I think I’ve lived long enough to learn a few important lessons on retaining your ability to help others, would be to not drink or do drugs, stay sober. I have recognized the difficulty in performing to standard grade wise sober focused on academics, versus getting carried away socially and becoming addicted to a substance whether or not was my fault for trying is ultimately a huge error in life with consequences I’ve suffered, not to mention a difficulty faced writing personal statements and addendums to discuss why one semester I did so poorly compared to the semesters before on Deans List, to discuss a problem I faced and made the right decisions to get help be treated and finish school in a longer period of time compared to almost being able to graduate early had I stayed doing well.

That’s how quickly you can go from making it in life to having a failure that hurts to go through with no promise for regained ability or opportunity to be able to get into law school or be able to get good grades, and I was so thankful and proud of myself for figuring out how to get good grades in law school on my own.

So based on my experience applying to jobs and academic institutions, I wouldn’t be blind to overall assessments of my life in short, complain its punishment subjecting me to a life focused on errors or what went wrong in my life. I think I’ve always been one to do my best, like everyone else right now, expecting for better, solution not being promised, relying on one another to feel good and provide reassurances, and a continued low tolerance for complication, fighting, weakness, struggle, disability, or confusion. I’m assuming the same things I’m looking for in recovery are the same things any reader to my blog, voice, treatment center, physician, counselor, prescriber, Judge, or Law Enforcement personnel could ask for to just be well and I think it shouldn’t be hard to stay well or figure out a system for staying well, based on your interests, that helps you and those you care about, is really no ones business how you choose to write or live your life or what meds you take.

We are all given privileges in life and we all have the potential to have happy endings, reunions, moments of pride, and people being excited to see you, and I don’t think I take lightly how punishment intends to affect that ability to be around others, apply for jobs, get a job, or get a paid job, Ive only recognized for “confidence” to any issue suffering from post punishment. Ultimately Im not in charge of what use I am to others in their lives, or who knows me well, likes me, is not bothered by me, disinterested, concerned with me, knows of me online, or through socialization. I have done my best like anyone to put in the effort no matter where I go, but like any moment in life when Ive stopped doing well “could be the issue of burn out” probably tested and retested until there is some real version of me poor that fails to impress, or becomes the but of a joke, as though our Country is in need of some OJ replacement and trying to force me unwantedly into roles I don’t deserve in life, having not harmed anyone, only been guilty of being social seeking acceptances, socializing online, and sued called mentally ill, so no matter at what stage I am in suffering in need of help, or regain a wellness in life able to help others, I don’t think its wrong for me to rest and take a break and say Im tired I can’t push myself anymore than I have, not absurd for me to expect less negative judgment or shock should I decide to give up and discontinue keeping up with a tough schedule, you can only push yourself so much than is humanly possible, and I wouldn’t expect any amount of guilt or wrongdoing or seriousness of diagnosis, to be measured by maxing me out seeing what Im like tired or falling apart, and suddenly whos punishing me becomes dissatisfied with what he’s hearing about me.

I think court is a big deal, but Im not in treatment for court or breaking any laws, I am being excommunicated and scared and threatened and my case as presented seems to be getting worse no matter who is representing me, and Im sorry if that’s viewed as being my fault, once organized able to speak to a Judge, for things to spiral and get worse and more serious accusations fly concerning my health, fitness, innocence, who I am as a person, or whats wrong with me, I think Im allowed to try hard not complain be proud of myself for staying up gradually and improving and for the moments I was well enough to be social, but I think Im making the right choice to rest and stay separate not contact newly formed friendships, until it can be accepted for me to take Vyvanse and navigate this new definition of sobriety that doesn’t include adderrall or Vyvanse meds Im prescribed.

