Recently going through a lot and have not been myself whether obvious or not, or for what reasons does not matter at this point, when all of the above can be assumed, its better to leave people with their own thoughts and opinions on the issues, without integrating your personal life dilemmas, and confrontations in life, what will be will be, whether or not its meant to be, for anyone currently struggling, not be viewed in tandem for comparison, that would be my most thoughtful consideration for those currently performing and weathering all storms in life, including mental health issues, which to me are not yet an epidemic, that we are all not consciously aware of and considerate of one another through the many phases of self development we may encounter, with respect to our ages in life, its best when wisdom works, even better when at Attorneys advice can help steer you back on course, and forever grateful that with the right psychiatric care and disclosures what is going wrong on my end can be amended and perfected moving forward even if the past has left a trail of uncertainty, that much I would never want to take away from whats working for everyone, maybe not be so public about needing help, all hope is not lost, until you allow for yourself to be viewed as in failure before it occurs, what defines whether help is necessary will be by the least amount of people affected by your demonstration, always do enough to inform, but best not to tell anyone how it is, who has it good in life, which would be what the courts are for, who can see everything from a birds eye view, to make decisions and witness what is going well, for a person its hard to sit back and commend others, send likes and interact, I think Ive passed that phase of being special in that way, I think with the territory comes the purpose of social skills etiquette, you are new once so that’s a blessing, and so long as you don’t cause problems for others, and continue to allow others to shine absent minded you, doesn’t mean that you don’t matter, it just means that for this moment in time, they matter more, if not to others, so should they matter to you enough to put aside what it is you are not sure of, and like the rest of everyone learn overtime, wouldn’t it be nice if we got those immediate assurances in life, like the good job stickers or excellent stars on our wall, that would be a childish comparison, to confidence derived in your adult years of life when you are reminded not to worry what others think, to focus on yourself, those are the best advices, not necessarily any advice that explains to you why you are being told something, that would be assuming that something is wrong with you or could go wrong in the event that you don’t heed advice, that that wouldn’t be supporting the better decision making abilities of all, with freedom to make choices in life, have experiences, and learn as they go, no accolade necessary for arriving to any good solution in life, what matters is that you care, and that much cannot always be defined in words, sometimes in words that causes more problems than does leaving things open for others to take leadership roles in not being confined to what anyone is told, which can be a belittling experience, and if you have disability, its something that your accustomed to, whether or not you recognize that you are being cared for, ready, or on point, eventually you will learn that no matter what education you have attained or experiences in life, there is no better advice that can be created or written other than by the ones who would never expect you to fail them, betray them, or not provide reassurances during a time of need, how so? It begins with not being problematic, handing problems on your own, not being in need financially, demonstrating that you are worth the investment, and even if it only has to do with monetary decisions, this will make sense to you later as your personalize what you have, your ability, and where youre headed in life, it may not all make sense, but in the event that you failure to take simple steps in your recovery to not talk about being helped like it’s a chore, or a bigger deal than anything you have been through is, that will manifest later in the form of the number of people around you available and willing to talk to you, maybe they know you, maybe they don’t, maybe youre new, maybe theyre tired, maybe they are assuming just like you that you are all in the same boat, and no matter what boat that is all disappointment will be based on your ability to be present, to be comforting, to listen, and to demonstrate that you are worth being around too, whether or not that benefit can be felt in the immediate, it seems the better we see the better we are, and where anyone is headed when any number of people are doing well, can be translated to a solution at a later point in time, right now what matters is the vulnerable space when people come forward, and say you know what shes trying we care, and there is something to this that I view as being beneficial so Im willing to let her speak whether its exactly the way I would see things in her shoes, and that’s a blessing, every like earned, thank you. -If it were an easy life we would have less to talk about. 

