abuse, blogging

Why Respect Matters …

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You can only go up once, and if you don’t make it you don’t make it in two weeks, in a month, or in a year, and its not that you have given up, its that others have given up on you, and that’s the cost of being intimate with someone online, that is how you lose your future, and your ability to be well liked by others, it then goes to prove everything that they think, say, or do, is supported, and at your expense not supported, and that’s you being made to look like what you are doing with your life, is intruding upon the life of someone who is not living their life online. I think with 17 million fans, it is extremely abusive to be treated as bait for humor, or some scheme to make money, or for money to be made off of me, or to assume that I am online to make money, or have a money making agenda, be treated as though Im not doing what I can to PREVENT violence, and crime in the community and online, and that starts with respect. How you feel and how you make others feel, and if you cant get that much down, then you don’t make much of a superhero afterall. Its common for people to attack what is going well in life, or attack someone who they think is responsible for things either going well or not going well for others, it makes no sense to me, why I am doing well online, and why I was treated as though the basis for anything was because of me, or based upon the expressions of others, decisions were made to include me or to elicit attentions to me, based upon any similarity that could be seen, Im not a political wedge, for anyone to counter or disfavor me in life, for the sake of rehabilitating their own character, assume that me failing in life, or not doing well is because of something Ive done wrong, its not until something wrong occurs that you get situated to be blamed or for a negative light to be cast over you in life, and that’s not God who is punishing you, that’s someone who is watching you, pretending to be God, to see what energy and thoughts come to mind, upon being watched by someone who sees you as guilty, or a poor influence onto others in life. First of all I was never gay, I have dated 22 + men, so I don’t know what youre talking about making fun of asexuality, as some kind of Gay scheme or plan to be Gay in the future and have control over my body or anyones body, that’s a ridiculous form of chastisement and punishment to hurt someone on the basis of their sexual orientation if known or not known, preyed upon a condition, of not being able to date until well, and then upon being well force anyone to appear as though they were not similarly hurt by the fact that women were complaining about men, then treat me as though Im not to complain, or am negotiating with or talking to anyone with plans to complain, you know if someone cant help me, then don’t hurt me to make me look like Im trying to be anyone else, I was finishing Law School for the past 4 years, and it was a matter of me being well in order to finish and write my Dissertation, and overcome all mental health issues associated with getting voices, self-harming, talking to myself, or going through face changes, or even changes in care, finding a new psychiatrist. So it doesn’t help for anyone to force me out of any closets in life, like I was ever gay toward anyone in my entire life, you know what it is its people thinking your gay and you want it is what is done to you to make fun of you and your sexuality, then make you photo, to then treat you as being someone who is being provocative to make it seem like anyone wants to be gay with me if they see my body, or am someone who wants anyone to be gay for the first time with me, or to make me look like someone who was gay, or didn’t know they were gay, or were convinced to be gay, to make me seem like I should’ve known that I was gay, or what the reasons were for not feeling wanted, or relationships not working out on the basis of what I looked liked, or what bothered me, whether had I been gay at the time, or with awareness of what gay is about, understand the basis, for discrimination, being that Im not feminine around others, Im not flirtatious, and Im not competitive with women. So to make me appear to be someone, who is not loving, or cannot help someone who is struggling, maybe its not sex that he needs, maybe its that he needs to know whats going wrong so that no one else is affected on the basis of what occurred to me in private, to shame me in public and treat me as though I got anything that was coming to me, or that anything Im writing is about anyone but myself, so that was me happy and proud and then my life ruined, and that was for the purposes of not allowing me to have a new life, to graduate, get a job, and get married. And that’s no ones job to play God and punish me, I can call the courts myself and if they have a problem with me, they can call me in to talk to me, that’s how the justice system works, its not the job of the public to punish anyone who does not feel good, not based upon what they “have done to themselves” which is to prove a statement past as the typical