Dear Judge you got what you wanted a diagnosis after years of being treated for my own medical conditions and maintained sobriety, but I couldn’t make my life better to know or meet or in a more public way be accurate about my life daily or steps monthly to improve and set goals and at tremendous odds and difficulty share court records, however maintained in private by phone or shared online, sometimes its for what youre not thankful for Ive shared, that becomes a reason for questioning my life changes and difficulty improving and goal setting, its impossible for me to be well and to live life, if you are calling me “harassment” and its even harder to be accused of a mental difficulty I don’t pose to innocent bystanders and don’t have problems that demonstrate Im guilty or combative that I should be punished for, life is about people living life, and me not having the privilege to be someone and be paid, and I don’t deserve that type of punishment for my honesty and number of years submitting to treatments and experimental meds for schizophrenia.

I think Im good enough to be in public, I just need to lose weight and limit my goals in life, based on my wellness being considered as “something wrong with me” “not good enough” “offensive” “inappropriate” I will not get the life that I deserve so long as Im wasting time about the amount of years taken away from me in life struggling undergoing treatments.

I think your expectations are unreal, and in order for me to speak openly about controversy Ive faced that no one can help me with, I don’t also wish to be ridiculed or called mentally ill for going ahead with a #dearJudge hashtag, be credited for coming to decisions in life in public, addressing where I am now and why and what Ive been through and others, and how I don’t wish for my life to be made hard or be ruined, shouldn’t need to be misdescribed as being somewhere for normalcy not deserved, or exposure to women in recovery, accuse me of “harassment” or being a user “inappropriate” for the same reasons you seek to permanently create a treatment of me to not be taken seriously and be questioned, please don’t again use my challenges in life to live life with purpose be of value, be considered or used to determine there to be something wrong with me, I think being online everyone who knows me gets to check on me and read or see me on Facebook, and Im sure that’s enough for them to carry on in life, absent my delays or medication battles, but #dearJudge the more you wonder why Im well and consider me guilty, the more I don’t deserve to be judged negatively for being strong or battling issues to not affect others so dramatically who are experiencing difficulty, is a battle I can’t fight, is when strength is required and consistent effort to address problems and my own, and with risk of you calling “harassment” as a Judge #dearJudge, Im pretty sure that Im in charge of making my life worth living, life is difficult but more difficult than necessary when its you no one is proud of of, when its you considered to be the problem, and when its you sensitive to your own issues, while others try to act like these are positive formulas for being smart on issues, not be a source of pride to others, so I apologize for making statements like if you don’t like me Im not alive for you, Im sure my life is harder being unemployed unpaid, diagnosed and worrisome to others, and Im sure a suicidal condition is about lack of purpose in life not to mention the potential for continued prosecution and lack of forgiveness for how Ive handled recent traumas, still my problem not the problem of anyone who has helped me who decided to speak to Investigators and a DA who I reached out to.

Don’t mistake my toughness for masculinity, don’t mistake my face structure or body type for sexuality concerns, don’t judge my writing for quality or mental illness I think Ive been insulted enough to not question what others think, and make due with who I am, without affecting anyone keep to myself and not get back in touch with anyone. #dearJudge I think you will be proud of me when mass shootings decrease, when any OJ joke resulting in a crime is addressed and prevented by me or rationale using or comparing romantic endeavors as ways to convince me why or how or what is truth or what is sought to be declared wrong with me or question my upbringing and beliefs, isn’t a wrong belief, that’s making my head hurt affecting my memory causing me confusion upset, giving up, not apply for jobs, not go back to my job, have difficulty blogging, and tweeting is not the issue, the problem is what is wrong with me, why is that not an emergency to anyone you’ve talked to, why is it preferred that I don’t think don’t exercise stay home, don’t socialize, or don’t date, its not my thoughts or voices that are bad or even my writing, its about how many people you’ve supported in their struggles and with two websites and years of improving through writing, do you suddenly decide I have any power in a way that takes or affects or disempowers anyone, or complicates their understanding or abilities in