Recent Likes on Blogpros + Letter to Audience …

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04-13-21 Phases on Blogging: 259

04-13-21 Recently I Noticed: 1551

04-13-21 How to Be Brave: 1565 

04-12-21 Whats Related?: 1755

04-12-21 Facing Your Fears: 1850

04-12-21 Losing Interest: 1722

04-11-21 Don’t Let Anyone Bother You: 1907

04-11-21 Pushing for Conspiracy: 1788

04-11-21 How to do What is Right: 1816

04-10-21 Went for a Walk/Run Today: 1990

04-09-21 Always Be a Catch: 2081

04-09-21 Limited Contact Relationships: 2207

04-09-21 Everything Communicates: 2005

04-08-21 Where Do you See Yourself: 2139

04-08-21 All Improvements are Important: 1815

04-07-21 New Website, New Launch: 1986

04-07-21 Based on You Needs and Cares: 2032

04-07-21 Being Okay with Yourself: 2172

04-07-21 War is Not a Game: 2233

To Whom It May Concern:

I think with consideration for my audience, there will be discrepancies in my stats, I don’t think as a blogger I would want any unauthorized access to my numbers, following, mailing list, or likes anyways, that’s best to be kept in the hands of someone who has technical skills in managing clients, or identities, which should not be for use or distribution for study by anyone who is reading my work, to investigate or categorize my worth based upon my readership benefit from that know how or statistical analysis, so if its not something I am working on yet, not something that I have the energy to keep track of, can only go by how Im feeling report my condition which does not mean that I am being watched or read in the negative by anyone who does not know me, I think a pain occurs when its someone you know, who is not in approval of what you have to say, who is also probably not interested in hearing what you have to say, therefore my readership is not anyone, who needs to be convinced, changed or notified of any of my connections in life, where I live, where I went to school, or where I have worked, I was nice enough to share personal information and by job application prior to blogging its become clear that it was necessary for me to open up and be myself and then based upon a totality of who is in acceptance of me, either I become more marketable for hire, or I become more maketable as a professional blogger, that does not mean that Im not capable of getting sick, or being injured if I am treated as though I am not carefully considering what to do with my life, who to associate with, who to date, and what to write about, it will never be anything that is about anyone that I have met, its clear that if I talk about my life, in a personal way, its not viewed as something positive but then gets used to treat me like Im not supported by those people or understood by them to have gone through a lot, and then hurt to see whether when hurt if I talk about anyone from any other moment in life when Ive been hurt.

I think its very extreme to compare a 35 year old woman to a 18 year old woman, I don’t think Im the same, I probably have more to say, I probably do feel stressed about my future how Im going to be able to take care of myself, work, earn a living, and in no way shape or form have I ever made those stresses public, when it comes to ability and disability, it’s a spectrum of care I can personally identify with, whether or not anyone recognizes me as smart, or influential, or positive, as soon as you let down your guard, that’s also not an opportunity as you mature to not handle things in stride and to think about your future where to go from here before someone else takes control over what will happen to you in the future, so that’s why its important that if you have potential, to do you best to get help, if someone offers help figure out what they have to offer, if someone is interested in being marketed through you, keep track of those contacts and when it becomes a better time to promote others, not while you are in crisis, trying to get help to figure out what to do in the event that you were treated in a way for someone else to take an upper hand to you, in life, and treat you as though you are sexually promiscuous, or a risk taker, or someone to devalue, everyone respects me, so if one person does not, they are sorely mistaken to not accept me as a woman, to call me names, and to continue to threaten me. 

Im sorry that I pen paled, I never saw myself as someone you would meet and not be able to get rid of a thought or an image of me, Im sorry if you have read my work, and it has not been as inspiring or influential to your idea creation or positive momentum in life. Im sorry if anyone thought that I was intending to social climb, or to make any issue or prior condition about anyone else, it has always been about my own strength, discipline, and determination, never about shading anyone, or discrediting anyone for being where they are today. I have never compared my life to anyone, I have never had it easy in life, its when I am well I am rewarded and have the free time to think of myself, its always about the comfort of others past the point of anyone complaining about your mental health, which is not something I ever imagined would be the key factor in deciding whether to accept me or reject me from a persons life, as though I am the type of human being who they do not want to be around or associate with based upon what they think has happened, or consider me a weak connection or a cause for loss. When youre well you feel like you can talk to anyone, if you get sick, then you understand the difference between being someone who is well and being well liked, versus feeling confused, distant, not able, not yourself, not presentable, and fail to be who you were before you got hurt.

I can understand if someone hates me because they got to know me intimately, if there is fighting I have never stayed close to anyone past a fight, that means they are upset with me, means that I cannot make them happy, and means they do not understand me and consider me to be wrong. I think if you know someone famous, that’s how you get treated like this non stop train coming at you in life, that wont let up, its to every issue, every political theory, how your identity fits in terms of what the related issues are how you self identify and whether you configure in the positive with a restful heart and mind that everything will be okay, or whether you are someone who has always been this intense, uptight, under pressure, hurt, or not emotional, not taking photos, not sending videos, and becoming more professional.

