It may be too late to create a winning team, but in your own defeat, creates an unwanted feeling of not being apart of, and that’s the fuel for animosity, whether that is something studied about you, or waiting to be repressed, suppressed, let go of, or brought out of in you, it will be another trying to diagnosis, and that’s the benefit of getting to watch life happen, and happen for another, you don’t have to stand on any podiums in life, or be faced with having to speak to or explain to anyone important, what is ongoing, and THE PAST IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR THE FUTURE, and this you learn as time goes on, while that may be the guts and strength to anothers argument toward you, that’s never for you to decipher where someone else is coming from, with regards to your status or stature. When I got pulled over 2013, we talked, I disclosed that Im on medication with mental health issues, and the option to go to the hospital was given to me, and instead of 14 days chose to do 1 night in jail, and that has in turn resulted in a worse result for me politically, where I get used based on what my story looks like, made to look like someone who is incoherent, or who bottles up, or holds things within that needs to be brought out of, when you are crying and no one helps you that’s because no one feels sorry for you, and when you don’t feel well and you are not able to be social, that means that you are not strong enough to battle to elements of socialization and what that appears to be or to look like and that’s not social climbing in AA Pulitzer, and I don’t care what you license plate says, or whos story you think you represent, if you don’t represent my story, or think that my story is some imitation of a struggle in life then you don’t respect where I come from, and if you don’t respect where I come from, then that is why I sat at #laxcourthouse for 18 days, because it seems that there is a tone sought, or unhappiness, to then make a “girl fight” over moral principles, and that’s what brings out the femininity in others, or makes people appear or look worse than others, which is why Im losing 50lbs again, because it is not clear who I am strong for. So that’s between me my ex-Boss and Pulitzer, that’s not some fragment of a story that you can meditate on and pick apart and study and examine, like that’s fuel or recipe for a fight future, to create some odd against me in life, with a past that is not at odds toward me, and that’s hurting my past, so that I am made not to belong among those who accept me, and that’s to create what future for me, to create what odds against me. I need to take care of myself, maybe you don’t recognize me as a caretaker, but if people are dying maybe that’s why:
- Im writing everyday, and getting through each day.
- I am being positive and working hard, and finishing my dissertation.
- And maybe that’s why I went back to Law School and graduated.
Maybe those accomplishments don’t mean much to you, maybe you have never worked hard and been made fun of, so that’s not it, maybe you have never experienced voices, so you would not understand why I am addressing the musician “Pink,” maybe singing you thought was to be famous, maybe to me that was a way of saving the life of anyone in music who has ever died from drugs, and respecting their trade and mode of creation, which is by feeling, and when feelings go sick, that affects all production, that affects demeanor, that affects shine, that affects health, that affects mental health, and there doesn’t need to be one person, who enables others to shine, there just doesn’t need to be one person who isn’t worth it, who or makes others feel sick to see. So given COVID, I am not your MLK, I am not your MLK Memorial explanation. I cannot explain mass shootings, I cannot explain a building collapse, I cannot explain Tour de France, and I cannot explain why President Joe Biden is upset, what I can explain is myself, and that will not appear to carry the cross-talking methodology that you think is appropriate to address “the shooters,” and I will do so now, what I would say to someone who is thinking about shooting someone, and you as my audience, can tell me whether that effective, and can be something that we all can work on, how to be more effective communicators, and how not to allow it to happen.
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