life, and so long as you treat who meets me and complains as intelligent and more well than me, then you will never know who I am what I was made of, figured out what was wrong with me, or what the issue is, and so far as I’m concerned suicide is a non-issue, given my honest experience was a harm I suffered affecting me socially for the rest of my life, not something I went through didn’t disclose or did wrong that was covered up in any way, I think I was honest about being alone, working doing well, sent applications, I don’t know what caused me to be paranoid, throw a tantrum, rip paper up or scratch my arm, but at least I called everyone and reached out to everyone, I’m not responsible for a suicide attempt 2009 that’s not my fault and nothing that anyone teaches you in life to feel about yourself or coming from anyone who loves you, I think going to law school was to be intelligent so that I could overcome difficulty without addressing how suicide affected me while applying to law schools, almost didn’t go, I think later in life your worth is questioned and mental health based on your honesty, I wouldn’t say someone can watch you and tell if your sick or not or be able to help you talking to everyone except you, I cant change my story, and I don’t deserve to have my life changed to test to see if my story is true triggering reactions from me, or challenging me to be strong or what for or how so, demonstrate over the next 10 years how I achieved success through writing and blogging, and accept my losses in all seriousness, if its not okay for me to drink, its not okay for me to lighten up or be made sleepy on alcohol not think not be able to write, therefore if I’m not allowed to drink and impair my writing speaking abilities, then at the same token taking me off day meds, and witnessing difficulty communicating or speaking is an unnecessary functionality that I don’t deserve to be witnessed by with no one else affected, not a big deal to anyone, and for those disclosures to you suddenly change your entire judgment of me. I had to do one thing clearly, not contact a person, I stopped contacting January 2023, and told the Attorney General is calling you’re going to jail, after submitting 4 inches worth of documentation and court forms filled out by me to state issues nothing I’m suing for, but relevant to my own losses. #dearJudge so long as you continue to punish me for a website left up by Facebook and GoDaddy that only years later the Better Business Bureau was able to get taken down with a job, shows that if only a problem to me and no one else cared maybe shocked and didn’t need to see me naked or hear about it make them think less of me, my life may have been over then, but its not over now, if it was over then for 3 years, and being cordial with someone taking photos of him shooting a gun in my face and sending me death threats is not for study or justifiable by any side or creation of voices, used to justify designating an upset towards me #dearJudge, or disempower me reading my messages or who Im being civil with did my best to endure his wrath and got well enough to forgive his peace doesn’t mean Im living a lessor life, and threatening jail #dearJudge is also not deserved, I think no one who hurt me was prosecuted or sued for harassment, you have clearly accepted all anger demonstrated by men toward me and punishing me as though its my fault my quality of interaction or tone direction in life or faith, and its wrong to continue to make me sick questioning in what way I suffered when put on meds disabled how many times taken off meds, how many times I wanted to go to the hospital told to learn how to stick it out at home or in sober living, you know everyone did do their best, its unfortunate that the way in which I was punished demoralized and faced severe career delays, isn’t a quality about me I take for granted, so instead of hearing positives in passing like “call me” by the house manager who witnessed me trying to move out and having not talked to her for the entire time I was there, helping my Mom and Sister, have no one else to reassure me I’m not famous, tell me what to be honest about, or show me a way of being forgiven given the terrible things you’re accusing me of, liking people who you think I’m sick or self-harm in front of people I love, or use any reported experience of voices against me and by tech or privacy losses allow for people to watch me and give me voices no matter what my work product looks like allow me to be observed in real life not good enough, to justify being observed in private not good enough, first we need to keep discussing what I am doing with my life, what I’m not doing with my life, continue to address how self-harm ruins my life not to mention makes me uncomfortable to be around others, has seriously impacted my ability to be loved and able to enjoy the moment, and in what way “voices” became used as a treatment of me making fun of whether or not I am a soldier or tried to apply several years and 2008, to suddenly question my focus in life or ability to protect others from harm, its