Have not been feeling well, and this is beyond the already difficult year of everyone getting their lives sorted, and staying positive, this is unexpected to go through more difficulty in addition to an already tough year personally. So I think the only thing I know is that although life is hard and my feelings are hurt and Im going through mental and physical challenges in life to stay well, that doesn’t mean that Im giving up on myself for my life, or whats working for me, on any basis difficult, I think all difficulty hurts, and when you look bad that’s nothing that you can change about yourself, how you look stupid, or what anyone determines is wrong with you, and to make matters worse, when things are left open as though Im for study or to be known on a molecular level in terms of how I am or what I think compared to how others are doing, is a another concept of life probably inappropriate, how people make you feel or how you feel and what upsets you, or what you think is being done to you and why, is nothing that you can comprehend in pain, the only way to make things better would be to make your life better, seems like a fight you can’t win, not feeling good and the basis why you don’t feel good will be what is difficult that you are going through and what you are not recuperating from. Not all damage in life is permanent, and not all losses are intended to hit close to home, I know that my personal setbacks or days recently having trouble staying well or communicating something that others can relate to or illustrates that I am working on improving with clear awareness for the big picture, I think a lot gets lost in translation when you are not feeling well, nothing can make you appear well I think is the lesson being taught to me to not feel well, or to not have the mental stamina or wit to keep up with what could be the humor directed toward me, however hurtful is none of my business the decision making behind what represents how others feel, will not always clearly represent my life or how I do feel or what my disposition is in life, related to others, I think not being well subjects you to disappointment, and you shouldn’t need to have connections and lose connections in life to get sick, is the lesson I think is being taught to me, that if it was not this incident causing you sickness, then it will also not be interactions future or present a cause for sickness, this is the lesson that is taught to someone who is not doing well and who gets sick, who is to be blamed for not feeling well, at this point it shouldn’t bother anyone once it is clear that it may have nothing to do with anyone, so this is just my disappointment in myself, for not doing well, and not feeling well, and no course taken sober or drinking do things seem to get better, in terms of what is rationale for mistreatment or the burden of adjustment to anyone to be in my company, I think Im an exceptionally difficult person to understand, someone who can do well and get sick easily, and for that to make other people feel bad, when you are not well, who can explain how that happens. I think once there is a belief about you, then all reactions support a justification of that feeling or judgment toward you, so if its sick by ____, then sickness by this connection or this connection, or this interaction, or drinking, or at this place, or by writing on twitter, or by this circumstance whatever the direction is going towards you in life, is something you can’t prevent, when people think something of you based on what you have said, this is beyond the normal thinking people can read your guilts in life or know everything about you, it’s beyond what specifically there is wrong with you, it becomes burdensome the more you endure and the more you have to explain, the better the other person looks, is how someone who is not doing well is made to be blamed for their condition, so that no one is accused of misidentifying or allowing for a negative take to be considered toward a person, so this is what creates a healthy detachment, from those who are well upon hearing from someone who is not doing well, they simply review whats going on in your life, see what little you have, or have not accomplished, determine where does your promise lie in your future, what are you doing, who do you talk to, for any reason you can be punished, that’s how life works if people think poorly of you, and to add more weight to this grievance there is anti-semitism, and I can’t really afford to take another blow past mental illness and wanting to go to the hospital, after being told to go to the hospital well, and not make a scene and act like wherever I am thinking wise is preventable, nothing is life is preventable from thinking, you can realize things, look back on life, misinterpret things, for the rest of your life, in the end all you have is you, so its better to figure out what are the arguments, and reminders and timelines, and start getting to know your story better, to know when you are expected to be sick, or when people think you are sick, when people think you are not deserving of opportunity, how you prove yourself becomes less and less possible when people don’t feel good about you, that’s the difference between quotes and selfies and singing, and not feeling good and drinking to be around people and trying to escape whatever life you were left with no people in your life, ignored and made to look at yourself or hurt so bad until you become concerned with how others feel, that if it requires too much energy to explain what you are going through personally, its like having to pry out of you who you could possibly have been hurt by or threatened by, by this time it shouldn’t matter, it wont matter, because in the end it is you that is hurt, so so long as you make everything about this imaginary person who threatened you and is making you look bad, and stealing your connection in life, you will be hurt and be further from competent to describe to another human being what is going on, if you don’t know what is going on in your own body and mind, maybe that’s the lesson is not being able to describe how things are going or what disclosures are made through you about how things are or why things are the way they are, and sometimes this is how silence is misunderstood as though a pain is carried too difficult to say misinterpreted as guilt, so that in the time of silence, the energy with anticipation motivates and keeps awake who is waiting for a response and in sickness, is how a miscommunication occurs, that’s how who feels good is made to feel bad, as though they are defended as not intending to cause you sickness, or for you to not recover from a belief held toward you personal or thought carried among all, to which a person does not take responsibility for furthering, so that’s how you can be hurt in silence, if you don’t speak, and things appear worse than they are, then things get worse for you, and the changes that you endure doctoring all the mini issues with regards to your stability and ability to get along with others, the importance of you doing well in public will get lost by the fact that there is motivation to prove that you are sick in public and inappropriate toward others, so this is how what you say matters once you look bad, then if you seek prevention such as a hashtag #stopsuicide then you get sick by people who think that you are suicidal, if you are having a bad day and you feel sick, or need to quit doing something then you are viewed as someone who gives up, which doesn’t help the problem with people becoming sick or falling ill, and then there is the lightness of people hearing from you, and not feeling sick, and now it doesn’t make sense for me to have explained all of this if Im  not feeling well, then it will not make sense why my blog became popular or what was to like about it, not if my pictures don’t improve, not talk to myself, not mention or say words to cause a negative energy toward me, and not mention things and then be accused of trying to glamourize what occurs around me as though Im not affected personally, because its written about in my blog. My blog is not why crime occurs, there must be something else going on, when Im doing well that a crime occurs when things are well, therefore to discuss crime subjects me to harm and makes me feel scared, because then its about sickness and treating me as someone who is sick and brings sickness around or a bad luck, is how a person who is known is mistreated as though things happen because a person is here, and that’s how my life gets put in danger, and that makes blogging not a good experience if its about treating me when well as sick to explain for crime, then when sick treating me as something else to say that Im sick because I complain, once people think poorly of you, there will always be an excuse and people will not see the positive so long as they are focusing on the negatives that’s a mind you cant change about you, so I don’t understand why I have to write and explain a position that’s permanent and cant be changed and also be put in a position of not feeling well and feeling sick, and then made to feel bad like Im not saying anything to help someone else scientifically figure out what is going wrong with me or for me in life, and not have to endure what Im going through or make me appear like someone who is sick who is bound for sickness to say that connecting, is causing anyone to endure feelings they don’t want like the feelings that I cant change or are causing me sickness to inherit, worrying about who thinks Im sick.