Here is an example of talking to myself through my problems on my iPhone, the anti-social, problematic, bible handed to me, worrisome phase of recovery, wandering off, its frowned upon, not the idle destination mentally for anyone trying to regroup and return back to normalcy, that’s one unnecessary depression to arrive to in life, thinking by your feelings everything okay then finding yourself alone, unbothered by anyone chiming through to you, hurtful or not, it will all matter later, even if its not about them now, and that’s wasted energy caring that could better be compartmentalized acknowledging first what you have, and thats if its not difficult until talked about, then talk about other things instead. -Not create drama.

iPhone Note (1-2)

New issue if everything said us memorized nothing said if read out if order or with a different thinking cap on can carry a meaning that threatens me upon re reading if that’s to prove or do away with what’s not known if clarified need not stir anyone positive or negative over an assumption clarified or not or later no big deal is not a dent in my energy bank no one deserves to be given a hard time in life if you cannot recognize a stopping point you also can’t expect that anything you have to say can fix how you have been affected without also being considerate or another’s feelings not be made out to be allowing for mistreatment by any guilts interpreted your stopping means enough more than any misstatement -if it seems like a simple solution would be honored or is not honored then it’s you that gets questioned how bothered and what’s not complex is of you identify how to be diplomatic then heed alternate advice to not respond that’s being drained and not empathized with. I guess the correct response would be to be cordial or rely on help that’s being diplomatic, the difference between things working out or not working out for you. Maybe not respond in the negative which is not the solution to online bullying. Thats a down that’s not explained well if you respond poorly, if you take things personally thats how stigma toward a treatment gets reinforced if you notified of it (nonchalant, if its a big deal, then dont be shy explaining why no matter how long it takes for you to explain that you have not yet been treated for the condition you were not certain was occurring regardless what the causes were, sure taking your computer in to be fixed seemed like the problem was addressed but then again that would be blaming a condition or establishing a system of denial that can eventually work against you if you cant beat the elements) dont assume that those elements are caused by anyone, its better to recognize what you have control over your health if so, a simple solution, a difficult solution for a poor demonstration of who you are in private cannot be taken back so leave things as they are its better to be accepted and viewed as a small version of anyone important, than to be viewed as important with not enough credentials to justify the amount of attention given, its by how important you treat others, by how others feel, that ultimately you will come to value yourself in life, and its not a feeling you arrive to being important, thats trust, which needs no recognition to do what is right, and if you are not able to stop anything bad from happening, then you are not the wisest of them all to demonstrate that you are a person to lean toward for opinion let alone let your own life be used for experiment, thats always your fault when you become an example of something else, no matter what it is, you sometimes cant change what you stand for in life, maybe thats the standard lesson in “something about you you cant change,” if thats the lesson that helps others to put aside their differences concerning where youre at in life, then let others abbreviate your situation to whatever phrase they fancy best, its not a big deal, until you start explaining yourself, like how others feel about you ever had anything to do with personal choices in life, no “proving them wrong,” exists when the only team imagined is a team you create in your mind, and thats the life of a typical “drug addict,” so the insult hurts, even if its pills, but sometimes what gets to you and hurts most is when an issue strikes you that resonates with you, why not to ignore the success of all those around you, everything in life is temporary, and you cant start over or from the beginning with people, we all have years to our lives that are not worth giving up, next to anyone who does not equally value how far one another has come in life, there will always be room for interpretation, we dont all get to that phase in life, how everything is connected, maybe once a portal to any big picture, and maybe its intended to stay that way, an option to think of everything as a whole. Thats not for the books to decide, or any agreement, or argument to protect, truth be told the greater the value for it the harder it will be to demonstrate by anything others than how you lead your own life, that you care that much, as applied your own thinking about life, without taking place of anothers significance in the lives of others and their opinions, which were probably less controlling, more open minded, more open hearted, and more resilient and not so sensitive from the start, thats leadership, remember that.

