bipolar, journal entry, self-help

Root for Friends …

When it comes to likeability you either are who you’re attracted to or you haven’t met the mark in life, looking up to more than just a few, doesn’t mean you’re behind in life, it just means you (1) need to focus on yourself more or (2) have focused too much on yourself without taking a step back in life to view all. That’s your choice in life whether to live in (a) private or to live your life (b) publicly. Always stay balanced, life’s not a competition for resources unless you become too reliant on others for support, and view non-support or support toward others as a threat to your likeability. Be wary of the stages to your personal growth as a writer you will not be respected and/or liked by all. Meaning your style of writing may not resonate with everyone some rely more on backstories than others, some wish not to be a backstory to your story, so they choose not to be in your life, that explains why I as a writer live without a social life it’s been this way for years, not just because of voices, but it’s necessary to be doing well to have people in your life, the more symptomatic you are the harder it is to socialize and be social. I don’t think that social media has contributed in any way to my mental health issues which began before recognizable participation on social media websites, I had a few profiles up however seldomly shared, it was only beginning 2013 that I decided to be a mainstay online and learned how to balance setting goals for myself academically and being online professionally as a writer I’m sure I thought I was a comedian I’m sure others did not think I was funny but immature expecting more of me at times. What is friendship to me? Those who are unconditional toward you, forgiving, and or supportive of you through difficult times, and who leave you alone to figure yourself out in life not be one to judge you just because you haven’t achieved an official career yet in life. -Writing has always been my strength, not motivated or driven for purposes of personal defense in life, I’ve never been a defensive person, always letting my friends shine never in competition with them as most friends are to their friends, never a fight, always to their benefit let things go. Nor am I product of breakups, this is not a point in my life where I’m pretending everything’s okay when things are not okay, I will always have good and bad days that’s neither because I had addiction or because of drinking and what transpired, I will always have bipolar and be on meds for the rest of my life whether others understand what my condition is, empathize, relate, have compassion for me or others who have entered my life feeling helpless to any cause if existing to support me in my life, I don’t need help from anyone, I’m expected via my education to function and provide for myself and if possible “be of service” to others, that’s my capacity to care, I hope that one day I will fully recover from mental health issues but I’m not sure at this point in my life, just as much as that uncertainty hurts for me to hear I’m sure that others are either happy or indifferent to that diagnosis, thinking I deserve to suffer or that it’s my fault I am suffering mentally or emotionally at times, no that’s not deserved.

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