When a Life is Ruined …

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If you ever feel stuck fixated on what’s gone wrong in your life, that’s a normal process of healing and thinking about life, maybe your analysis won’t be agreeable, maybe you won’t sound clear, maybe what it’s about is not understood with compassion, maybe you don’t make sense that’s mental health you can’t always explain what you’re going through and if you can’t explain how you feel and be met with help or advisement then sometimes you are left with feelings or problems in life no one can help you with, have compassion for yourself no matter how many odds are against you in life. When they say it’s not only you or you’re not alone, that’s to remind you that everyone goes through difficulty you’re not alone, that’s to remind you not to sound selfish or dramatic so removed from recent experiences in life or turmoils faced by others not to interfere with that progress. Leave alone. If you’re not put together don’t let everyone else make decisions for you where belong or determine what’s wrong with you that’s disability you lose all your power in life and have to accept that there is something wrong with you. It won’t matter later whos receptive to you – you can never at a later point talk about the past as though it occurred any differently, that’s upset, you’re maybe not understood, someone might take your condition mood or isolation personally, and so another is justified and so that pattern repeats entitling anyone to assume that your problems are of your own making. Return back to life, avoidance will be your biggest regret. You can’t make up for lost time. I experienced addiction (cocaine), rehab, job loss, Deans List, friend loss, voices, mental illness, disability, lethargy, learning disability, experienced breakups, being dumped, not getting into law schools, losing my JD, being at the top of my class, being at the bottom of my class, I’ve been hired, I’ve been let go, I’ve done public speaking, I’ve experienced alcoholism, I’ve experienced addiction, I’ve experienced self-harm, I’ve experienced being ignored, I’ve experienced being rejected, I’ve experienced not being replied to, all your experiences make you who you are, and so long as you harp on what you’ve struggled with or lost in life due to addiction, misinterpretation, mental illness, you will never be that loved and reliable person you were so long as you let others take a bat at you in life, so size yourself up, what can you work on, can you be less needy, can you complain less, can you demonstrate more respect, can you be more helpful, can you be less stupid, how can you remove from your system of responding in distress or become aggravated everytime something goes wrong for you in life, even if someone tries to destroy your life trying to tell you how it is to make you feel bad, feel sick, so you suffer become disabled you have a choice, you either accept your reality the way it is and let them win, or you start taking better care of yourself and not allow those losses to cause you to give up on yourself no matter who gives up on you or thinks less of you, you owe it to yourself to continue to live life absent minded all the pain all the suffering all the embarrassment all the miscommunication, all the intimidation, all the threats, all the voices, all the things expected of you – what is your threshold tolerance for stress and start there, what will you allow to happen to you and what will you seek to prevent and not tolerate, you can’t let life happen to you and go with the flow of someone else’s agenda to end your life for you, you are not nothing. You deserve to live life, you deserve to work, you deserve to not be retaliated on or treated like you hurt yourself or anyone in your life, all separations hurt, all fighting hurts, all losses hurt, the point in recovering from failure and insult is to not waste energy in defiance or immaturity that just wastes time and proves nothing, if you become self destructive you are then the only person who can fix what’s wrong with you no ones love or attention or expertise can fix that your willingness to heal, think, change, and better yourself even if that doesn’t amount to peace with people from your past, once someone does not want you in their life for whatever reasons is bothered by you respect that space move on. That’s not how you get strong reading into why someone thinks less of you – if you let yourself get hurt don’t expect anyone to understand how that happens. And if someone feels hurt by you because you are not who they expected, don’t expect them to care or defend you.

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