blogging is back up! …

gold ipad beside stylus

I thought it would be a good idea to only focus on one website at the time being, while my mental health issues were very severe and have since gotten better. I don’t think there has ever been a day when I haven’t pushed myself. Its just like that. Some days are more difficult than others, and its been by keeping busy, that I have not allowed myself to get so sick, that I stop moving forward in life or functioning for that matter, its been a struggle. Ive had good moments and bad moments and I think by sharing my first website made on Weebly that illustrates well the journey I took through my thinking and my thoughts about life and sharing as I went along. I think its only recently that I haven’t been in the advice giving mode, that takes time to do research and to write articles, I think with mental health issues, you just try to keep going each day, and if I had something to write that would be of benefit to anyone trying to understand mental health issues then I hope that I have been able to help in that way, even when I was not doing well. It takes awhile to get going, I was on several different treatments for “schizophrenia,” the diagnosis is really scary sounding, and it is that scary painful to endure all the symptoms that it has to offer and glad that I have made it through the majority of what seemed like hell, basically, in bed all day, cant move, not reading, and not writing much. So whatever comes to mind, nothing comes to mind when you are suffering, you don’t feel well, your thinking is off, you don’t feel good about yourself, and you don’t try hard, its like you cant try hard, that inner motivation and drive isn’t there, and nothing goes right for you, and because I did not want to allow for myself to go downhill in life I kept trying, finally found a set of meds that Im comfortable with, and therapist, and new psychiatrist, its expensive and I cant afford the medical care on my own, and I have to work, I cant just be a blogger, like most people, and monetize and make up a course for everyone, I don’t think that I went to law school, to take any risks or be a business. So there is stress with blogging, its something you have to be well for in order for it to do well, I remember when I was checking Alexa everyday, it was incredibly stressful how to maintain an audience, how to improve my writing, that required that I finished my masters degree, and learn how to free read books something that Ive never done on my own, only now, and learning how to edit, I think my recent post, I went back and changed a few time, the rest of my blog was written without editing at all. -So life isn’t perfect, I have an incredibly successful blog with 88k monthly viewers, with a very painful past, recent past, and things did not get better before they go worse for me, and you just have to continue moving forward in life, even if there is nothing to talk about, that stress and pressure, is that you don’t want to go through it again, failure, lack of performance, staying home, not improving, so that’s what blogging is for in spite of not doing well, continued to reflect and think about life, in a way that I was already thinking about life, before my life took a turn for the worst with mental health issues, so its not always about the year you drank, or that one breakup, that sets you off downhill, it will be a steady decline, in motivation in life, that you wind up doing nothing with your life and no one wants to be in that place in life, where you aren’t doing anything, it can be incredibly painful to not be able to get a job, and theres no reason why anyone on social media or blogging should prevent them from being able to get a job, or be a cause for concern, that your personality is out there, or not likeable, Im just glad that I finally put my blogging on my resume and graduated, two positives in one year in spite of all the hecticness that going through COVID had to offer, I will never stop thinking about life, or being paranoid, or thinking too much, or being too concerned, or not reach out to people during any time of need to see who needs help or whether I am someone who if they know helps them to see better anything that they would not have seen had they not heard from me. 

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