#laxcourthouse (Day 11)

By the time it feels like too much that is too late, and that’s to convince you that you don’t feel well, or deserve to not feel well, and that’s to hear what you say when you feel sick, and whether you say anything that purposefully hurtful or egotistical, whether its about pride or confidence, and to then situate you to not feel good about yourself, and that’s so who liked you then who insults you is remembered, to cause you pain to treat you as “brat” or “not appreciative” “well off” or not “in reality,” about things, such as livelihood “ability to make money,” treat you as disabled so that “you cant get a job,” or so that you “don’t feel good, “ so that others are made to not feel good by you, then you are expected to have solution, some wisdom, or be treated as though you are not wise, or vindictive, or insensitive, and that’s because I was not respected, I was not treated appropriately, so the more about you it becomes in “sickness” the more it becomes about others “wellness,” then a combination of the two by comparison, is what causes sickness to who is doing well, to not be made to feel guilty by who is doing well, and maybe that’s how an ex is made to feel like God, upon seeing you, you lose face, and that’s to inform you, who sees them as you were seen before you met them, that’s who takes the place of your well outlook, someone who is not bothered by others, and just because you have been through a lot, does not mean that you cannot get hurt or be treated like you have not been through a lot, and the test to see whether you are good, is by what people think upon seeing you, when you are in physical and mental pain, and who feels insulted by your instability, throat burn, head burn, and physical illness. There may be one opportunity for making someone feel special, and that’s what you work hard for, to be a caretaker in life and to make others feel good, then there is reputation, whats forgiveable and whats not, and who looks bad, and who represents who, usually peoples stopping points are designated by how they are treated, don’t be mislead to be put under unwanted pressures in life such as intimidation by anyone who is awake to issues that you are not readily faced with, and its until you feel like someone who feels scared, that you get physical pain and mental illness, and that’s to treat you like you don’t recognize when you have it good in life, and that’s when people don’t have a stopping point with you, when they continue to harm you to treat you like you do criminal defense, and continue to hurt you to see what you are like mentally ill or physical ill, or suicidal, and that’s to scare you or treat you like its an arbitrary decision your own wellness, or meds that you take, that’s being pushed to your limits in life, in representation of those who are well, pushed over the edge, made to not be able to remember, prosecuted or treated like you are not at ease, and that’s to see whether everything around you becomes dull or lifeless including your eyes body and face, that’s someone trying to get inside your head and your body to see what you look like connected to them, and what they say to you, is to see whether you are stupid on the inside, mean on the inside, or nice on the inside. And that’s how a womans worth is determined, by how much pain they can tolerate, by who is made to feel good by them, not by who looks like them, who did them, or who tried to be loving toward them, if its about money, I don’t have money, so don’t treat me like I make money or am powerful, or an influencer, its sometimes until someone who is well is sick or dying that you realize or wake up to something in you, that makes you realize that you are strong or don’t need me, and that’s okay to not need people, but what isn’t needed is to cause me mental illness, to recognize anyones smarts, or treat me as mentally ill to designate anything coming from me, that doesn’t make sense in the head, or causes anyone to feel or believe that theyre not smart.