because I’m strong I’m not bullied or intimidated, its because Im honest work hard, that you seek #dearJudge to change my life, subject me to threats accuse me of “harassing” a popular hardworking DA who is good looking and healthy before I even met him, accuse me of being sick not deserving of love, these are constitutional rights you seek to attack by “criminalizing me in words or by diagnosis” decide I cant date, cant work, cant live alone, call me inappropriate, expect me to get help and make fun of me being helped “sober living” changing my life from success working, to no job contemplating suggestions, managing my own life privately or productively on Twitter, and do my best to stay alive and not affect lives not be called harassment for bonding with anyone, meeting anyone. Being interested in anyone, or trying hard in anyway, if that’s what’s stupid about me headed nowhere then in writing in court we are going to establish rules to prevent there from being a misunderstanding concerning my health, social skills, success, conversations, how I manage difficulty, not be made fun of trying to date not especially after this, if its not about talking to someone new, its about #dearJudge what you think Im talking about in life that poses problems to others or moral or ethical dilemmas that they don’t want to be responsible for by mislabeling me a person of guilt, or with the wrong sexuality, body type, face, or writing ability, it’s clear you’ve all supported and continue to coordinate and defend who’s helped me while continuing to remind me and revisit discontinued care and punish me for confrontation of threat toward me, #dearJudge, if you can forgive women for doing drugs, dating, flirting, liking both, there is nothing about me not disclosed or wrong with me dishonest that subjects any woman or man to be injured or disrespected by my thoughts or eyes (known for not making eye contact) accuse me of coming on to anyone or rubbing anyone the wrong way, #dearJudge I may not be the perceived inspiration facing challenges on my own following my heart meaning well that’s a risk to me, regardless what accounts Im locked out of, if you cant accept who I am and how I help, then I have no duty to explain to anyone who I help and why or use positive comments from the blog or wordpress likes, to challenge me to go from well or nothing to say, commercial and articles, promoting other books, scientific or writing quotes, if #dearJudge it’s the underlayer that you seek for everything to be online and for things to go well and for less communications in private, then allow me to do my best fixing myself, overcoming hardship, job loss, disagreement, difficult being cared for, disappointment, respect, recovery stages not question those sponsoring or in caretaking positions, figure out my place in life again, with no money, stay home, be sober (not worth feeling big or smiling randomly in a fancy location wasn’t worth the bloody mary I mentioned was virgin). Maybe I forgot who I was and who died, but I texted Sydney asked by my sister did you tell her where you were, texted her to wish her a Happy Mothers Day, and lucky to receive a reply, even told on the day OJ died not to contact anyone before I texted my condolences. Trust me Im not using thse mini social milestones, to ignore difficulties not confuse anyone or cause anyone to believe that anything in life is easy or by association, look at me, full of belief and potential and trust in being public online and on networks with my story, be proud of how that works and is not my job to explain what needs faith or how Im working all I have to do #dearJudge, is continuing being myself practice my system of helping public or more things private, and do my best to not present a difficulty or introduce a medical condition teachable by writing that disempowers anyone, doesn’t make sense, wastes time, makes anyone look bad or not proud, keep the big deal and seriousness on me, this lifetime without seeking help, stay on my own, continue to do my best to achieve solution by being able to write in a way that’s settling to all sides, and continue to preach what voices could be vs what Im accused of having or being led by based on what advices sought and given, ultimately only I can live this life, whether Im a game, not trusted, experimented with, known and loved, not known and upsetting or confusing, when it comes to crime, embrace the ways in which I am allowed to communicate (#dearJudge) and don’t dirty your minds or your hands or your faces with street nonsense fabel or “make fun of life or code or career paths” I think Ive made clear who I am who I meet, who has later become successful, and let’s continue to not question why life works in that way #dearJudge whether I am helped, accepted, or punished, just like everyone has the right to steer clear of controversy be credited for being helpful, Im not concerned if Im the last person to be happy, at ease, modeling, video, writing quotes, or being who I was online up until this point, not unless I address the word “harassment” “me too” “crime” “court” “lawsuit” “threat” women