All Improvements are Important …

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Ive never tried to preach in a condescending way about life, maybe that’s what makes me so approachable, that people feel smart around me, for whatever reasons those are, some are made to feel better about themselves just by witnessing something in a room that someone else cannot tell themselves. You learn to be observed, and for everything that you could be known for whether its coming from you, or something you’ve said online. I think that much about life you have to be proud of your good moments book writing, and the moments when you were not yourself, it will always be on you, how you are made to feel about yourself, so always do your best to invest 80% of your time and energy on something within your control, not be ruled by the thoughts of others, it matters, and what it comes down to, is what you have to say when all is said and done, or when $hit hits the fan, or when there is trauma, or when there is question as to leadership, I think leadership is for demonstrated conduct, overtime, and feeling like anyone is a reliable input in life, we are not all ahead of the pack, and Ive never lead a campaign in my life, other than flyers, so I would never think that its ever been a question of not caring, maybe just people not caring, or wondering why I care, its not something you talk about what you do for a living, whether that’s blogging or organizations you have come to know, that’s a permanent attachment, whether anyone is willing to accept that bit about me, its not a resume builder, and my life is not a full proof strategy for overcoming any feelings of doubt, which is half the battle in life, believing in yourself and believing in others. -So what does dating mean, it means Im letting go of the old version of myself who was scared to date, did not have energy to chase a man and text for a date, does not have the energy to drive and to go by anothers schedule, that was me on my own for 9 years, that’s staying put, but not in a way, that is guaranteed that you’ll be picked eventually, not if you wait too long. I don’t think there is a rush to date in your 30s, there will always be people to date, you just have to go out and talk to people, then you get a date, its not something Ive ever struggled with being liked, I think if you are smart about your health, you don’t really run into situations, where you feel like some left over subject of love, I think everyone prides themselves in being able to be loved whether that happens for you in life, or in some other form, I don’t think family support counts in that way. What does it mean to be yourself, I think if you have love, its easy to love, I think if there is an issue with whether you are loving feminine to others, or only in private able to be loving feminine, then that could make you a unique person, to not be that way with everyone, why sharing photos was important to me, that’s not a loss of enthusiasm on my face, that’s me not lit up in a comfortable way with most, and takes me awhile to warm up to people, I think some are automatically warm in that way, its not something that comes automatic to me, to just give my heart away. With the internet, it’s a very new subject sharing value, your heart, your mind, photos, Im not sure how permanent of a connection that makes, all I know is that if I have shared work, I for some reason don’t feel good, so that’s not something Ive known about myself not until this year, when its work submitted for review for award, as of 2021, I get sick, and Im not sure if that’s to justify submitting work for review 2017, I don’t think that submitting work to professionals is a cause for sickness or voices, I think being alone, and not being social, or by the friends you choose judged, so maybe that’s me being friends with people who are not viewed as successful, popular, or wealthy, and that’s sometimes what you attract in life, people friendly toward you, and neither one of you need eachother, but are nice to one another, and not in a romantic way, homies. I think the concept of self-love, is not about sexuality, its about being a strong person, not easily swayed, not easily offended, appreciative of others, doesn’t think that everything is about them, is not insecure, is a solid friend, easy to be around, not someone who is uptight, or uncomfortable by subjects, I think once it gets to that point you really have to reconsider what it is you are doing with your life, and what it is you need to do with your life in order to be happy, and that could just mean date, get to know a human being, meet someone new, and that’s not something that you can strive for in life, anyone who is willing to help you, get to know you, willing to talk to you. So in that way Ive been lucky a few times in life (2007, 2010, 2021). I think those are the best matches, someone who goes out of their way to talk to you, that means that they like you, and then that means if you like them, they liked you first, so then you are responsible for keeping the relationship going, so be reassuring to them, so that’s not the draining point, its will be something going on personally, the inhibits your ability to be present in talking to another about what it is that’s going on with you, I think therapy would’ve been sufficient, for discussion of the past, I think once you have to share your story, that doesn’t necessarily create the compassion in life you were hoping for, and its not to excuse bipolar as a normal reaction to thinking that anyone is communicating to you, that would mean you are noticed, so it wont be that everyone is in their shells around you either, so that’s why its important to be a well adjusted adult. I think the more you backwards in life the more immature you sound, and while you may try to explain what caused you illness, it really wont matter unless you stay well, those are terms that you don’t want to be held down to in life, treated like you are immature or insensitive to concepts concerning life and death, I think if you’ve had your own brush with death, contemplating life, it will happen before you have thought that deeply about things, and thinking deeply about things cannot take back the years lost, when you didn’t know how to get back to being yourself, or what was the cause for you to not feel with it, or loved. Everyone grows up matures, and blossoms at their own pace in life, if its not your number one priority what you look like, then it wont appear like you have been taking good care of yourself. So that’s what all the hoopla is about who is responsible for making a person feel loved, connected, moving forward in life, with it, admired, or safe, I think that’s a space that you create for yourself, its not something gifted to you from another persons life, to assure you that everything will be okay, that’s where the unnecessary nurturing comes from, no one wants to be shrunken down to someone smaller on the inside, by anyone who sees themselves as bigger than. You will later learn that it may be okay for some people to talk about subjects and it will not be okay for you to talk about subjects, and that’s where experience comes into play. We all get hurt, misunderstood, but never in my life, did I think that there was some special way to tell your life story, or assemble in in a memorizable format, that you would be made fun of for, and portrayed as though you watch others, not a woman yourself with your own assets in life to manage, attracted to people that don’t like you, or some bottom feeder dweller in life, that no one wants to be around let alone talk to or touch, its gotten that refined, everyones royalty now or so it seems, so confident about the issues but not one is that confident about you, only until everything feels the way they want everything to feel then they pretend like you were a problem then or now, it doesn’t matter if your worse, or better, if you cant stay well talking about something, than that means not to talk about it no matter where the voices are coming from in life, that’s not always your fault, or by popularity or by how many people know you. So that’s men who pretend to love you or like you, then make fun of you, like that’s how you show everyone what you look like in a loving relationship. That’s not me being a writer, to be most approachable, that’s me not being sexual and that’s not a character for IMDb I have ALWAYS been that way my whole life, not sexual, not a flirt, conservative, dressed covered, doesn’t show my body, and doesn’t wear makeup. Ive changed. 

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