Choose People Who Choose You …

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Without getting into too much detail about my past I can share one experience of rejection and how it changed me. For the most part growing up I was always one of the most popular girls, and often the family that hosted end of the year class parties at our house, and in high school kickbacks with friends hanging out and sleeping over. Boy did those old comforters come to good use in those days, all our blankets stacked in the hallway cabinet that would burst open at bed time everyone grabbing a set of sheets for themselves. So for the most part I’ve never had to worry about making friends I’ve always had friends let alone maintain rapport after a business meeting in which I was asked to pitch my idea out loud concerning hashtags and gun violence, and wanting to do something to help everyone online by campaigning, re-blogging fashion, writing quotes, sharing schoolwork, any content I could think of, while branding myself as, and make a name for myself. I was never in any way seeking to represent others or step on stage to redress any wrongs by others passed, that wasn’t the purpose of being public online. Low and behold all the dirt comes up the minute you decide to bare all thoughts online, it’s not as freeing of an experience as you’d expect it to be, it’s actually at first really hard to wrap your head around your own thoughts without becoming too sensitive to what others think or could be thinking, it’s definitely not for the paranoid, writing in public you have to be very wise with your words never causing harm to your own reputation or the reputations of others. Who do I represent? Everyone that knows me and slept at my house, I even met Jonah Hill at my house in the back driveway at the bottom of the hill, they were laughing in the street heard them and introduced myself. I later bumped into him at an AA meeting but by then too shy to say hello, maybe when I’m in a better place in life can be social again, comfortable with myself around others without fear of being judged in the negative because I had an experience with rejection. It took me many years to recover from the unnecessary silent treatment of friends and exes I’ve come to just accept that that’s the way things are and not to take anything personally as I’ve grown and matured, just as I need my own personal space, I guess so do others. -The main lesson is that when you have an idea, unless you’re Melinda Gates and able to finance a project in support of an idea, not to be too out there and scare others away, just as others claim to be scared in the face of your suggestion to provide advocacy to victims of violence (secondaries, tertiaries), don’t be intimidated by the opinions of others, or feel pressured to be normal and balanced, it’s okay to be creative within reason meaning with approvals from others, I registered as a company in the State of CA, applied for recognition at the Shorty Awards and Feedspot, signed up for Alexa and was approved, everything you can do to legitimize yourself as a reasonable source of care grounded by approvals is what makes you a reliable source, not just your work history, but all your effort included in reporting and becoming of value, I was even selected to be a Judge at American Association of Suicidology AAS20, and applied to give a Ted Talk on my experiences as a blogger with a history of bipolar and feeling suicidal 2009 before I started law school, while living in West Hollywood, alcoholic. Sober now, I only hope that those who didn’t believe in me will not continue to interfere with my ability to move forward in life and if for any reason they think I’m not doing a good job to instead focus on themselves, your biggest critics in life are people who don’t need you but rely upon their rejections of you to hold their heads high as right and better than, when it comes to wellness, I’ve just accepted my lowered social status in life and it’s nothing worth dying over, rejected or not. #stopsuicide

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