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How to Process Shame …

woman wearing trendy coat and makeup with glass in bar

What are the ways in which shame can impact your psyche, or be made to look like? At a time like this, there can be any number of elements keeping you from being your whole self. What does that mean. It means when you feel hurt, its easy to go backwards, then be reminded of that hurt, and that does one no good moving forward, not by reviewing whats in front of you, the present moment, and all the feelings that can be stirred into the mix, appreciating where you are, not what you have done past, to be combined with how you are feeling now, misassociated in life, or fuel any tangents for blame, which would require there to be something wrong with you, to pin point, an underlying cause for you not feeling well.

Sometimes what you fear will be attributed to yourself, may just be something that needs clarification, the gamble for acceptances, to say what it is you are thinking, with faith in yourself that you will be able to handle any feedbacks without feeling compromised in life, worse off. So fear less, that although everyone will wonder why bring up something only affecting you then be upset once it is interpreted in that way, worry less about at what expense there is for of not being considered to being affected by whats going on right now, assume that either you are not affected, or trying to explain how affected in this moment, by recalling a previous moment when you have ever felt this way broken. Then you wouldn’t be a writer, giving permissions for others to sit with good feelings, instead of maintaining your own sense of peace without discussion and risk to your own needs.

According to psychologytoday.com, “Shame, like guilt and embarrassment, involves negatively judging ourselves when we believe we’ve failed to live up to either our own standards or the standards of other people (H. Lewis, 1971).” [1] Today, I recognize that I have not been myself recently, so the first thing I would advise myself of, would be not bring up anything that can cause me later harm, by supporting a negative judgement of me, to mean more than it does. And this is where there is no stopping point or upper limit, to anyones inspection of you, if viewing you in the negative, it will continue to be a game of matching conditions, for proving points, and not allow you any leeway to prove yourself to any bettered state, that’s something no one can help you with, what you have done wrong, even if not intending to cause you harm in the long run, its by the feelings you carry, that ultimately inhibit your own growth, do you allow the feelings of others to process through you causing you to not feel good about yourself acknowledging the negative sentiments of someone who is either truly upset with you or pretending to be someone from your life who is no longer here, make light in memory of them while hurting you for reaction, and that’s a painful lesson in coming to terms with your entire life, a play by play of all your memories, and think what you could have done better in life.

One of the more humbling moments in time, is being happy with yourself. It will matter what else is going on in the world, so be sure to be strong for everyone else too. There is no such thing as being on any losing team, but there is a such thing as being treated like a loser or a liability, and no one wants to consider the negative until they have done everything possible, to not be denominated in life, someone out of touch with whats going well, or be the side least taken in life, thats having a difficult life, you are either apart of, or you choose to allow yourself to wither in the process of figuring out what it is you need to do to keep going in life, and sometimes that means more human interaction and less fantasy for that matter.

Remember the moments when you recognize yourself to be funny, when you were strong enough to talk yourself out of difficulties in life, the moment it becomes negative commentary, simply means that there is something about you that needs to be fixed not necessarily the problem of others to dictate to you what it is that you could be doing a better job of, dont be so convinced that there his something wrong with you, or subject yourself to being blamed should things not work out for others or the causes you support, why would I ever allow myself to get sick, to fall behind, to not be strong, if its not everything you have trained for in life, to have a life, then why would I convince anyone else that life has become anything less than it was, better.

So lets be clear, it maybe was fun for a time to make fun of everyone, and maybe now it may be difficult to see the positive in someone, you either dont understand, or sounds like is in a place in life, you have been not expecting one to sound like. It will be because I was nominated for an award this year in blogging, graduated from law school last year, and eligible to start dating again and get a job, that it seems like I have it made, but just like everyone else when things are not going well trying to figure out what can be said better, that doesnt always mean that you will be able to physically withstand all the backlash or prior commentary that left anyone to feel like cutting the chord on you in life, thats their loss, and as someone who has once been in trouble, it then becomes your responsibility to stay stable not make your condition about anyone elses health but your own health.

And this is how fragile life is, that if you get sick, you will not be able to work jobs, you get left at home, and until you are better can you be around people, and then one step at time move forward in life, you dont have to have all of life figured out, just not be weak enough to allow anyone to get under your skin in life, aggravate you, or convince you or any third parties that you are not a good person, who is not in need of help, or who gets helps, and is not made to feel better, a lost soul.

