledge to your own life, and that’s not what reading is either, “persuasion” to ridicule what a “legal education” is or to make fun of legal document creation, that’s not what it is “manipulation” or crap. Its assembling what is and saying things in a way that the other side who doesn’t give a F about you and is ready to attack you on paper, is willing to let up on the basis of something you have said well, that’s law. So don’t read me and search for sense to your problems in life, that’s not what my writing is for, unless Im teaching something directly from Udemy that I have recently learned and put into my own words, some days will about about this diagnosis why given, what have I done, what have I said, and why is that okay to disable and limit the term and life expectancy of me in life, make me believe that Im disabled?

Why can other people function in life saying F and S and publish books and make millions of dollars teaching and being professionals in life and that’s considered cool, but Im expected to accept a diagnosis of schizophrenia and gain 50 lbs back lose my face, be treated like dirt, struggle to work and date, and that’s deserved? Because that’s what it looks like to anyone of higher status who thinks that you holding your head up means that you think youre above others, sometimes it means that you think highly of yourself and you have confidence in your work ethic, and its not funny to give someone a hard time you are okay with because you think it’s a system of treatment handed down over the years of disabled I was born with a reading disability, so its not a athletic function physical or sexual disability, its in reading. Why leave people with a feeling of distance, like theres something wrong with her, what if I went through life looking at people like they were stupid or distant, then who the F would I be, you a Doctor psychiatrist. I don’t understand why a 5150 hold means “schizophrenia” why disable me, if Im doing well and people get sick, its not because I am known, so therefore I don’t need to be known in a bad way to explain where anything is coming from, to blame me for sickness or death like I have it good and people have it worse and I get away with anything or being anything and no one corrects me or fixes me, everyone knows me is made to think of me and worry just the same even if it was 8 million people online made to know me or worry for me or think of me, who is to decide which people you should ignore, which to listen to, or who has things right in life, maybe not everyone feels the same as who is up in life, and maybe we don’t all have to be that way anyways. Maybe its okay to accept what is and not make things worse for someone, its by what people think, I care what people think, so telling people I have schizophrenia, to be a does something to herself joke or intentional infliction of emotional distress and bullying, is not deserved, when I was born with no disabilities in life inherit. Im inherently good, I inherently make people look good, Im someone you meet and automatically feel better about yourself, Im someone who people feel bigger than in life, even if its me.