TO:                  US SUPREME COURT

FROM:            LESLIE A. FISCHMAN

DATE:            November 22, 2022

Re:                   What are excuses created for? (Letter #5)

I am well aware that after there is an incident of gun violence, and being a supporter of Brady, to illustrate what I am doing online, to help curb the onset of mental illness, or anger misdirected toward me as a blogger or influencer online, with one criminal connection to OJ.

What are excuses created for? After something bad happens, neither your past nor your future potential is of concern, what matters is who you are now, and what you have to say in regards to what is occurring and what type of insight you have to offer.

What is too late, is when people give up on you, that’s not an excuse, that’s something expected to be discussed as though how I feel matters, how I feel or what diagnosis I have does not matter, it only does me a detriment in life, to affect how people come to understand me or perceive my understanding of the world and where I see myself in it. I may take myself seriously, but I am also to take myself seriously, when serious charges are brought against me in public, yes this requires a change in demeanor, as though everything I look like now, comes across as insult. I have already been through those phases in life, when you look stupid, or grose, or unattractive, or without potential, mentally ill, hair growing on your face, demonized with voices, and throwing up. I assure you that when I first visited the court I was not in that condition. 

Later conditions are a product of your attachments in life, or lack thereof, and this you learn the hard way, whether it’s done to you, is what is assumed, to then judge me as having been a bad friend or companion, to treat me as though because I am worse off and they are doing better than be and don’t have cancer or schizophrenia, then it’s me who holds the problem, as though assuming that I would not disclose if I had a condition, or treat as me as though I am hiding a condition that I don’t speak of, that upon finding out is shocking to hear, or causes discomfort to others. That is what a diagnosis of schizophrenia does, it does not allow you to work or date, it’s to convince people that there is something wrong or confusing about your thinking, so that people fear you, don’t trust you, and think that you are psychotic, meaning if you are ugly faced it is because you have anger, or if you have poor body structure that you are filled with demons or negativity and bring darkness to others, I think a person who is condemned brings darkness over your eyes or your home, that is when respect is lost, you lose color in your eyes, and you seem gone, without a glow present. 

I have been through different stages of mental health issues, but none as bad as being given this diagnosis, which tells people there is more wrong with you that right, being the most expansive definition of mental health issues possible that has no specific treatment or cure at the moment, and tells people you have an incurable disease which you cannot fix with your mind, or by what you have in life, its communicating to everyone that you have something that will not go away, is in your blood stream, and cannot be cured, meaning it’s telling people that I need help, and letting everyone know that I have a condition that they cannot help me with, and to make matters worse convinces people that I’m mentally ill or have a poor temper, or have anger, to misdescribe me as an unhappy person who is jealous of others, or who lives and unhealthy life, depressing, who is low on motivation, and can’t make things right in life. It’s telling me there is something mentally ill and wrong with me, by the way I look, how I speak, by my education, my lack of success, or my story, its telling people that I am not special, that I am not smart. It’s telling people that I am stupid, it is convincing people that because there is something medically wrong with me, that that’s what makes other people hyper vigilant or scared of me, thinking I’m not predicable, or treat me as though I am closer to their mind and lives than I am, or threaten people that I have a condition that can be inherited. Calling schizophrenia an inherited disease, is telling people that there is nothing positive that can be learned from my story or inherited, and to convince people they will not get stronger by me, or become weaker mentally after having met me, to declare me a poor influence, not as bright as someone from a better school or who is educated or with a JD, to convince people I am stupid, and because I don’t have a JD, means that I am a waste of money, or a waste of time, treated as someone in a poor condition who will not change or cannot change, to convince me that I am permanently disabled and will suffer for the rest of my life. It’s to convince me that when things are good, that that’s a good feeling, and if I have a good feeling, then I will do something that feels good, and if I do something that feels good, it will probably be wrong, so to convince me that everything is okay or nothing is wrong, is to make me look cold, so that when something is wrong I look stupid. And to make me look stupid, is so that people think I’ve done something wrong that is stupid, because they think when I’m feeling good I am stupid, or in connection with me I make people feel bad or stupid, because they think I talk stupid, so they are treating me as stupid, because they are making fun of my writing, because they think I’m not logical or don’t make sense, because they think I got bad grades in law school because I didn’t study hard so they think that to treat me as stupid is the punishment to say that I have done something wrong, so that reassures others who thought I was stupid or have done something wrong to not feel bad, because with more people punishing me that makes that person feel right. What’s not okay is that it is not okay to punish me and to convince me that I’m mentally ill and treat me as though I’m not a team player and well by the same things as everyone else, whether I get a hint of things being about me or not, that’s not in my control, once people meet you, you accept a shout out as people trying to make things better not worse for you. 

Sincerely,

Leslie Fischman