Everything got suddenly tense again around me, my computer is not working and the L’oreal invite to apply is not working and cannot find the job on all casting website anymore. So I missed a big opportunity right there to prove myself. Having a sense of worth is about jobs, money, friends, and what you have in life, I have a website a blog and a book draft to work on, that doesn’t equal millions, it equals my sanity and my self-respect, it equals, what Im worth as a human being on earth, so that I am not mistaken as someone troubled or who doesn’t plan on doing well in life, its to illustrate that I have potential. I created one account on all casting that I could not use because my credit card was not working and just got money today and all the jobs are gone since announcing on Instagram that I would be applying. That’s okay, I still have to memorize lines and practice for my first audition in acting, I have no acting experience, besides being a member to a case and being looked at funny inside the US Supreme Court during session and in their snack room, I’m one of those girls who is noticed, but I don’t know why, and I guess the mental health issues got worse, and so did my appearances in life. 

I just bought a camera lenses for my iPhone, a microphone, and a tri-pod, so that is something to look forward to, can start vlogging and creating life coaching videos soon, and look more professional it all takes time. And now that Im practicing acting where I have to create a character and a voice and look for the part, let’s all hope that things go well from there, I hope I get picked, I’ve been practicing only 5 videos in and starting to get the hang of it, everything takes time to learn, so I will be looking forward to learning a new skill, besides using my brain for a paralegal job, I already get rejected so it’s not worth putting my heart and energy into a profession that does not see me as worth taking a chance for it would be easier if that were not the case or if that was not something that was thought of me overhearing something or viewing me in a way without asking me to verify or to hear my side in terms of what happened. 

I put my heart and energy into my websites, so Im sorry if you think my writing is a character or personality of someone that doesn’t exist, that person is me. Im not changing, my writing is not changing, and my face and body is not changing, so I accept me, now its time to see who else does, so it’s not about looks in common, is only liked because of Sydney Simpson, then tell me that I am to be applied to some lesser standard, because I had two drinks and got arrested once and once pulled over and put in jail for driving slow, for no reason. People will take a look at you, and you have not determined what you are about in life, don’t be surprised when someone else takes it upon themselves to tell you or others what you are about, and I never expected for that to happen to me in life, when I have been blogging for 10 years, writing. Since when do I need publicity in the negative, and who is to put my life in crisis and my life and reputation in jeopardy with the people, when have I let anyone down, never. Therefore its wrong to assume that I have ever let anyone down purposefully, or not who I should be in life. I should be paid as a writer, I should publish a book, but I don’t have money for that. It’s until you are someone that you can be known in life, because my only credential is Law School and knowing Sydney Simpson, that doesn’t seem to be enough to get a job in this town, and Im assuming they are still making that an issue over fires, I did not provoke fires, I was running everyday in public and at night in Santa Monica and Brentwood and kindfully making squares of quotes everyday that I would send my friends in batches on Facebook, living life at a peaceful pace, and only after the fires were burning, was when I really started to push myself to finish my book, which did not end up being published. Im assuming that people are trying to blame me for texting President Trump and assume that I have a mental disability that hurts for someone else to hear from me, I think I spoke well to everyone, until insulted and when insulted that hurt my head and put my body in pain and in response I tell people to stop. I told President Trump not to make any OJ jokes if that makes anyone feel better, advised him to take a higher road in life. And that’s what he is doing and he is going to run again, whether you like it or not, and whether I talk to the current President or not, I have just stopped voting period. I don’t wish to be treated as a party to anyone in life, not after supporting Todd Spizter, and because of a Bloglovin button advised to join by General Assembly, was judged as someone of poor character connected or trying to connect to Todd Spitzer, who needed to be spoken for or make appear to be the embarrassment to Todd Spitzer’s flattery, that’s clear Im not his Campaign Manager, and it is clear I am not as pretty as her, and it is clear that he thinks that he can do everything on his own, so let him run for Governor, with or without me in his life, that’s his right, and I supported his condition as defamed, and I wrote to the journalist to encourage them not to speak that way toward me, and introduced myself as the person talking to him in private, I think that I’m a good friend, I don’t lead others astray, I don’t have an agenda, but all I have is my own identity and my energy, and I don’t have the energy right now to take care of everyone or be loving consistently with anyone in a relationship, sometimes I have to put everything aside and address everyone on important issues, that’s to preserve your peace maybe not my own. In a fair world you would be able to roast me, punish me, make fun of me, call me schizophrenic, go through my computer, and my phone and make fun of my story and call me mentally ill, in a picture perfect world that would be okay, but it is not deserved. 