who were hired to help me who I was then punished for being affected by them and looking bad for complaining are things Im not forgiven for no AA meeting will understand and no wellness #dearJudge is suddenly making light of myself or others feeling threatened by me, its my life, my choices, what I think, emails Ive written, contacts Ive established that is my life to live, instead of punishing me for why rejected (1) being sick on heavy meds upset others cause for sending me death threats and humiliating website with millions of views taking over my rank of mymollydoll.com (taken down) after that website was put up and couldn’t be taken down and just got worse and worse and more detailed. (2) therefore getting sick now is not my goal goes against my best interests since by disclosing my condition upon being exposed, creates a test of who is communicating to me at peace supportive test to see if I get sick or sent to more treatment if whos at peace will get upset with me and trash my website and identity online, that’s not taking seriously who disabled me and required 3 years of managing alone on my own frozen or not, meds or not, needed to improve through, block if I could, respond if it helped, and maybe that’s the condition Im punished for someone who wanted to see me naked and masturbated to me enjoyed exploring his sexuality with me and demanding photos on Trazedone wouldn’t let me wear an outfit, is how my love was judged while undergoing meds for schizophrenia. (3) so that’s the lesson to be a celebrity you have to be healthy young looking maintain appearances submit quality work isn’t about what jobs I qualified for applied to when appeared for, its about my face being questioned and using bad photos to accuse me of photo shopping my face or using a lens, this is an entirely new subject and accusation “being in a bad condition worse than a photo, or using weight changes to accuse me of fraud or looking when obese, or later becoming obese after I verified my photos too late, so for every issue and every concern suffered Ive learned the hard way that dating isn’t about me being liked, my photos and verification or job isn’t proof enough Im well or fit for dating, and that by what records I keep private Im punished for keeping track of interactions, accused of being someone unreal or worse and presenting online, when well and with a job, makes it clear if Im given a new rule “non comm, which is not being allowed to communicate with men” those are among the new rules made for me whether Im in sober living or living at home, its about whatever brings them peace seems right opinion valued #dearJudge I get that aspect of punishment, that Im not important, I will rarely if ever was or not be allowed to be spoken to without issue, and the continued punishment of me for “self-harm” I was open about and kept photo records of, ran with positive purpose whether anyone now cares (what I wanted marriage be strong to be picked) when sympathies have gone, its not about whats true about my moitvations, whats being tested #dearJudge is ruining my life, watching me be unstable, not talk to who you told me not to contact, know that my punishment is about protecting from harm a person you are accusing me of harming whether I helped him, was professional, loving, innocent, helpful, about crime, fears, suicide, or inappropriate content youre accusing me of getting sick or being “non-compliant” to punish me with the words of a doctor who rescinded care continued treatment with a life changing diagnosis, is what this is about #dearJudge, everytime Im well you feel offended based on who I complained about or felt hurt by or challenged by to “go to the hospital” and becomes the same issue and cause for coordinated treatment to continue to judge me in hardship or instability make fun of who I am or what I sound like with nothing, or “non comm” not communicating with anyone. These are the reasons #dearJudge where you are not forgiving me, these are the ways in which I was helped knowing myself to be helped, and recognizing that I went through challenges couldn’t email or be helped once care was dropped, not to mention any effort outside of work to figure out how to help was necessary just like I publicly mentioned where I would be working contacted a business located on that street, isn’t an obnoxious announcement that (is trying to) make me responsible for a shooting occurring at a gas station a block away from my street, even if not the gas station I went to, these are ways I made public changes and where I would be, knowing that it matters in terms of who is around should know if someone known is working on their block, has now become something about “guilt” by #dearJudge, how should I be able to know or prevent something bad from happening, and in what way are you using places of employment or location of gun violence to associate to me in a job known or not known for deciding whether me working and not blogging or in treatment is an influential factor in things going wrong, I think I’m brave to work through my own issues and punishments, keep