Recently my website that I have been working hard on for 2 years book writing, and finishing my masters degree was taken down, I paid my bill, I was permitted to blog on a limited basis not for exciting negative attentions or causing myself harm personalizing everything to be about me, there was time for being positive and that required that I stay well. So ultimately my website was deactivated, I will have to figure out how to get in touch with Weebly in order to save my remaining content, in the middle of moving at the moment, just for more security, I have an appointment next week with the company I hired to help me. That was an investment, and so were my CITI courses, to be a research writer, not to do any therapy online which would be discussion of a problem that I dont have the solution for or a physical reaction only existing within me when certain triggers occur how I am made to feel, none of my meds have been changed for the moment.

So a new website, does not mean better than my last website, or a different tone, or easier to manage than the last, everything said well requires a constant review for anything off putting, and that means the difference between acceptance and being ignored from controversy at the moment. I did not intend to temporarily have my website taken down to communicate any interests or names for that matter in recognition of my own importance in life which is not to the level of a political figure who is paid to represent the State of California.

So that being said, its not that the content has become unmanageable, but having experienced plus the onset of more ever present voices, can become the cause for a change in momentum, from everything sounding clear, to everything being short sounding or difficult to comprehend the direction of a statement to mean, or bring meaning to in the negative or for purposes of attachment to an issue be proven to mean that something wrong for me will result in something wrong for others. I think Im pretty clear when I share exactly what it is that Im going through, Im never one to pretend that Im more well off, or doing better than I am thats something that you cant act your way through life, you have to be fit for most roles in life, including being a writer.

Its by your tone and your attitude is what prevents you from going places in life, so accept those losses there will be other jobs, and other opportunities for dating, respect the hurt, acknowledge the upset and do your best to continue on in life, not make that apart of your identity for criticism of you not knowing when you have it good in life, or throwing away your life youve worked so hard for to live.

Losing motivation in life, is common, it just means that you dont know what youre doing or why youre doing what your doing in life, and usually it feels like a stopping of everything which is a very uncomfortable position to be in life, to have it all, and set before you a whole new host of issues and hurdles to overcome.

Be aware that there are other more important crises to tend to other than your own setbacks, so unless you view yourself to have been affected in the past, do inform and continue to inform others of what it is you are feeling, what is going right, and not allow any pressures bestowed to you in life to affect anyone else outlook in life, be made to feel similarly burdened with the misunderstandings associated with who you are or why you are where you are, or be misunderstood to not have the right ideas in mind, be subject for experimentation.

Always do your best if you have mental health issues to be cautious, that everything you think is not what everyone else thinks and just like you dont want to be handed any dilemmas in life, made to represent the wrong or different interests in life, if it has happened once, dont notify everyone of what a conflict of interests is, and remember where you come from, for every person that comes into your life, for anything to go wrong, becomes the political fruit for situating you worse of in life, why not to talk about others, respect more than you question or ever feel a need to defend yourself, or be in need of any favors in life, what you cant accomplish on your own, staying well, is no excuse to expect to have it any better with anyone else in life, and thats rejection.

Instead of responding to rejection in defiance, stay calm, if things cant get better for you, dont allow for things to get worse for you, and all that enthusiasm you had in life, its still there but not if you complain or make a big deal over any upset or loss in life, if you cant be hospitalized for it, its their problem with you, not your problem with them, so just walk away, dont talk about it, and do your best not be a contributor to any social ills in life, even having to do with you, if you cannot restore your faith, and if faith is an issue for allowing others to be more resistant to disappointment, then dont be the condition or the person to be disappointed about.

Do your best to not enable anyone to think poorly of themselves or others, including yourself, everything is fixable, even your own health, I have never not believed in the power of healing, we all deserve an opportunity to fix ourselves and to move on in life. So long as you are held to a substandard recognition of care, its up to you to improve in order for the feelings of others toward you and about you to improve too, not all will be made happy for you in life, so that much about life you just have to respect, choose people to love, and stay that way, you are not required to tend to treat fix or bring out the best in anyone, who is not also made to feel proud of you, my story is important but not important enough to cast characters onto the stage like a play and take my place in life, as contender for the truth, of my life story, my choices, my writings, and my ability to report, and if its not in enough time, that means that whatever was bothering me did not rise to the standard of an emergency, concerning feeling hurt in life it happens, just ignore it, why it is recommended to block those who express aggression toward you or grievances for that matter, thats also not their right to play God and end your life for you, that sense of peace that they are left with, is what was achieved upon knowing you, and that unstable sick state that you are left with, is you being reminded of yourself when you were well, and now stuck in a new condition trying to get well again, so that can occur anywhere in life, not something that anyone should later become concerned with.