Because that’s how life works, you have fun, then you have to be serious, and I don’t think that when the time comes for everyone to be serious, you should be made tired taking everything seriously, not handling minor disputes cordially, and not requiring anyone to turn on anyone, in order to make any set number of reactions occur within me, or the accuse me of having a poor reaction and claim that something I have said translated poorly in terms of how anyone else has come to view progress, change, and personal development.

Sometimes for sport it makes others feel better to prove you wrong, or try to illustrate that you are not who you say you are, different. I think I am capable to doing what I set my mind to, I think I accomplished a lot over the past 8 years since leaving one educational institution for another educational institution, and have never been gamey or strategic about where I have worked, or what was said in any personal statements, have never had the upper hand over anyone in life, sometimes it will be in being known, or read, that others come to see more clearly whats at issue, so whether you are last to look back in awe, or whether its upon meeting someone in awe with you, be patient with yourself in the process of coming to terms with all that has happened, and give yourself more credit for having done your best, regardless what outcomes occur for you personally, not also take the heat or the blame in an individual way, or streetside, like youve never not been there for everyone, or be treated as someone who causes problem or difficulties for anyone elses career objectives in life, I think people will be okay with you for so long as you are okay, and past the point of not being okay, no one can take care of you and thats being on your own in life, thats not being at the top of any game in life (ie. blogging).

It means the graver the risk to your health, the more important it becomes to focus on yourself without worry for commentary, most of what is thought or said comes from you, and if you do not speak clearly, or by statement assumed, is how the opposite occurs, someone feeling good if youre miserable, someone feeling offended if youre doing well, and thats not everyone being happy for you in life, there is no stair to climb, no specific location to arrive to be considered a success, so even if everyone is ahead of you in life and you have nothing that doesnt make you a failure either, everyone has their own paths in life, not everyone gets the social support, academic support, romantic support, or financial support, as most workers do, for giving it their all, and doing their best, unpaid (writing).

Whats a grave risk? A risk to your health will be anything that doesnt make you feel good, which can be a result of some condtion prior existing, or some condition caused which you do not have experince dealing with (voices). I think writing has been a temporary solution to finding my peace and so has reading, it is clear that if Im not at my best, this leaves room for question, whether I am sick or self-harming or mentally ill for any reasons social or political, I think everything can be too much, and if its to the point of everything being too much for you is why Im going back to IOP, thats not a politcal statement, thats not being able to cope with what has happened, not able to file a simple court order, and made to feel sick, by being threatened, so thats for the sake of comparing me to someone prettier, more successful than me, or more accomplished than me, if I have not had that life, ever, and if I have only lived alone and just moved home, then my life is already hard, so blogging was to improve my life so that I can get a job, its not to make friends to network, or be famous.

In the technology era, it seems to work in this way, I may have mentioned this before, the reaction occurring before the clarity, it will be by the review a set of understandings determined with a limited number of data or insights to make a determination of a persons worth or where they are headed in life, and those are not snap judgments, its thinking that someone is stronger than they are, and requiring more output from them, which cannot diffuse what has gone wrong, which is why the term overcome was made, if you cannot overcome something, and if you were not wrong in thinking that way, then it will be either something that can be addressed or corrected to make things better, but that will not always occur in a loving way, or feel like a hug, or a kiss, or a set of internal animations that light you up or make you feel warmer to the circumstances, there is not changing past the point of disability.

So even if you never pick up on the causes for it, lets not push people to extremes to see whether there is something not to know about them which if left out in the open, would cause their stomachs to churn, or feel sick, I think anything about your body in the nude, is humiliating, embarrassing for someone who does not even wear bathing suits, why would I ever be naked for anyone? That’s not being shy, that’s just not comfortable being looked at, and if thats the issue to be overcome by losing weight is why I am losing 50 lbs again, because everything else was thought to have happened to me, to explain my past which was never anything that it is now.

That’s the issue, everything perfect on the outside, but nothing is going right in private. No interactions, no chemistry, no communications, no bonding, no contacts.

All I have been doing for 8 years (14 years) had been applying for government jobs, starting with the Boulder DA (2006), that’s not having sex, not dating, not going out, not drinking.

So to later be treated like Im to be communicated with, in the negative, that jeopardizes my health, it jeopardizes the health of everyone around me, and the purposes for hurting me, does not create a bigger evil, or a bigger disorder, or a bigger disease, or a bigger deal. What it does is that it makes me a weaker person, a more sheltered person, a more insecure person, so that who I was just 6-12 months ago, is not the person that I am today, someone who is made to feel scared, intimidated, or be someone who is writing too much but not enough about what can be done for others in trying to process what has gone wrong for them get help in the positive. So that’s providing advocacy, getting help, and notifying everyone that things are not going well for you suddenly, and working through that disability, without self-harming. 

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