abuse, blogging, negative judgment, negativity, trauma

The Nightmare Continues …

Its not been an easy year for most people, and while I have tried to cut back on blogging, there is one thing for sure, there are not so many fun benefits of blogging, such as the paranoia that you get from any harm that you have suffered in the process of opening up. I don’t think we are all afforded the opportunity to be met with peace and privacy, it seems that once anything gets started in the wrong direction toward you, it continues for so long as you will allow it to affect you, so don’t. This past year I suffered from: (1) identity theft (2) online bullying and (3) mental health issues (a new diagnosis). Its not been easy to say the least, I think the most hellish part of everything is getting people to stop hurting you, thankfully people are going out of their way to let me know that I am being hurt and smart enough to be able to identify who the real me is, which isn’t me on Tinder right now, someone made a fake profile and is sharing pictures and talking to men online pretending to be me. That’s really disconcerting, it’s the type of experience that would probably would have made me self-harm in the past or go into addiction, but Im not that person anymore and I don’t want to continue to suffer from unwanted pressures in life, caused by people who don’t care about me, my reputation, or my ability to stay well, to me it seems like they just want to follow along and hurt me and watch me suffer and that gives them pride and joy to see me struggle. You know no one has it easy in life, not me not anyone, we all have to work, we all have to date or get married, we all have families, or have to start families, we all have careers, and education, we all have different paths in life, and just because anyone has crossed paths with me in life, does not entitle anyone to hurt me, or to accuse me of not being a solid person, genuine, who attacks all tasks and topics with care, whether that be no interjecting my current troubles during a time when its more important for others directly affected by 9/11 to memorialize their experiences and what they have to say about how their lives have changed, I don’t think that whats happening to me in life right now, reflects anything that anyone wants to be concerned over, not during a time of tremendous pain and stress that’s already going on, following COVID, and the losses in Florida, and Afghanistan, and recent school shooting. There is a lot going on, and while there may be a lot going on for me personally, that’s not a stress that I want to expose my fans to, or my following, who I wish to remain immune from what happens to me in life. Its really no ones fault, if I am not liked, or if its easy to pick a fight with me, and win. Im not the strongest person interpersonally to handle a fight, that doesn’t make me a wimp, that makes me human. Im not someone who need to fight with anyone and assert myself in order to be considered a person of value or importance. I think you earn you stars and stripes overtime, and maybe that something that bothers anyone who does not like me, doesn’t understand what makes me smart, doesn’t understand why my blog is doing well, doesn’t understand what there is important to read from me, well one day when you become a writer, and have to entertain the attentions of 89,000 people on Pinterest, you too will come to understand that value of time, time to my life, that’s 36 years, and not a minute to waste fighting, or arguing over who has it better in life, or who deserves to suffer, no one deserves to suffer not me not anyone, and no one finds it easy to move on, when someone keeps attacking them, during every intermittent phase of their personal development, from sick to well, and tries to take it upon themselves, to ruin someone elses progress, by adding another crises to their life, for them to have to divulge to their audience to protect them from being harmed by someone trying to harm me. 

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