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30 Year Olds …

30 year olds … are basically the future leadership of tomorrow. I wouldn’t be joking if I didn’t mean it, seriously. Think about our future, and in the realm of human decency, think how will you feel about yourself, by the time your 30, or 40, or 50, and go from there, there is so much life to live, and in the time period that you are being hard on yourself, ask yourself, is it really worth it for me to beat myself up over it, will it pass, is there something that I can do to make things better, is there a better person to talk to, and breathe …. 9 times out of 10 when you feel like the world is coming to an end and everything is your fault, something can be said or something can be done, and usually in that space that you don’t fill, all the negatives happen at least for me. So in the spirit of voices, don’t get down on yourself, and not everything is your fault until you make it so, which includes, all the shouting, and all the blaming, and all the negativity, yes you, you are apart of that, so contribute sparingly on your off days, is what I would tell myself. Why are you being combative, why are you sad, why are you upset, why are you not feeling well, then I would proceed to tell myself, you can do this, don’t give up. Is basically what I am talking about in therapy at the moment, how to talk myself out of a rut. You would think that as a blogger it would be second nature for me to know what to say in the event, that all the pressure hits, and I don’t think there is a single microphone in all the land that doesn’t tell you that, I think talking behind a computer screen is a plus, I don’t think that that makes it any different, the blank space that occurs in the event that you don’t know what to say. I actually talked about today, how I wanted to write a book and pay an editor Keidi Keating, who Ive sent one payment to, to edit a draft of a second book, I cant believe Im not published yet, that would be a dream. So whats stopping me, I think I set goals sometimes in speaking that I have to keep up with like a “Motion for World Peace,” which Im sure Im in a much better place now that I don’t even sound that way anymore, but I definitely miss Shakespeare mode, I have no idea how that happened, the words just came to me. Ive taken one poetry class in college, Literature course, and that’s all. I think poetry is a very interesting subject and so is writing, I wish I took more writing classes. So to make things about psychiatry, well that’s really depressing and I don’t know why, I should be excited that Schizophrenic NYC follows me on Social Media or sends a like, that means that they are paying attention and I must stand out, which is probably a positive. I just think it’s a diagnosis, that hits your heart, in a painful way, like that’s who I am, I never thought of myself as disorganized, but I guess based upon my 100% Gap days, I do have a problem, if I have to buy the whole outfit and the shoes, that must mean that Im starting to be self conscious about the way I look, and wonder if anyone looking at me can tell that there is something wrong with me. So thankfully fashion is affordable now which is a plus, but it cannot hide my diagnosis unfortunately and that’s very disconcerting, but I will just have to live with the fact that if I cant manage my symptoms then that will be what is thought of me and there is nothing that I can do about that. So in trying to keep things positive was thinking about continuing my education, take a few FEMA courses, work on my social media skills, and not take anything too personally, I think we put a lot of ourselves online, and that can subject us to hearing conversations about us, which is not completely abnormal, it is something that you should think about if you are sharing online, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, just be yourself, and do your best at all times. -Back to what I was saying, being 30 presents its difficulties, you have to date, think about marriage goals once you start dating or forgo the opportunity all together, so don’t rush it, and you have to land your perfect gig and get a career going which doesn’t always happen for you if you don’t have your cards right in life, so keep trying, never give up, and you never know whats in store for you if you simply put your heart into it. So that’s what blogging has been about for me, its about putting my heart into something, that people like, and share a genuine interest in the subject of getting to know oneself, focusing on goals, and achieving goals in life, which I assume is what most people are doing with their lives, managing the day to day of feeling good, feeling worth it, and having things to do each day that make you feel good, and able. So enjoy your time here on earth, make the most of your life, and don’t let all the bits and pieces of whats bothering you in life eat you up, there is always so much more to live for in life. 

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