Written 11/19/22. Likes: 5,900 approximately.

Okay I’m going to the ER (cancelled) to tell them my situation and be checked and hopefully go home since it seems like a reputation, sex, love, traffic ticket issue, with recent job loss.

So I’m scared that’s all so that I’m given permission to stay home and continue doing what’s helping me studying and writing thoughtful discussion of difficulty without blame and also not appear insensitive like I don’t value the health wellness of others who cannot help me if I look bad or get voices.

There is no cure for schizophrenia so it’s just sad that I’m not even tempered anymore snap because I went to law school and take a long time to explain why hurt which usually sounds redundant like I should know why I get voices.

What’s causing it there is no specific pattern everything matters and loud obnoxious is when I look stupid and that I just have to accept if people are not attracted to me who notice me who think I’m annoying or have energy or heavy weight. I’m trying to lose weight smile more fix my face I would like to date being limited by voices hurts to live life like I’m in pain or cause pain because if my condition that I cannot control.

I’m doing everything I can so that nothing private or public is said that makes me or anytime look bad and now I have to pay attention to what I’m prone to look like lives or used symbols to represent like I can’t represent myself to communicate a story or things related to my story.

I can say my story Im sorry if sharing was ineffective in sharing my influences in life and Im sorry if my status appearance doesn’t show like I cared or in pain brought the pain Im an athlete at no point was I wasting away on drugs or alcohol a reckloose or having sex or spending I improved everything because my face looked so bad in apple photos I had to do things that felt good got me out of bed motivated like shop and now I don’t need to shop because I can treadmill and have outfits for a blog to represent myself.

I know my place Im not trying to future plan look like a worthless stalker Debbie downer disappointment in life or represent a drug addict who dies I get how painful that condition is why would I negotiate for anyone to think anything is wrong clearly when I’m notified I handle everything as being considered my own fault and allow for review that doesn’t free me from not looking bad no matter where you are in life you can look bad and loose everything so why would I think that I could sound tough.

I’m not a F writer that person is entitled to talk and sound respected I’m a woman with a record that reinforces I’m mentally ill schizophenic or short tempered and that encouraged insults to shrink my head or cause a stroke of too much pressure you can’t reverse the fact that I was born and not good enough for most things in life but I’m not out here living like I deserve anything either I’m well or not. #stopsuicide