So this is when everyone stops feeling apart of, that awkward space, is me in pain. That subtle referencing, is me not favoring any Freudian interpretations of secrets, lies, intimacies, and conditions personal, or attraction for that matter, if its not a deep dark seeded light, then that must mean it doesnt exist, if there is a later pain derived from the prying of every moment in my life shared, not intended to make my life less than the meaningful life it was, and here are the discomforting feelings, it will be you talking about yourself, like you are going through something you are not based on how everything looks, then a comment from an onlooker judging you to be bratty, spoiled, or rebellious, then a sickness that follows when thats not what the problem is, and if its a problem with a person who is hurting you, that means to move forward, not allow what someone has to say to affect you so that you give up in life, or say anything that would cause anyone else to give up on you, and thats how painful life gets, when you dont appreciate and value when you are well and be more selective.

If you can manage that much, don’t quit trying to be funny, even if its just upon reflecting on your own life, and don’t expect any less from anyone else, who tries to feed you a cent or two on life. For some reason Im the kind of person where it will be some choice, or something which is now considered to be a business “strategy” which is not for communicating about, which is something I have to be more careful about, that its not in the quality of the content I am judged but by the representation of all interests that determine the full worth of what I have to say. And that starts by what I am doing with my life. I don’t think being a full time writer blogger is easy work, it requires a lot of rest, reading, keeping up with nuances, and being a positive person, it can be a painful process of going backwards if you are ever made to explain yourself, or to speak in the positive about an experience just to provide reassurances to anyone, that you have not moved on, are not doing well, and not going to make it. I don’t think dating is for expanding upon career options in life, we cant all be like JLo, loved no matter who they are with, understood no matter what trauma is faced, and someone with the willpower to not then destroy their own life, simply on the basis of what others think, spotlight or not, there is a such thing as being tough, and I think she represents that.

For some reason when I am pushed to my limits, it becomes a situation where everything I liked about myself, becomes something that another learns to not like me for. It will be by words, someone thinks something, and even by the way you look that anyone is made to not be on board with you, not support you, or choose not to admire you on the basis of what you sound like, or feel like as a person overall, where youre headed in life.

There is no such thing as fairweather these days, Ive come to accept that people need love, and if you cant provide that move on, so that someone else who fits the bill can be the one to take care of their health, having a boyfriend is a huge responsibility, its not something that you can just date around and expect for better, its often times not until you are better that you find anyone who you can be equally proud of to share the spotlight with, not everyone has the mental stamina, to negotiate emotions or thoughts with regards to accommodating you and your mental health issues, and that’s something that you later come to accept about life, knowing people on a limited basis, or even accepting love from another on a limited basis too. It will be by your health ultimately that you will be favored, after any breakup in life, learn to sit through those moments of shame, or mistake, its not your fault, but it is also not their fault if you are overly sensitive to things, and lose your stride. Same for blogging, it can be going well full of important information, or it can be all about me, which may feel like youre my psychotherapist sitting in a chair, deciding what meds to prescribe me difficult, I just got sent to IOP since I cannot identify what is wrong with me, and neither can she based on what I am telling her, so that’s having mental health issues, half of it will be about how you interact with others, and the other half of it will be by how you process events, what you consider to be normal, or what you consider to be the issue that you are presented with, or something about you that another has a problem with.

I don’t think I naturally attract attentions from women, the majority of my audience is men, and there is probably a reason for that, because of my diagnosis, or what I look like, weight, class, job situation, or schooling, is not quite fit to represent or provide advocacy at the moment, not if I am being treated by forced classification, among women who are deemed deserving of negative attentions: sexual. I have never viewed myself in that way, I don’t think given my track record dating, that any woman would be made to feel jealous by me, or not of value, or for any man to see me as better than any other women, and to me that’s a positive trait, that I don’t present myself as competition for affections, or comradere, that’s something they will always have with others, not something I have ever generally participated in that eye to eye, is not something that I get often. So be mindful. 

Reference:

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-destructive-anger/201704/overcoming-the-paralysis-toxic-shame

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