So that may explain the discomfort, if youre not on board, no one is on board with you, and thats life, sounds difficult, but its a fight you will never win, by how youre feeling, making decisions, thats not how you help others, by helping yourself, there is plenty to experience in life, so when you choices become limited, think who will this affect if I dont do my part get treated, and acknowledge what I have done to my life was wrong, or has in turn limited my options for matrimony or trust or employment, can you get far with nothing, probably not, and thats the catch, to the concept that life catches up to who has done who harm, hits them last, or dont let the door hit you on the way out, its meant to resonate with the seldom few who 90% that applies to and the 10% who stay free floating who everyone feels good by, turns out to be the one that others feel forgiveness through, feel intelligent by, and feel independent to, even if you still have a long way to go, being accepting of others has never hurt anyones ability to be viewed as a good person or be viewed differently by who they are surrounded by no matter what is disclosed to them, and that separates you as a professional from liable, its not how many secrets you keep, its at what point do you take things personally that makes you not professional, then you turn into an open jar, where nothing sits, and everything you go through personally becomes the inconsiderate piece to the puzzle that fits in a hurtful way, so if you have identified whats been hurtful to anyone who has once relied on you, dont be surprised if its also not anything that can be explained to you, what it is you have said that has been hurtful, or who by what has been read deemed an expression that has not included the troubles of others, without having endured troubles of your own mentally or popularity wise, its something you later recognize, well all doors open or sick all doors closed, I had this shock attack at my first job in film, the hallway of doors, its was the perfect introduction to the real world, has it good, has it bad, and learning to appreciate when you have it good, and not fail to impress when the time is right, be a burden. So I think a situation like talking about a private interaction gets viewed as hurtful, when fewer can empathize with what there is to be going wrong or complicated for you, by the standards of who is well around you, for you to be concerned about anything else, doesnt make sense why there is difficulty on your part, communicating with anyone you admire, believe in, or want to do well, strength may not come in numbers, or defenses, but you will know how much strength is needed in the event that someone who you do admire is let down, that positivity you cant replace, and you will never forgive yourself when you miss those opportunities in life. -So maybe that’s the treatment read into then it goes by another’s comfort or discomfort whether or not deserved is by who you are citing to or who is referenced then gets the upper hand of choice to label insult or you reading into it then it’s like that never happened if you can’t let it go then that’s on you under if they can’t let it go means you bother. -All representations of the times stand, whether you were apart of that or the cause of it dont later reflerence anything that you cant later defend as not the responsibility of who is strong, to lower their standards, chances are late to any punch, it will still be your fault, whoever was side-tracked by anyting having to do with you, so it thats the “sandwhich” scapegoat leaned toward, then acknowledge it, accept that, people may know you and not like you, and you may not be the solution to things coming together perfectly for anyone, who probably needs less sprinkles, why not mentioned, and one saved photo, and ran through a movie set, if there are many ways to be brave, learn you cant go back and undo the past, feel badly that you were not well and smart and put together, and be proud of anyone smart enough to tolerate all your ups and downs, which is not customary of any law student, probably just someone who didnt know when to hit the stage, which I am very thankful fashion excelled in recent years and my favorite store LF made it to Lisa Klein real estate wise, where I bought vintage levis jeans that fit perfectly, recognition for jean trend, theres more to it ….

Recent deductions will always be by statement I have a 50/50 chance of not bothering anyone, when enough is said, which makes writing a lot seem thoughtful then hearing that feel like taking my huisman trophy away from me in terms of etiquette, when you figure something out by trying something new, and it works, that credit goes to your audience not necessarily the creator of that content that is presently working for anyone, you cant assume label or number anyones personal interests in life such as liking you or disliking you, everyone has the freedom to not be exposed to any number of difficulties in which there have been tremendous losses, in life, which were never intended to bear the burden of taking responsibility for, this is why the default stigma of drug addiction and the stupidity that follows through drinking, is the easiest mechanism to separate the weak from the strong, who in the world would ever believe what they were told if it were not true and that starts with you, if you dont believe in yourself, then thats no ones job to lift your spirits or to tell you based upon a review of your whole life, people arent that bothered by you, at the end of the day “we all have our demons,” if you can limit the disappointment to only things about yourself you are upset with, then that makes you that much more eligible to be okay to be around, not bothersome, or influential in a negative way, if you cant be alone with your problems there should be no reason to be more okay in public discussing any problems, that only makes things worse, nothing to joke about, nothing to talk about, maybe thats step work, but in reality thats recipe for lost respect, the shorter you view life, the less important you become to others, who either have the time to work on career, and build relationships, or waste time helping anyone who is not even comfortable in their own skin, its a requirement for attraction that doesnt mean that its a characteristic you need for love or happiness. If youre dancing to “Lets Stay Together” at your own Bat-Mitzvah with your crush, its probably too late to experience love, if it doesnt happen with you honestly knew you, before all the street smarts moore smarts got to your head, its probably the same rubrics cube everyone picks up, and ignore, like cocaine used to be probably, was the most translatable aphorism of situations with uncontrollable analysis, its the type of thinking that if you feed into the frenzy you become apart of the problem, that feeling, solve gone, or leave it alone, there is not future smarter than the past, and no past less thoughtful than the present, simple: E. philosophy.