explaining how I help, going out of my way to talk to police or ask questions, and continue to not use my blog or anywhere as a place of change or any treatment to justify poor reaction to me, crime, location of crime, or who that communicates to everyone, so me moving home started March 26 before any incidents and had a job, and me moving home isn’t to be stronger or be a quicker way of doing anything in life else proper to address a prevented mass shooting, my place is what’s wrong with me, what’s being accused, how my life has been affected, which women I’ve been threatened by, which complaints am I punished for, which lesser people am I being accused of associating with, what ways in which I’m devalued or used make me look stupid and create an unnecessary secret that doesn’t go to my acceptances of others fearless or hesitancy to talk openly about life misunderstood, in the end I can do my best to be distant, and be positive, and no one will see the harm in me being accepting, constantly punishing me for not getting a number or being out on a scary night in leggings after talking to the police, it was my boundary set please don’t open up to me I’m a blogger not in a place to date being punished, was interpreted as loosen up, accept a ride home one block, the police stopped by the car and waved to them I was okay, and asked to be dropped off not in front in a Genesis, and in all secrecy that was an experience in life that didn’t make me street or less than or speak wrong and treated wrong that’s the issue, its about me talking about life, being honest, and not forgiven and not recognize how I feel when Im nice to everyone, and judged as being improper or not worth knowing trying hard to talk to others, or out and have something wrong with me, it was that someone got stabbed to death in my neighborhood and found in Long Beach, that was concerning, it was my check overcharged for drinks I wasn’t sure about that I wanted to ask about that night, but the bar was closed. I can’t afford secrets or have a life with people in it, if that’s something you consider that doesn’t make me cool or reflects positively on my good character and who I am as a person, so excuse me for making light of my brief social attempts and numbers collected, I think life is more about what Im not doing, and if I could describe how being sued feels or punishment beginning January 2023, it takes years to overcome punishment of you or distrust and hardship financially that that causes your family, there are so many ways to decide Im wrong, but in my brief experiences loving and supporting others, its not my enthusiasm for life and positively that fails anyone, #dearJudge it’s a sickness you are punishing me accusing me of being delusional and not famous, or make fun of self-harm or voices as not serious fixed by schizophrenia medications, and to continue to make me suffer by voices no matter what room I live in or what stage of progress Im in. #dearJudge so if you are deciding to punish me, its about when care is rescinded, therefore more treatment is improper cant help and based on your involvement no future treatment is necessary now that you’ve mislabeled me. In addition since youre calling me delusional and harassment “Im not responsible for paying attention to anyone or wondering what anythings about let alone whether about me, Im a blogger, I think I created a pen name with meaning a story carefully written with respect briefly mentioned association not like it was something difficult to say “OJ” youre accusing me of living a life like it ever mattered or was offensive to know, maybe only now, since you don’t care what my mental health is about or court or medical records, its not my truth that will bring you peace #dearJudge it will be about how many people you can accuse me of hurting or being helped by call me delusional pretend Im known or loved, criticize the existence of a happy ending when people give up and later stage of wellness people feel safe to be recognized to mentioned, that’s a source of pride in things going right that while you are punishing me, can’t be fixed no matter what I know cant help or can hurt me currently, nothing Ive mentioned along the way works, since everything important Ive endured handled the right way suddenly is focused on #dearJudge, in what way I don’t make sense or cant handle life, or can be rejected, or am too much, can be around others, if you are punishing me accusing me of making people I love face difficulty or rejections, then you don’t know who I am or what voices are, or who’s responsible for what, and so long as you seek to justify the health and professionalism of others, its not my delusions or being rejected or any email period that needs to be judged as mental illness, its about when I stop asking for help, needing help, when my wellness isn’t offensive, when other peoples wellness or discomfort is or isn’t something I can fix as a human being support others, not be treated as a let down or something else, not going to make it, or anyone who didn’t suffer too, but less public about “being kicked out” or for what