blame for a woman who experiences mental illness, then capitalize on the fact that Im not having sex with anyone and make me look like a masturbation suicide case, you know if that’s not what happened then that’s not what happened and if that’s what youre trying to prove by hurting me, then you don’t respect my wellness, my education, my improvements, and my well being, means youre not on my side, so don’t hurt me, like Im to blame for any decisions that the President made, you know if he sees code and he thinks that certain things need to be said, then why cause anyone who I supported to look bad or feel bad, you know who I need to advise is The White House, so you can trigger me all you want, you can wrap me up in whatever trauma you think I deserve, and you can hurt me all you want, but don’t take me down and then accuse me of bringing my own circle down, that’s now who I am, that’s not why I graduated and its typical for anyone who thinks that its their fault for hurting me, to then watch and think that everything is about them, you know its not all about you, and that’s why they say that to people who they think are guilty, to establish a paranoia over something that someone has done, to then cause them sickness, in other people knowing them in a negative way, and that’s not why I started blogging online, for everyone to be proud of me, then for anyone to not feel good by me, and you don’t have to put trashy photos of me online, to prove to anyone that Im not of value, or don’t deserve a job, if I cant handle heartbreak, then so cant anyone else who is relying on people to be doing well in life, in order to feel good, so go ahead and make all your Jesus arguments or racist arguments regarding believing or not believing in people, and call yourselves a Messiah, don’t accuse me of being sexual toward anyone who does not want to be sexual toward me, and don’t accuse the LA Times for posting a caption intended to be about me working for the Government or a sexual interaction, past, mentioned by iPhone or Computer, I got sick on my own, by myself, not by anyone, not by a man I was dating, and who is anyone to judge who touches me or from what Country they are from, don’t accuse me of not being supportive of women or having issues with women, if I had issues with women then why would I be a rape crisis hotline counselor, if I was some mentally ill slut, I would not have been on Deans List, so who are you to judge me as being used up, you don’t know my face, you don’t know my body, you don’t know my diagnosis, you don’t know what I know, you don’t know whats of value to me, and you don’t know me long enough to go through any of my things and blame me and call me out as being mentally ill, you guys had 8 YEARS to defend our Country and make money and prevent violence, 8 YEARS to be happy and successful start families stress free without blame, and 8 YEARS to go through my computer and decide whatever you wanted, and because after 8 YEARS things were not working out for me, I started blogging, and that’s not because anyone was not doing a good job for 8 YEARS, or winning awards on behalf of themselves, don’t treat me like I didn’t work 9-9pm and work my heart out, don’t destroy my website to start a rumor like its my brain or body that others are connected to, and make me feel sorry for anyone who is not in my shoes, if you cant stop gun violence, then don’t use me to prove that anything can happen through me, and treat me like I do anything or edit or remove or have issues with banners and communications about, you know if you cant help my life, then don’t prosecute me so that you have a story that you can use over and over again, and try to prove over and over again, to free anyone from blame, that’s not the solution, to not allow me to be happy for anyone, or to hurt me to prove that if Im hurt or look stupid, wrongfully accuse me of misrepresenting anyone, then hire someone else, then work for someone else, the date someone else, it makes no sense to me for anyone to want me in their lives, then they get a feeling, then are like nah I don’t think I can help you Im better than you, you know its your displaced unhappiness on me, that’s the problem, with making me seem like Im not happy, nothing in my control has ever resulted in anything bad happening not over an 8 year period, but it will be what people think and it will be based on who is okay with you, that others upon viewing you move on in life, are made to think that those are excuses where you go from there, and that’s not what life is about, what makes you happy what gets you going and what makes you feel better and strong, and this isn’t the solution to anything getting better. Ask Pulitzer? Why was Leslie attacked by a pen pal and publicly humiliated online, don’t make fun of me this isn’t the Cuban Missel Crisis.

“I have responded in the following way past: Fire > Book > Fire > Book > COVID > 2 Websites and Graduated from Law School. Just stay well, life is worth living, its better to just do well be positive, then make anything about anything, thats not the solution.” #begood (04-25-21)

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