addiction, blogging, dating, life

The Discrimination Begins …

closeup photo of slice of orange

I think if youre going to support an important organization, if you are doing well as a blogger, and have received favorable feedback, then that’s an option, however things only begin to matter, when how you are reflects poorly on who is supported, and that’s where the line is drawn between representing yourself well, others well, or organizations well. I don’t think if I didn’t care and understood the significance of not allowing anyone to be affected creatively, I wouldn’t have also incorporated any hashtags I made for my blog, and pen name, that’s how much it mattered to me, to not have any person, group, or individual be held liable for any ideas, coming from their ability to help others or wanting to help others. Like all things that don’t go well its hard to support any person, group, or organization, and I can imagine much like myself that that’s a very painful truth about life, that one can only be human, and not all humans are strong enough to handle the social significance of looking to be someone who is either helping in the positive or not found to have been helpful at all, and this is where your health matters. It seems the worse you feel to others, the more susceptible you become for being hurt, that means not sided with, or sensed for there to be something wrong, visible to another, which you can be discriminated for. Being someone with mental health issues I can understand others not being happy with you, not feeling good by you, and feeling better by others and around people who they feel more familiar with. Life shouldn’t be a guessing game about what anyone is thinking. This is how writing helps. It doesn’t leave anything out in the open, to be thought to make anyone feel like they need to do extra work just to figure you out or where anyone else is coming from. Ive now been screamed at by 5 or less people, shouted at, a few company names have bothered me, and I threw up on myself in my car the other day, it was more than a cough, I was running out of money and bought a cheap pack of cigar cigarettes, and didn’t respond well, maybe did not smoke them right, I promise it’s the car pretending to be a Ferrari, not my choice. I think after getting in trouble, my mom lost faith in me for a period in time, which is understandable, she gave me a house and a bmw, and all that happened, was attending one mixer, my first business meeting, misunderstood it to mean something else, shared ideas, and for some reason got voices, so that’s thinking something is happening that is not, whether that be love or friendship, or learning tech 5 spiral notebooks later, that’s actually how many times I had to change my passwords, that was the only recommendation I was given at the time by the FBI, theres always transparency, that doesn’t mean the Government has the time and the resources to read everything, check everything, get you tested, supervise you dated, and no Apple is not that sophisticated to track and monitor all your writings either or runs, that’s something you have to do for yourself. My iPhone shut down the other day, my data rates cost $400, and my phone kept doing weird things, probably phishing, nothing Im ever scared of, everything in my phone is online anyways, Ive been that way for awhile, very open, and not in a criminal way, I would never displace any guilt I have ever had in life on my audience, Im not that way, “noted for my honesty,” so no matter how closely you look into my life, or my education, again I did not choose my room assignment, and no that’s not punishment, I got in trouble, just like people buy small homes and maintain nice automobiles in California, we have always been this way. I speak well, I thought that I think well, I think bipolar causes me to give up with “the people,” I don’t think you guys deserve that much heat, I wish that less negatives got picked up from looking at me, Ive tried to fix my face (in Santa Monica, on Ocean Ave, running at night = oxygen, helps). So what is this about, if they lock you out of In-and-Out, on your second date with a soldier as a Phillippine Airlines flies overhead with the name on the belly of the plane, that’s not you that’s coordinated, but it gives you hope that people higher up are more coordinated than you think, I once recommended putting a hoe beacon on me, that must be my iPhone, I don’t get in that much trouble, just in my mind mostly, so the more you worry, that probably means to talk more, write more, participate more, open up more, work more, apply yourself more, and let go of more in life, you’d be surprised how many people are new, and I don’t think that the term “grassroots” has ever failed more dramatically, than trying to put anyone in charge, I basically ran everyday since 2014, because I was a size 4, and was only a size 2 for a couple years, to me that was amazing, but I suppose I should have set more healthy goals for myself in life such as eating food, learning how to diet, drink water, date on apps, text more, and not let myself go online. Im sorry that I suddenly became conservative, Im sorry that #scotus had to work so hard to just be happy for everyone and not scare anyone and let us all be as smart as possible, and Im sorry if I failed in that department, to let people be fun, call eachother out, hold grudges, and should have watched more late night tv, practiced loosening up, going with the flow, and not subject myself to hate, bullying, or any other manifestation of “mens health,” that involves: sex, stds, and blow jobs, not my forte, I recently had to explain to my date, that I quit giving head, he said we could take it slow, just not by LAX, and didn’t want him to spend money on a hotel room. You learn as you go, and they also learn things from you by reading your blog, try to keep it smart, Im sorry everyone, for all of you who felt like the aftershock of this year was a Madoff Ponzi scheme, that’s totally not what prevention is about, its about not being misled by the incidences themselves to be used as philosophy for adapting to everything else in life, keep no evils in mind. Thank you for letting me share, never in a half-hearted way, but hopefully in a way that doesn’t allow for any pains to sit for too long, or for too much stupid to resonate or aggravate anyone. We have got this one patch of land, and we cannot mess up, and there is always time to apologize, not make waves were none are due, so never feel pressured to like anything that youre not okay with, even if its me that you are upset with, for being too forgiving, and maybe not tough enough when it comes to the health of others, which is worth bowing down, over, and bolting away from, that’s conserving, your best resource: energy, which is better put to use, supporting the good health of others, than be wasted fighting, that’s what Attorney’s are for. 

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