The first version is on Instagram not in the typical cut exactly by word and not on multiple inputs in one post, new feature, if its not perfect, probably is a message to self, put it together right, or run the risk of insulting the whole process of what forgiveness is for, an abuse occurs when an extended effort occurs, which either breaks your heart or theirs and takes you 2 hours to turn around and call 911 and have the Orange County Police find you in the parking lot to where you think is the concert park your new pen pal is present at, in an its the thought that counts gesture which ends the same as meeting Rand Paul, can barely stand, made it, but there to make sure that who is need of help is helped by who is not currently being examined in a thoughtless way, presented by a ratio of bad photos when the output good to bad was represented 10 to 2, thats a choice that is made, whether on behalf of my entire audience, Im not sure how immune anyone is to etiquette and tact, but if I didnt Giselle Bunchen it 50 times, maybe I F up, and Im really sorry that a film job story got blown out of proportion, thats an element of movie humor, that Im sure racks up the perfect “cancer” detective role. True.

Notice all the editing, now we are back to the original manuscript of saying something that Im not sure whether everything said is supposed to not be interpreted as making sense by what is said next, the next paragraph, I was not an English major, no one planted a water mark tear drop in your diary, chill. Sorry, we dont care, every personal statement essay was unprofessional, because you broke confidentiality, and your only hope for figuring out the past would be to trust “the people,” who you insulted via your interpretation of “the news” that had Geraldo Riviera shouting “Ghetto Civil War,” in AA they call it “impending doom,” I think AA has the carefully waterpainted monet of what hits who why and demonstrates the most accurate account of the varying stages of life and life ruined or forever held to a standard of repenting every day, until Yom Kippur, that keeps you gravitating toward what has gone wrong for you, maybe thats because for people like me when one is feeling good, they are more prone, to sounding like anything is easier said than done, and being a chatter box about life, is only as entertaining as whats allowed by others, who will mostly be in defense of selves expecting you to know why you dont quite blend in, not quite comfortable, had long stages of being medicated, and not being strong enough to say you know what, I threw a tantrum and lost my job and took a picture of my Studio Apt, and called the police when I lost my housekeeping job in Century City, and left a key to my apartment in my desk drawer and found a Police flashlight under the stepping stool and again in my desk drawer, and then the lock was jammed broken and I was the only one at the office waiting for a lock smith. When things are suddenly going wrong for you health wise, you will remember by you bought a fire safe and a locked filing cabinet to save all correspondence, you really should’ve grown up at a different household compound, from the looks of it, couldst provided more reassurances, through the study of what was known, rather than be viewed as someone curious or trying to figure out the past by making mistakes in life, that show that they are not themselves or trying to be something or dont recognize when they are some place socially not recognize that its the drugs, weed is legal, but unfortunately its too late for my teeny tiny ego, actually making fun of myself.

Its phrases for interpretation, that are made to be viewed as sick, or when stated carry a sick interpretation, that leave room for constant interpretation, and thats what sets the them of insult, that once you introduce a concept of disgust, if you cant get your head around it, and if its something about someone that constantly enters your frame of mind, that illustrates to you a worry that you have affected, so not to make anyone elses struggle in life, a futile attempt at setting the record straight as to where power comes from, within, granted to them by not allowing any misinterpretation of events be used to wrongfully feel sorry for the wrong characters in life, and then be considered someone immune with a government job to be immune, I think its either in your personality or not, why not to mention people from your lives, you remember, you may never be as incapable as someone who gets when things are well and recognizes their own disability, its not them you need to be strong for, its you you need to be strong for, and not become a hazard to the health of those excelling in spite of who was there or not there for them, if you know what happens, then thats how you learn a hard truth, that the difference between someone being prepared and not prepared is being spoken to, that you cant ignore, sorry.

Dear Olympics, Im aware that my body issues, are not empowering to anyone, tired of caring to begin with. Sorry. I can see that being well is not about being looked at, its trying hard, that comes across as insulting, it will be a total assessment of how someone feels upon seeing you, that you bother or represent the issue well.

