It may be my birthday and a day I would usually celebrate, but given the circumstances it’s probably better to discuss losses, and in what way any loss is occurring counter to my improvements, and illustrate how anyone else’s suffering is not caused by my condition or being derailed along the way toward making progress. What I know as a writer, not sued, is that Im more capable of helping others, and in helping others, and sharing my life, have learned more about myself. If the issue is knowing yourself, then Im sure knowing me, and having difficulty relating to me, would make it difficult to comprehend in what way you could be helped by me.

I think after lawsuit, if it becomes about convincing anyone of who you are or what positive work you have completed, once there is question that will always be something about you viewed as an unreliable fact about you, that the happiness of others was not satisfied by your help or meeting you in life, sometimes people see things better without knowing you, and sometimes knowing you people think they have things more figured out than you.

At a time like this when content is booming, and people are producing, it would be fair to say that like anyone else, creating my own content, absent studying others or reading the news, means that I am writing from my own standpoint knowledge and physical health as a barometer of what can be said or helpful.

Recently much to my concern, is in what way is an issue toward me created to fulfill a feeling of anger so justified in another, and this makes sense the bases that entitle you to topple destroy or ruin people, you think are bigger than you, smarter than you, or think others are made to believe in on a set of false pretenses or image online. So this was last few months, not feeling well, then if I drank or went out alone looked bad, spoke bad, and sounded combative (probably because I looked bad and people thought less of me and viewed me as street or ghetto or foul mouthed), complained (as if anyone cared probably not), and because I felt hurt by women, called them out online, so that’s how unproductive this diagnosis has become, voices, are not solved, and now women have issue with me disliking me and hurting me, stealing from me, competing with me, or resenting me and I don’t know why. -It’s almost like be feminine, otherwise theres no accountability for whos better than who and why?

Maybe I thought that me being successful would amount to no one having a problem with me, but as it turns out, your mental health goes into decline, when people don’t support you or go against you in life. So this is my first lesson in being fought, and destroyed, and for that to not make sense to anyone, as far as I have experienced, when you get called something it happens to you and that’s what you look like, so that’s hurting me by terms to accuse me of speaking as though it doesn’t help me or others. So that’s how I learned how insults hurt your image, weight, and intelligence, derailing you and making you sound mentally ill, in response to others intimidating you, or hurting you by their privilege, so that’s a big lesson in terms of who is helping who, and in what way I can be hurt, loving someone, and figure out why am I being hurt or damaged loving someone, and what am I supposed to have experience with.

If its my life lived, there is no other life to move on, no other person who can fix me help me or make me happy, that’s 3 years of my life, that was chosen to delete (a messenger conversation), and say doesn’t matter (that didn’t matter sued), so this is me starting over (accept in what way it took me so long to get going get a job and lose weight submitting to treatment for schizophenia on Invega shots for more than a year) and losing everything based on comparison made to feel bad about myself, and made to feel sick by others.