Each time you go to the hospital its for a different reason, and it’s not a condition that you willingly place yourself in in life to not be feeling well and to not need to go to the hospital. Hopefully no one’s life becomes that unmanageable, however caused. The goal is to be stable, blogging everyday, contributing online and helping others. In better times I was studying life coaching and practicing mindfulness writing articles, and sending professional emails. In unstable times, I have been sending more emails, and sometimes while battling personal mental health issues like voices, or fear of being watched, or studied too closely, whatever it is, you have to find your center amidst it all.

The only reason others should know you or get to know you, is if they are interested in reading your blog and it would help them to know more about you, to decide whether or not to read. I think its fair to say that recently my posts have been more personal than they have been “life coaching” or writing life advice, that’s not been my focus recently. Recently have been going over timelines, and interactions, and been critical of my own reactions to life stressors, like when someone is mad at you, what if you get shouted at, and how that makes me feel and what delusionment that may have caused me, you can’t always control how you are feeling but do your best. So it won’t help me now, to talk about when if ever Ive been hurt that will only make things worse, and cause for more repeated incidences of victimization, that’s the not so happy part of being known and not being famous, it then becomes about you not feeling safe, and not feeling safe online, and then how to blog? So that would defeat the purpose of blogging which is the make matters less alarming, and make my mini crises not a big deal, and not also end up in the hospital should I suffer for any reason mentally, I think Ive matured over the years to put up with just about anything, be okay with myself.

I think this time around, Im being subjected to more treatment, based on trying all available options for being helped, so that I can go back to work and start my life over again. It goes without mention that being hospitalized and or going to treatment is embarrassing, you just hope that everyone else is doing their best and that their lives aren’t affected similarly, by anything that you go through. Right now I’m just feeling depressed, Ive been focusing my energy on fitness and weightloss, taking good care of my physical health, since incurring a new heart condition, which was worrisome, but the best I can do is diet and lose weight, and not let myself get bent out of shape mentally over my health, continue to get checked, and been seen, until I know for sure things are okay, and Im on my way to a full recovery. I’ve learned a lot since being in treatment, both on adderrall and off the med, and also pushed myself to socialize and talk to others, which is great and made some new friends, but still a long way to go in terms, of getting my legal issues squared away and cut back on the creative writing online when it comes to sharing my story or reports, or phone calls or emails made when, and save that for that period in time, and focus on this period in time, what can be done now to help make things better, and to keep qualifying myself to help, based on where I am now, and how I sound, and continue to support myself and who I am in life, and how far Ive come, and not spoil or waste my beliefs in life and connections and how that makes me feel and the stability that comes from talking to who I choose to talk to and open up to, which doesn’t always have to be online on the blog, either. I started journaling, and its been tough off adderrall, I can’t say Im functioning at where I would like to be, but can continue to try and overcome this hurdle.