Never have I ever avoided a subject throughout my career as a writer and blogger, and law student, and my peace occurs when everyone is at peace with subjects, I’m not at peace when I’m treated as guilty and expected to go by people in life, I don’t trust their judgment, or who they are going by in life, especially now with such open and flagrant condemnation of me in the form of standup comedy, that was not my vagina online, I did not offend you, and Im not trying to get a like or dick from you, therefore you don’t have to talk about your Mom’s cunt, and if you are referring to my Mom, then don’t be racist that she had a half Black boyfriend, that’s none of your business, after her Best Friend was murdered, who are you in your life, to degrade my life, via your standup comedy and determine what is or is not cool in this Country and step on stage like it is everything that someone should know about me or where its coming from. How would you feel if someone put a hit out on you to shame you so that you get attacked or spoken to like you are stupid, who decided that you should punish me for what he says? 

So I’m here telling you now, that my story is for a book, that will turn into a movie that will be made and directed and produced by me one day, and I will write all the lines to my childhood story growing up on Rockingham, and this is a clear announcement that I do not need anyone to make anything for me, to highlight anything from my story or to explain anything for me, and you can go on in life talking about other things in life, other than vaginas and how that scared you in life, certainly not by my vagina. Im not the woman to shame and to scold to make other women feel better, I worked my a$$ off and went to law school to be a working professional Im not having sex for babies and goal oriented social climbing my way through life, my life is as good as my written word, and my life is as good as the feeling that others get when they read my work, and my life is only as good as Im not scared or made to feel small, or treated like I have done something wrong. Clearly I have not done anything wrong why Todd Spitzer cannot sue me or put me in jail, because I am telling the truth and honestly sought support and can now accept that he is not willing to support me, even after Taylor Swift’s album was released, how dare someone cut me off from the support of an album, whether making fun of my love for him which she could probably relate to, so please don’t treat me like Im someone who does not love or did not love you then treat me like my love isn’t real and that my time with you can be replicated with someone else. How would you feel if you were yourself with someone and then they treated you like you were nobody, how would you feel if you lost your election because I made you look bad or guilty, I did none of those things to you in life, so how dare you punish me like I brought hell over your head, I know what that is like, I know how hard and difficult and cold the press can be I experienced those things in life, I saw those things happen to people in life, so why would I all of a sudden be someone to kick out from consideration as being apart of, then make Taylor Swift’s album about you and your campaign manager and ex me out of the equation if that makes you feel better, and if you don’t want to talk to me then I will write to the US Supreme Court every week instead of talking to you, since you think that what I have to say to you did not make you feel better or more confident in your decisions, so that I am not longer factored into consideration of what went wrong for you, judge my health or my output or my demeanor as allowing for bad things to happen, and make me not strong. If that’s your solution to make me not strong, then why complain when other people don’t feel strong when I am not strong, connecting online to alert people that your connections in life matter, that’s a life force for people to feel good, and for me to be a stepping stone to understanding how complicated guilts and blames are when people play dirty in life. I’m insulted that I am not credited for supporting Todd Spitzer to his second win as DA, when he was being scolded by everyone and lost funding, I think my fans are great supporters of confided in interests and I think liking him, gave people confidence who did hurt me not to be afraid of them hurting me, because a DA would not punish them for hurting me, so people felt like there was something let go in those respects like they were allowed to go through my things and to make or create things based off of me, as though that’s not considered hurting me. You will learn in life when you meet someone of value you feel valued, plain and simple, and when Todd Spitzer met me, he felt valued and wanted to help me, gave me his email.

What I have to do to not get voices and to be respected not viewed at fault:

• Date one person and stay and if they leave, can play or move on.
• Pick one job at a time, and not continue applying when things are good.
• Not seek support from anyone in life, unless cited to and shared references. 
• Apply for jobs when I am strong, and stay well so that I can work.
• Not subject myself to pressures in life, through tech, password changes.
• Not subject myself to pressures in life, be mistreated by inability to speak.
• Not subject myself to hate, by liking or loving someone who is married.
• Not seek friendship from men who are married.
• Not have sex on any dating apps, and not look like a dirty whore.
• Not talk about my sex experiences or who I am not with now.
• Talk about what I can do, to improve my life and respect of me.
• I have to write a research paper on school shootings. (done)
• I have to write a research paper on self-harm. (done)
• I have to write a research paper on Campaign fundamentals (to-do)
• I have to continue writing rules, disclaimers, and notices. (to-do & done)
• I have to apply for another Shorty Award and fill out an application.
• I have to stay consistently well and look the part.
• I need to be free of blame criticism or ostracism in life, excluded.
• I need to include myself when what I am doing and saying is on point.
• I need to not bring up any instance in which I was sued.
• I need to not give people the right to hurt me for experiment.
• I need to not suffer by things that I cannot prove, allow myself to be hurt.
• I need to stay well and not be connected to criminals, misunderstood.
• I need to not friend women in common to who I love: Todd Spitzer.
• I need to either get married and have a baby, or forgo that opportunity. 
• I need to write letter to scotus that I am not bossed around, put down.
• I need to stay out of trouble, and not get into any legal fights with anyone.
• I need to write to the courts and call 911 for emergencies.
• I recognize that my intensed state and pressure, is not a 911 call. 
• I understand that my intensed state of pressure, is being watched when things are going well for me, and that people are uncomfortable if I am living life, moving.