It takes some time, and if you learn the hard way so be it, that you will be treated by how you treat others, and similarly others will come to see you based on how you make them feel. Know that you are you, so regardless of what someone else has experienced in life, at best they can only go by what you tell them, so try to speak positively of yourself and others. On fastcompany.com, they discuss, “If you think to talk, you usually keep your thoughts under wraps until you have something specific to say, until you understand how to proceed, or possibly until the learning part of what you’re doing ends.” [1] So if you are someone who is relying on others for cues or acceptances, it can be a grueling task to speak until you feel like everything is okay, sometimes less is more. So pause, think will this help or hurt the way someone sees, will this benefit them to hear this, and that’s practicing good conversational skills. I recently clammered to DA Spitzer about dialect, what we understand in reading others, and what is visible to the reader upon viewing someone. We all have different lives, and sometimes the less you share the less you are responsible for explaining in life, that’s the benefit of not speaking, that sense of privacy in not being exposed and the sense of safety you experience in speaking in private with people. I think I took that for granted, being able to speak freely online, and not have anything going on in private that I would be uncomfortable with being exposed, I was mostly proud of all my experiences in life and all the pictures I have taken, but I am slowly learning that life is not perfect, and sometimes your life will appear to be worse than it is, or even your condition for that matter. According to one article, “People who fall short in life, they do so by their own volition.” [2] To me that is something I can relate to wanting people to see me one way, then seeing me in another way, and I think that we are all capable of being viewed in the negative, at best you are yourself, you cant be someone that you are not its simply not possible. So what to do in the event that someone is making you out to be a scarier version of yourself, if you don’t have a dark side, we all do, its probably called drinking and hooking up and talking trash, if you don’t have that side of you present to others, then that’s probably not a side of you that allows others to think highly of you, so what can you do in order for others to feel safer by you. This is when being predictable works in your favor, although it may be great to surprise and wow people with talent whats more important is that you don’t allow the unimpressive aspects of your life to take hold of what people think of you, such as body image, or what you say when upset. Be a strong person. Whether anyone agrees with your standing or not. Not everyone will understand when youre doing well, people who think things are about them, will impress upon you a different understanding of you, to cause others to not think well of you, and that’s called campaigning against someone, because you do not see them as supported or a noteworthy influence to others. Its not easy to get up and speak in front of others, so think about everything that everyone is going through, and know your part, and think what it is that you can do to live a better life, so that you don’t lose faith in yourself and so that others don’t turn on you and lose faith in you. There are no such thing as losers or winners in life, just people who are who they say they are, or people who hurt our heads, who don’t make sense, don’t look it, and hurt us so. 

Reference:

[1] https://www.fastcompany.com/919234/do-you-talk-think-or-think-talk

[2] https://artplusmarketing.com/why-you-think-you-are-better-or-worse-than-you-really-are-83743a660315