This post was removed on the basis that should I have problems the point is that I take responsibility for what I see or what I am later made to think, and I now understand that what you mention is made to be about you, and when a woman is put under pressure, that’s not others turning in a woman who is guilty, they are people who do not support me because of who I am or what I look like and what they are going by do not see me as apart of, or for my love for Todd to not be respected, and for that relationship to be destroyed as though my wellness can be replaced or fixed or made better by any other man in the world who is not capable of helping me or fixing me based on the conspiracy to be made about me, of discomfort, when the reverse is true I now dont trust others, and cannot be helped by others on the basis, of how Im treated as a repercussion of what someone else has said, therefore its a worsened condition that reinforces the previous “thought” or “belief” or “concern” so that people go by the feeling of who thought I was sick, so that I am not allowed to be well, so that when I am well, is to mistreat me as though Im well on purpose to make anyone else be worried, is not what wakefulness is about waking up to smart or to a realization of something more than what was written on half the daily dosage, means that no smarter condition of wakefulness is realized, and no lower condition demeaned or threatened will equate to a solution on a racial basis to rehabilitate which races are discriminated or for what reasons, are not my fault, the future includes me because of my writing is online permanently and recorded and there exists a timeline from which others can go by to determine my intelligence or what is off or offensive, and not be criticized as though scaring me and making me talk to women who then threaten me and talk to a DA is the solution to my trauma, I dont need help talking to a DA, because I call the DA in LA and OC for 3 years, and that doesn’t keep me from trouble, thats so no one else has to help me, because it takes too long to establish a rapport based on respect with anyone Im talking to on the basis of what I look like and sound like, doesnt occur and on the basis of the news, I deserve to work, blogging is my job, if blogging doesn’t work then I can work, and if I work it will be because my experience blogging was successful so dont accuse me of not being disabled or making any disabled person not feel good about themselves, Im disabled and I work hard and try hard so dont hurt my feelings, or make fun of my drawings and misdiagnose what is a threat a threat is hate directed toward a person based on a political; theory of things going right or wrong and wrongfully accuse me of not being a valuable aide to The US Supreme Court or a court in Orange County, I am not someone who needs someone to speak for me, next time I will speak for myself and explain everything, if no one wants to represent me I will.

Written 8:49 pm

The course of someone’s life is not a reaction to stimuli, insulting or not read into, and that’s the first misunderstanding. Who takes insult to what visually and why. I think if Steven Spielberg is making a special movie, no one is taking insult to that. If the main character looks like one of my exes, that’s special, that’s also not governing my decision of who to date, or who is texting me, influencing my choice, as though a movie influences me or affecting who feels drawn or connected to me, what is real? I think auditioning and being picked to audition was an exciting and special experience it doesn’t matter if it was a selfie movie and for a short part or a lead role, to me that was trying in a positive way, to me being feminine and animated, is how I want to feel who I should be who I can be, some people are not allowed to be that way on the basis of what they go through in life or are made to feel, so that’s trying in a positive way, that’s not to make anyone look bad, and is not in competition to anyone in life. When there is competition, this affects women’s interactions with one another, such that one is made to feel bad when the other is doing well, or one is made to feel wrong, in the event that one is feminine or loses weight, this is people feeling bad in a good way, it’s okay to be wrong about people, when “the issue is whether its justified or not” so this is how bad photos or obesity serves as an excuse for the creation of voices toward a person as though one looking in the mirror should recognize that they are a reject, and on the basis of rejection be viewed as though one was coming on to another person in a way that was unwanted that they rejected. I think people talking to you is one thing, I think the whole assumption of a woman coming on to a person has never been treated as an insult to mankind, I think this new way of hurting people, is to reject women by what they look like, is not the man’s job to put a woman down or to decide who should be made to feel good, or what power they want to posess to make other women feel good by making a bad example of a woman in public and humiliating her in front of everyone, no one should be made strong or cool by trashing a woman in public never in the history of mankind has that ever been done to a woman and be allowed, something needs to change that should not occur not to anyone woman, not especially me, not by weight identity or any other excuse for what Im sought to be known for, no one should be known for who has hurt them in life, people work hard and deserve to be known for what they so choose, that’s not society’s job, not a bullied job, and no life should be changed to extremes or ruined on the basis of any political opinion existing. Therefore being made fun of by my crush’s campaign manager made me feel like Im at adversity or being made fun of, and I did not appreciate that, therefore that was the comment I made, “Homophobic Witchcraft” which would mean that Im being insulted as a “butch lesbian” when she held up a knife, then Im treated as “gay” meaning Im not heterosexual, and to accuse my love as being “sexual” created on the privates of my body not a real love, so that’s misinterpreting my exploration and experience of love when things were good in life, things were getting better, and my life was improving, my sexuality, my genitals, and whether or not I touch my body has nothing to do with another human being on the planet, its based on when I feel good and when I feel good and can do something like that, being watched or hacking means that other people are getting into my body or trying to record me and when other people are in your body and trying to cause you voices, that will not make you touch yourself or others, or want other people to touch you. So Im sorry that I said that, Im was trying to make clear that I love Todd, Im not competing with anyone, I get the USC issue, and previous lawsuit, and Im trying to move forward in life, it is clear to me that on the basis of loving a person that I am punished which is why I rarely if ever talk to anyone, and to spare my enthusiasm for my blog not to be shared in private spaces, that meeting people in life and talking is not where respect should be shown, that respect for others should be shown in public spaces. And that’s what I learned about respect, is that people will not respect you on the basis of whether or not you are gay, and that’s permission for women to not respect you or to think that you have problems, or want a woman in life, and that’s how you get treated as reject, the only thing that can cure me is love, it will not occur with a woman, on the basis that no woman is strong enough for the mental health issues that I face being me in life, based on my company, based on my efforts online, will not understand what is happening to me undeserved, and I also don’t need to be used as an example of someone who rejects women on the basis of being rejected by them, and wrongfully accused of being someone who is loved or admired or who should not be admired, on the basis of my feelings toward those who reject me and make fun of me, hurts my heart and is not my job to support who is hurting me on the basis of sex. So who is feeling good by what, when a woman is strong and loving and doesn’t care what people think is who I am modeling and being loving and blogging online, no matter the diagnosis or character assassination of me online on a fan website, is not my fault, Im not grose, I don’t have STD, I can date and have sex again, I can go to AA meetings in West Hollywood, and I will not date for the rest of my life if I don’t have to, and at no point in the future will I ever be gay or be close to another woman for the rest of my life, based on women thinking that my body type or face is inappropriate, therefore Im going to tech school for women, on the basis that Im a woman, and this is a serious issue: mental illness.

05-15-23