Continued, discussion from before editing …. where it leads to what discussion or if said correctly then is a non discussion the difference between. Having found something wrong versus not having fond anything wrong and the mistreatment thought deserved transcribed as inner turmoil not the burden to admit to by anyone who cannot be accused of purposeful infliction. And the treatment defended the f one responds poorly if if assumed is responding poorly the basis good judgment is then by observation in which one us either encroached being read into unwanted then if you found like you are not describing yourself then it’s read as coming from you in a selfish way without consideration for who thinks that’s you are not recognizing another’s discomfort that is the shoes of the observer or the person who thinks is related or being used for insight insult taken for the temporary space of being right that energy is not the strong energy or something as simple misinterpretation it’s taking anything personally which if is the philosophy focused ok is not shining light on something applicable not applicable to my story but as applied then to that period in time resonates with a solution for accepting those feelings if not stemming from another and not coming Fromm ones own actions ideas beliefs memory without being told or trained on how to get back to a confident position without alluding to changes undergone when not well as not like or similar yo any situation past if experimental once online not be judged as being so freely stupid with anyone past or be mislabeled for comparison as though one did not live up to standards no one is responsible for or make the issue clearly responded to by all gave anything to do with me or my improvement what worked for me past then if per situation different what wikis be different about hiw I’m responding now or whether for lack of clarity assuming that an issue discussed is relevant to my current temperament as though this is the situation that if found out about is a triggering event for me mentally to clarify whether if brought up and not about me I’d anyone toward me on what basis similarly have I ever been treated and in defense of self would he a losing argument to not accept everyone’s discomforts whether lifted better if separately voiced not be credited to any systems of putting people down which in this case goes not benefit anyone including me the stance from which strength is garnered neither comes from the past not strengthened by current turmoil and any turmoil not responded to be viewed as by poor pictures taken as lacking the candid sensitivity of professionalism required of a real model or actress and wrongfully accuse who is of us not demonstrating love does so in a way that’s rejects or or by viewing a generally deplorable instance of capture which upon exposure cannot replace respect lost or to me period poised properly a wasted energy would be to post properly the best because the best cannot undo the worst, then that means the gravity and scope of who’s affected who does not know why affected is stemming from a discomfort that does not persuade attentions way from to others but creates a greater burden to not impose a discomfort through discussion of by ones own merits solution with denominating anyone’s position in life as being scripted or for broad interpretation be suited or viewed as in conjunction with who either doesn’t know you closely or does know you from online then treat you as though you speak knowing others know you with an argued for closeness they are assuming you impose in advance for consideration of anyone who does not feel a closeness to you argue or project in defense of self that a discomfort originates from you or by interpretations anything you’ve said past or present so that no one in defense of self has the burden to explain whether your discomforts are an arrived to state of being or created for interpretation not insult anyone from your life as being responsible for any mental health issues faced through the discussion of life who’s in your life not in your life or who can understand and comprehend without insult moments when you are not similarly at peace or at a point of closure discussion wise be misconstrued as carrying on conversation or discussion of issues until a later arrival point of insult is when your stopping point does not match the stopping point of another in terms of the seriousness necessary be conveyed without unnecessary insult to anyone who is not going through the same things you are going through in life and who also does not want to be responsible should you feel misunderstood and also not have anyone to explain to you what it is you are having difficulty with if it’s a mental health upside and had nothing to do with anyone assuming that anything you’re going through has something to do with them.

iPhone Note (2-2)

New Running Log (August 2021)

08-05-21 – Weight: 180 lbs (Goal: -10lbs)

Medication: Clozapine 1 month – continue.

Start day meds again 08-04-21 (50mg Vyvanse) – Discontinue new psychiatrist $300/appointment to treat hitting my head & voices.

Goal: Start work today + get car fixed this week needs an oil change, and light beam out.

Total Weight Gain in Treatment: 15-20lbs.

Total Time in Treatment: 05/01-05/17, 07-08.

Blogging Goals: Keep it positive continue to write based on what I see how I see and what occurs fir me through writing what I’ve learned.

Sleep Routine: Make sure to sleep every night stick to a bed time no writing in phone at night. 

Personal Goals: Not disappoint or upset get stuck in a problem, be vocal in a problem, or lose track of the scope of my problems versus what everyone else is going through, be cautious not to speak with assumption or blame for something personal with other things ongoing affect anyone so no one who is known is brought down by anything I’m going through personally that I cannot deal with on my own reason with anyone hurting me assuming of thinking it’s deserved or that by hurting me a greater result of good can occur when I am harmed personally or professionally.

