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What Im Not Doing …

modern bathroom interior with counter near mirror and shelves

By the time I hit my 30s I gradually became more and more aware, of the importance of time, and to make sure to do my best, that doesn’t come easy to most, to get a look down, to repair any moments lost, and to also speak to every moment when they have ever been made to be unsure of themselves, Im sure in getting to know me, many have gotten to better know themselves, but its not without its pitfalls. Life is not a game, and its not easy to assemble your life, or to build a life for yourself, that’s not defeat, a loss of motivations, that’s not having arrived yet, to your full potential, so all that excitement, is exactly what drags you down in life, your time is short, so long as you remain not well, it feels like that, painful to connect, and by the time you get well, painful to have not been well. There is not written psychology on the disorder that I have endured, whether by wanted modifications or unwanted modifications upon being observed, and no im not talking about psychology today, Im talking about what others witness in observance of you, learned, while you go through life, nothing explained to you, in detail, the causes for any dysmorphia, I think Ive only had an eating disorder twice in life, in middle school playing soccer to lose a few pounds, threw up, and in my late 20s as a runner, trying to get into the best shape of my life. The part that is misunderstood about you, is upon what connections in life are causing you to look and appear different, or not well, and if you have ever suffered from any addiction, that will be the source of blame for your not well looking moments, its doesn’t matter what meds youre on, if you body is not cooperating with you, also don’t expect anyone to be enthused by you, about something you have yet to figure out. What am I not doing right now? Not sending sexy pictures, not posing in a bathing suit, not making any videos, not sharing on Facebook, learning to style my hair and color it, not flirting, not in a romantic relationship, going to therapy, not on messenger for any emergency reasons, not talking to The White House, not talking to old friends, not talking to any man that I am interested in, and not sharing on Weebly. I was given likes for less than a couple months, and that’s okay, once to conversation gets serious, it loses its value, in being mindful of the ability to recognize without stating, what anyone is going through in regards, so if the conversation starter was not helpful, Im sorry to address any situation that it is assumed that someone well, or able to speak, should be held responsible for, I think calling the DA was important afterward, I think calling the DAs in a down position was important, and I think not talking to any celebrities has been important to, to everyones health. The point at which you cant talk to people in a positive way, means that youre under pressure, and when you are under pressure if you talk to anyone about the pressure you are under, they think you’ve done something wrong, or are keeping a secret or by something you have done past, are being viewed as someone who is offensive sexually, or mentally, romantically, educationally, psyhiatricly, or professionally. I think I always do my best, it’s the stopping point of others, is when my energy is not valued, and instead a different example of me is being made based on whether I recognize the value in the movie: Black Swan or Shawshank Redemption, and if I take anything personally, I think Im not the source of bad luck or motivation for molestation of anyone, so to pretend to feel youthful or treat me as though its not coming from me, or being made up about my life, or not something Im going through, these all sound like excuses, therefore there should not be a worse condition, if shown to porve anything, I think youre either well and don’t complain, or if you complain then you get prosecuted like you have a dark or guilty side, or hurt self for attentions, I don’t look for attentions, I don’t need attentions, and if Im given attention, its because Im not harming anyone who is already going through something, who is probably just happy to see that someone is doing well in life, no matter what team shes on in life. So if you have ever felt like you’ve been molested by my instincts, then Im not your advisor or interpreter in life, and you would probably need to hear from someone judgmental who does not like me, so then not take anything that I have to say seriously, or lose faith should anything bad happen to me in life. As an adult you are blamed for everything bad that happens to you and for everything that gets expressed through you, its upon focus on something well, that your head clears, so the purpose for making your mind messy or face messy, is to say that you get your clarity form someone else, and treat you as though your clarity is not coming from within, but with a person in mind in your body talking to you, to treat you as two people, then if you self harm, claim that they cared and treat you as an offender who hurt someone they cared about, that’s how psychosis is caused to someone, who they don’t like and need proof of a psychotic reaction to justify what they don’t like about you, so never demonstrate a side to illustrate how another feels, like you have what it takes to fly on any star, I think if I lose my heart and get scared, that can cause me to go downhill, as a person in recovery, this is my best and proud, and I don’t think its necessary for anyone to empathize with the fact that I cannot be in a loving relationship is I don’t feel well being myself, then I cannot be with anyone, that’s how you get pushed to see what you become over your edge, then they align whats not right, then accuse you of being inside anyone who was made to not like you, like your mental health is a deal accepted in someone who wants out, I think when its too late, the lost sense of faith, cannot be healed by someone if everyone decides to hate one person, who is not taking any cues from any memorials or buildings. There are no rules to being good, just don’t offend anyone, and look out for everyone, and get if people are connected to your body, and give it time to process, without hurting yourself, or making anyone look bad. Therefore treating me as overbearing, while experimenting with the demand felt, by anyone who tries to convince you that their need fulfilled will result in a better outcome for you moving forward I think all physical and romantic attachments are personal and physical, so if it’s the test to see if you turn on your family, and a collection of offenders studied to see whether any similar portrayals occur through me, that’s treating me as stupid, hopefully you don’t recognize it too late, when there is something about you different, and if there is something about you different, that you don’t recognize, think about your exposures, then think about the mental health of others, then think about racism, then think about where you are in life, then differentiate between what is said about you in private and what is said through you in public, and what shows up on your face, and whether you stand out or they don’t stand out, and what the purposes for massing your face up is for, or to treat you as though your mind is not clear or abstract, and whos identity is being defended in harming you. I don’t think I have ever been in a relationship in which the other has become messy looking, there is some things you don’t find out until later in life, I think Ive never had an experience in which you are told one thing, then does another, then you say one thing, then they represent themselves and you look bad, so Im not sure why anyone would be catty with me, especially a man, I don’t out people, I get that everyone has a different sense of humor and there either is chemistry or not on the basis of what you think and what everyone thinks of you. 

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