There’s been an unusual lull in my productivity lately due to personal issues, working through a lawsuit, defending myself, staying positive, not letting myself or anyone look bad, speaking honestly to the issues, make sure that who’s suing me is not affected by my success online, reputation, livelihood, personality, life skills, look, demeanor, story in life, and be clear on what my issues are relevant to being sued and how that hurts me and damages my reputation and doesn’t support my already fragile mental health condition after being on meds for years.

So ordinarily I would have not attended, but since this was a good year so far blogging and nominated for two Shorty Awards I thought it was a good idea to be social again. I recognize now that what I sign up for or based on what my goals in life are headed is what is thought of me and if I’m not paying attention or forget that I’m known to many I can forget the influence of what people think of you can affect you or where you end up in life. What term is being reinforced? The event was sponsored by “social proof” recently after describing sobriety went out alone to be around people so I don’t understand what I needed to prove being around people but it got quieter only means that what’s distressing alone or a few instances describing noises heard is not my reality if experience interacting with others no one talks over to me whatever period of disrespect that was is no longer occurring so I’m glad I’ve improved my image and not a targeted discomfort anymore. I think the threesome walking on Halloween showed up to The Whaler when I was outside smoking and she opened her jacket at me. You know if you speak to what you’ve witnessed it can be the case that you are taunted molded into a person who talks at people so that’s when people abuse you because of what you were told explains why that person is mentally ill so be careful what you speak to that then becomes a formula for others to attack you with as though you teach formula or you get misinterpreted and what you say gets applied to you to change you.

I think life is all about empowerment and you shouldn’t need to witness or experience or see a human being change or witness interactions behaviors or reactions to know whether a person is mentally ill or not to reinforce a negative opinion of you made by one person in your entire life. Just because one person in your entire life is not impressed by you does not love you does not have faith in you does not trust you is not proud of you does not understand you feels threatened by you doesn’t mean that that person is entitled to enabling people to attack a person on the basis of what was described as wrong private then harm continues as directed toward the person you accuse of being sick toward others and that’s not true. I’m someone who lives alone keeps to myself and ignores others doesn’t look at others so to be mistreated as someone observing or interacting wrong with a person is new to me and ruins your life.

People don’t know you then pretend like they know you and try to control what people think of you and act like they’re close to you know what you’re about to appear loving meanwhile if your condition worsens out then becomes a threat to people who act like they know you in the positive once things get better but act like you are not known in the positive if things are not good. So that’s what’s affecting my mental health is when people give up by event crime death or suicide and punish you as though it’s your condition or coming from your identity or story I think people try to convince you you’re sick because they’re punishing you and thinking that you convince people to think sick why people treat you as sick or suicidal mentally ill or gone because they see themselves as well and think you’re sick because of previous self harm incidents (why don’t tell people what your problem was or is if you want to get better things get worse when people know what’s wrong with you or during what time period how combinations of events are acted out on you to hurt you like that’s your story or something people go by and hurt you with, thinking they know you know your limits temperament or understand the causes for self harm it can’t get better talking about it no one cares and it happens again which means don’t self harm because no one cares the voices don’t stop and it’s not worth hurting yourself over what people think or say or what voices you get and why) and later sexuality issues post defamation.

I had a positive experience. I worked up the courage to talk to two people in my vicinity and was tired, went home early.