My Goals: Are to work blogging us in lieu of work to improve chances of getting a job not for the purpose of attentions without a job be viewed as an easier job than a job that pays. 

Goal: Not make my life difficult respond poorly to anything not known by all of being attentions to anything that is hurting my mental health be forced to explain the actions of anyone toward me as though I brought it upon myself by anything I’ve said not helpful to all. Whether I’m late to the damage that has been done to any outstanding opinion of me, it’s not my responsibility to improve or be put under pressures that if I am myself or continue to move forward in life be treated as out of spite or without recognition for losses need not be argued or misconstrued to be about how I carry myself privately as though that differs from who I am in public to be thrown among a broad comparison of bases for denominations acting public figures in general or be told things to be remembered and articulated back through me in a public way that resonates with the issues sought to be spoken through me to see what is a personal loss what is a public loss to identify what losses I’m affected by be treated as not arriving to solution in words and instead be forced to take insult or be treated as someone who lives a life without taking into consideration how others feel or think be bothered of not bothered on the basis of insults assumed or later conditions thought derived by insult to illustrate that I’m not or was not in a recoverable condition not affecting most and once placed in a condition of being found in error (nude photos) that supports a negative viewpoint whether resulting in voices or not not empathized with which is the standard defense to anyone not needing to care or in defense of others situate self on the side of being understood where they are coming from and further situate me as not to be understood to on the basis of another’s opinion of me knowing me for a short period in time and taking it upon themselves to tell everyone how it is knowing me in private and misrepresent my cares in the world not be viewed as an insensitive demonstration of writing in public learning lessons in life I would not expect anyone to know the answer to standing in my shoes or the shoes of who thinks that self-harm of both ex means wants attention negative of positive because one does not get attention think that the weakness to my confidence or personality is changed strengthened or weakened on the basis of what I look like of sound like which is assumed to be a natural condition of responding or not responding to discomforts which can then be used as a basis four deserving of not deserving what is heard which if I get auditory delusions means that I’ve find something wrong to demonstrate a guilt that cannot be defended and only made worse the more certain another gets if I reply in the negative or don’t improve strengthens how they view life or sign or significance of exposures or demonstrations as worthy of compassion or unconditional support or understanding or in the reverse be viewed as on the way to wellness without having done the work to earn trust which is not plentiful but treated as though a longer leash exists between doing well speaking well and being well received if not day to day then person to person and word by word which means that another’s impulse to derail my progress is on the basis of thinking that I sound speak and behave the same for the purpose of arriving to a higher point of feeling in life without crediting what’s well said as being derived from within on the basis of being okay with myself and others being okay with me which by most peoples standards in how you live freely not by bothering others and not by assuming that anyone who insults you intends to do so out of protection for their interests even if not the same also fo not wish to be misrepresented by you through your discussions in defense treat you as an “if found out about” situation to see how long it takes for you to figure out why you feel the way you to what you can do to prevent feeling that way who is of us not available to help you, and whether in the time it takes for you to collect yourself, you’re given the opportunity to adjust accordingly without being viewed as guilty for not recognizing in short what it is your going through and also not be insulted in the time it takes for you to describe things in a way that who is presently insulting you is not affected by you that’s speaking for who is hurting you without describing what is being done to you and allowing for the time to pass where they have enough energy to continue hurting you and changing you because they think they know how you work because you have so openly shared about life and what you think that the opposing side ups more motivated by failure on your part and that being easy to prove by the issues and stigmas you already face be used as excuse for your demonstrations or discourse without the effect or memory of what was memorialized about you that resulted in a loss of respect that’s in a thought deserved retaliation of you as though you being online was to talk about life like of weed anything less than beautiful like most people have imperfect experiences in life learn lessons and that’s how life appreciates over time not necessarily always put into words and in detail all the things that people let go of in life if seems once there us one interaction remembered it becomes the goal of anyone present who does not view you as being thoughtful forces you to be at odds pretending to have been someone significant to you who you have felt insulted by to illustrate for you how a loss occurs in your life once people don’t care about you and furthers that’s belief by describing you in public as someone who when asked to provide photos not in the mood to illustrate or demonstrate something for their memory bank a phase of life you have to explored yet, selfie’s and photos to companions, which the age of maturity and exploration is generally not at age 30.