I have no explanation or justification for anyone’s displeasure with me. I can accept that all they heard was “don’t contact Todd” without concern for my best interests good will or positive effort to improve get help and offer my insights and updates as to my treatment along the way. No one ever asked for anyone to help me or to help me with court or to help the Judge decide whether I deserve to be punished or put in jail, that’s a big decision, and clearly that decision was made clear to be made without me by any treatment team, attorney, and the Judge. I’m sorry that there is nothing more that I can do to be honest and considerate of what others think and or how they are made to feel, burdened with having to submit a letter to court, and what that means to them, to know of my diagnosis, and for 7 months off day meds and perfect attendance to not be sufficient to request for a letter. I’m sorry that no one understands my disability or how difficult or challenging my life and wish that I never attended treatment or had to continue to be in court appear in court and mistreated as though by looking at me anyone can tell everything is good, or anything needs work, not especially now in this condition having gained 50 lbs embarrassed by my appearance and the degradation of my body and weight once taken off day meds, doing my best always. It’s unfortunate to be sued, it ruins lives, it ruined my life, and there is nothing that can be done to repair that energy toward me of dissatisfaction or burden, it becomes the something about you that gives excuse to others to not like you or make fun of you or think that they know you or know what your issues are, it becomes a game about making you look stupid and at your expense, I never asked for anyone to know me, read my blogs, or wish I could be anyone else other than myself, that was never my problem, but clearly Im learning that the more Im ignored, or rejected, or the more I improve and move on, the constant complaint is Im not allowed to message anyone or talk to anyone, of any standing, in my cohort, professional, of any age or standing, it is judged that there is something wrong with me and my choices in life, and that is why I am put down in life, for talking to men, and now being told Im not allowed to talk to men. I don’t talk to anyone period, therefore the few efforts Ive made to be social and communicate was in good fun and in a healthy way being social for me, but since that positive energy and positive spirit could not be respected viewed as sickness, I don’t wish to talk to anyone for the rest of my life, open up, talk about my life, share my thoughts, or ask for help, if I have no life, I have no decisions, no questions, no problems, and there to be no issues about who I am and what Im about and sound like and who they are what theyre about and sound like. It seems like the constant person who is harmed is me, and as many times as I have tried to improve and recover it seems Im not afforded any opportunities to do well, be professional and live life, there seems to be no acceptance as to my challenges and disability and through disclosure with prayers for understanding, for me to not be pushed and insulted until I cant speak accused of confusion or not making sense, be hurt in life. Maybe those are the people who get to know me, learn and remain in control of what they see needs work, but eventually I don’t have to try anymore, I don’t have to change, I don’t need to be labeled, I don’t need to go to treatment, so sound normal, be normal, adjust be accepted, there will never be enough days and tests in life, for observance that will ever measure up to what others have ongoing in their own discussions, there is plenty of evidence of who I am and openly communicate online, therefore I shouldn’t be treated like I for any reason have secrets, or someone to threaten expose and scare or see what Im like under pressure or in fear, losing, or winning, doing well, with a job, or without a job, change enough times, until who is observing is seeing what they want to see, I don’t know what that expectation is, and I don’t deserve to be treated like Im difficult, when Im doing my best, I was so hurt and insulted that upon recovery I was pushed and given a hard time without any consideration for my age or who I am or efforts invested in my treatment and sobriety, its clear when youre hurting you are the only one hurting and everyone else is okay, and that doesn’t make it any easier to talk to anyone, or work, ask for help, blog, participate, or deal with my difficulties head on as it pertains to what was decided with a Judge, or be interrogated as to what I believe is the reason why he suddenly didn’t accept anything about me or progress thus far from one court date (willing to dismiss) to suddenly punishing me using whos treated me to give me difficult news after months of pushing myself, tell me that I need to do more work, it’s not a higher level of care that I need that’s the hospital, and I was told not to call the police when considering being hospitalized, so waited it out, I can’t guarantee Im going to bounce back and everythings going to be okay, to determine when Im going to be feeling well again, I can’t keep up with everyone giving me a hard time when Im not feeling well, and expecting for me to talk about anything without giving me time to rest think about life and process, that shouldn’t be taken personally, I was nice to everyone. I think quitting everything and focus on one requirement AA meetings and do the 12 steps is something that Im being viewed as not serious about or incapable of completing something I have been through twice already in previous sobriety years, so Im not avoidant or using anything as