abuse, advice, blogging, job, self-love

The Search for Inspiration …

We all want to be inspired and to feel loved, it’s a good feeling. That doesn’t mean that we are all geared up and prepared for those types of feelings in life, I think you have to be in a good place, in order to share a positive feeling with another. If you have ever struggled with staying positive, that could be the one battle with yourself, that’s keeping you from having more promising relationships, it really takes the wind out of your sails. Recently I have wondered what are the causes for being standoffish, and how does that affect the ones you love, when you are withdrawn socially or romantically. So make yourself a priority, and the ones your care about, and don’t just let life happen to you, be an active player in all your public affairs. Life can be busy, and you can either make time of love, or let love hit the back burner, the last thing you want to do is worry someone you do care about, not feeling tended to, that’s the risk you take in engaging with people, either you are ready to entertain the other, or you chicken out, -don’t chicken out. Love is one of those feelings that can “takes us as high as the moon, only to have it plunge us deep into disappointment.” [1] I think romance is one of those things that is now shunned in the work place, and that makes sense, its an intense emotion that is usually best suited between consensual parties who want to share that energy with one another, it can get extremely personal, when someone wants you in that way and you become disinterested, its like they take their own feelings of rejection out on you, when you were never a party to condone those types of advances to begin with. There is going with the flow, and there is being played with, I think in relationships where there is no hooking up, you are not required to put you love and attention into a person of romantic interest, if you are not interested in them romantically, work settings can be extremely close, so while you will have to adjust your settings to please who is above you, you are also not required to be the supplier of all of those things that feed their insecurities in life, there are other partners in life for that, such as wives and girlfriends. I think Im one of those people that people like but don’t hook up with, I was that type of girl in high school and in college, “one of the guys,” and didn’t have very many girl friends, that’s just the type of woman I am, not the one that they date. So in being accustomed to having platonic guy friends, I was shocked to realize that in Los Angeles, its not the same way, its either romance or the high road, and that much you don’t expect to be treated as someone who they want your heart, and then give love to another woman, who needs to be in a relationship, where they want confirmations that you like them and care about them, but then aren’t brave enough to like you back, and then treat you like youre the one who started it, I don’t think that relationships where there is not hooking up are started by just one person, I think it evolves overtime, either by doing favors for one or the other, or for allowing for yourself to be treated as to boss, and to be controlled, you get used to people overtime, I think that everyone is different. I am only mentioning this, because I stopped working and applying for jobs, because it was not clear the dynamics, of being close to your boss in the workplace, I think its an incredibly complicated feeling and was actually recommended against, “don’t hook up with your boss,” was what I was advised by an older lover who was 48 at the time I met him when I was 24, my go-to advisor when it comes to who to hook up with, when youre single and have many options, don’t just go for whos convenient, and ended up dating someone who lived in Orange County, turned out to be the best choice for me at the time, and someone who was willing to marry me. When things don’t work out, think who are you choosing to give your love to and is that choice an appropriate choice for you, it can be an incredible waste of time vying for attentions from the wrong matches in life, or wasting energy pleasing the wrong people in life, its bound to end in a messy and confrontational way, and that’s not the type of reaction that you want to deal with, from someone who you don’t know intimately and are not hooking up with to be treated in an upset kind of way, by someone who is treating you as though you were not loving enough during the time that was spent with them, and when that time ends, for them to be cold to you, as though you didn’t put you heart into the work you did for them. 

Reference:

[1] https://www.chicagotribune.com/suburbs/glenview/ct-evr-love-essentially-tl-1020-20161013-column.html

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