excuse, it’s the simple reason that Im not allowed to talk to men, and that Im sued, that I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone, not especially when Im treated like an ugly troll over pictures and how terrible I look in pictures it never matching my face in the mirror, or be ridiculed for a light filter or taking good care of myself having a good face day on rare occasions. So maybe that’s not the beauty in life that others care for and maybe its on the basis of bad photos or making me look ugly and fat that is the desired satisfaction with people, to see my nice photos, destroy my image cause obesity take me off meds, then humiliate me as fat and ugly looking and look different from my photos and modeling. I can’t keep up with my ability to lose weight and when that happens, or when I gain weight and whos put in control of that. I think using my blog to change me accuse me of being something different private or a bad day not published online, ridicule me as pretending, is the ultimate reason to push for disability and mental illness to question my ability and blogging and writing, and since everytime that occurs I lose, I question whether to be alive, when it’s a worse impression of me that is the peace of others or everyone or revenge that prettier or more successful people think they deserve accuse me of being someone different in real life than on paper or resume, is hurtful I cant live life any differently or more open, and I can’t keep up with all the ways that people decide to distrust me, discredit me, question my intelligence, wellness, or choices in life, since you cannot recognize what love is for me, you will never know what love is for me, you will never see me in love again for the rest of my life, and I don’t have to model, and when I lose 50 lbs again, I will not model or photo, or show my body why, because losing weight is for me like it was 2023 and stopped taking photos upon weight loss, its for no one accuse me of ever lying, or misconduct, or accuse me of inaccurate portrayals of myself in public or on any dating app, the person who isn’t real is this person who upset, prosecuted, made fat, punished, gave a hard time, prosecuted, and ruined my life, and my ability to work, or participate in treatment, there is no treatment center that can fix legal problems or perspectives on me or mistreatments of me, so this is beyond me to what benefit does it serve to further punish me, over medicate me, and stop my life ruin my life put me in a hospital, someone explain to me why when Im not feeling well, no one else notices the emergency or worries, and why when Im doing well, it doesn’t last and becomes a game about what Ive done wrong, without knowing what Ive said to Todd over the years or submitted to his office by email, have some consideration for my health, my identity, and my case, and purpose in life, stop treating me as someone who needs to learn the hard way that theyre fat and not pretty and accuse me of liking men who dislike me or are not attracted to me, punish me for befriending anyone in life, as far as Im concerned, I question why am I alive, if everythings about men liking other things in life, and trying to establish that men don’t like me, or force me to talk to women, and question my wellness, at this rate I wont get well improve anywhere, its clearly not a comprehended challenge in life, that Im treated like sickness is no big deal and injure me as though theres a known solution to get me back to better or wellness, therefore when I refuse treatment, that means I’m done being helped in life, no one wants to help me, no one wants me to love or friend anyone, no credits me for my efforts to go through life openly and share, and I’m sorry I inherit difficulty as a result of talking to men I’m accused of being too ugly or fat or stupid or not good enough to talk to, accuse me of being a reject or someone who is not beautiful accuse me of being ghetto or ugly or let things get to the point of fighting and discussion of my difficulties are no ones business to fix or be given a hard time like Im not trying to work on difficulty out loud, I did my best, my life is hard, and I will be forced to accept that my life is being made difficult, and Im being punished, and I don’t have to ask for help for the rest of my life, or be around people period, I was afforded an opportunity to be normal, and it’s clear that that moments has passed. Side-Discussion: I get that everyone hates OJ, I’m sorry that I grew up close to the family, and did my best to share my story on mymollydoll.com, since taken down, right now I have too many problems in life, to write a book in reflection of my life prior to law school my life after law school or anything current lawsuit wise, not to mention Kanye West hating Jews, and for me to be the only popular blogger female online building websites, and for that hatred toward Jews to concern me, in terms of him knowing Kim Kardashian who I have always admired supported in the form of watching their TV Show, and to have dealt with that concern as to me, privately and having done my best to not personalize his hatred toward Jews, or allow anyones hatred toward Jews whether coming from a Palestinian lens, or Fashion Model Moguls lens, there is clearly so much to learn about people in life, to fully comprehend any difficulty any one person would suffer in the face of any other difficulty presented by another. I always do my best to understand and help, there has not been one volatile situation that I’ve not responded to or tried to help make things better without forging relationships or bonds unwanted is clearly something Im wrongfully accused of friendliness, when I stay away from everyone, don’t talk to anyone.