There are a lot of benefits to staying positive, not only do your thoughts make more sense, but you are able to enjoy the peace and quiet of a day such as today. Its when you play into the negatives that the tension is raised, for me I get ulcer sore throat or a burning in my throat, and that’s allowing the stress from your belly to carry up through your throat to your head, which causes your head to hurt, which makes you not feel good, so don’t forget to breathe. Im reminded to get my mind off of things whenever I experience symptoms of mental health issues, so whether that’s remaining in disagreement to a feeling brought on through the discussion of my life the way it is or by what is done to me, the only thing in my control are my reactions, and controlling how I feel, not allow someone to affect the way I feel by bullying or criticism, whether that’s in real life or through voices. I can understand where the negativity is coming from, I worked so hard to build a website that works and can be followed and read by others, and never in my life would I give that up, over some impulse or sexual desire, that’s not what sex is for taking risks, it should be done when it is calm, on a quiet day such as today, when you feel at peace and when things are working out for you, it requires a bond with someone to feel safe with another, that quiet calm in your belly, when things are at ease, that can occur through talking with someone that you trust or hearing from someone that you have a crush on or like, its an exchange that occurs with someone that you like, its that belly calm, that calmness within you, and in romance there is an upper cloud or feeling of tranquility when you can be yourself and open up, and sometimes there is a hyper joyful feeling that you feel with someone that you like, when you feel like non-stop talking, or sharing ideas, and thoughts about life, in a non-obnoxious way. What is a non-obnoxious way of sharing your hyper feelings with another? It means that your humor is not secretive or in tune with negativity and that you are not playing up to the negatives or “crime stories” or allowing yourself to be made fun of in that respect or those closest to you. That’s veering away from the “obnoxious” which is stuff that people don’t want to hear, stuff that doesn’t feel good, stuff that makes you feel sick in the belly, things that don’t mesh well with you, and it could something or a feeling or idea, what when it goes to the head doesn’t make you feel good. And this is the problem with mental health issues, either you let things go, or your audience has problems letting things go, and part of the difficulty of being a top blogger, is that those things don’t come to mind which hurt the belly and which hurt the mind. According to verywellmind.com, “Emotional pain is pain or hurt that originates from non-physical sources. Sometimes this emotional distress is the result of the actions of others.”  So its not that obnoxious people intend to say or do things that they think make them feel good or will make others feel good who think like them, the point is that with mental health issues, not to allow yourself to be bothered by what you think in response to seeing someone, or assuming that anything is about you, let alone to make fun of you, its not your fault, what happens to you, but what is your responsibility is how you respond to various stimuli, and maybe this is how IMDb comes into play, its by what comes to mind, and part of being a writer, is either to approve of, discourage, or be okay with things, and I think that the more you mention the more people get a sense of where you are coming from, whether you are conservative or not, and what will or will not be funny to you or your audience, and this is where being a sensitive person comes as a strength as a writer, I think being humorous, its assumed that you are insensitive to the moods of others, and if you are joyful or smiling or doing well, for people who are not feeling well to take offense, sometimes not until things are serious or put into words do people let up, in terms of allowing you to have days where you are happy or doing well, and to allow you to go through things such as flu or sore throat (currently) and not be so hard on you if there is something out of your control that is inhibiting your ability to perform. Being online is a tremendous responsibility to perform in front of others and know what to say, and filter what you have to say, so that when read in general does not subject you or others to harm or negative opinion, I think when you are not doing well that’s not a condition that another needs to act for or on behalf of, which the assumed result of defaming me, for bad things to happen, if I am not doing well, and I would never allow that to happen to me, and I would never sacrifice my blog made with care on a daily basis, to something personal, stated, what makes people on the other side of me in favor of another, and then begin reacting at me or toward me, on the basis of defending another, who they feel is offended by me, or thinks is being offended by me, and that’s how you get treated on the short end of the stick, to the favor of the other, which is why when you are having mental health issues, understand that most people feel safer than you do, and if you are a blogger, understand that most people don’t have to share their lives online in order for things to begin going right for them in life, or to open up opportunities for them in life, work wise. Everyone is different, its true that the more open you are, the more available you are, the harder you are able to work, then its true that those opportunities will show up for you in life, and that’s how life works, much like smiling or being friendly, the same goes for blogging, it exposes a side of you, that allows for others to get to know you, so that there are no surprises, the only deficit with mental health issues, is being able to be consistent, and not allow for circumstances to causes you to respond poorly, or for others to not know where it is coming from, from a psychology standpoint, or psychiatry standpoint, whenever there is something wrong with you it assumed to be coming from you not coming from an outside source, so always do your best to put your best foot forward, no matter what happens to you out there in the outside world. I know that no one is immune, no inner circle, and no outer circle with a huge audience, makes you immune from being hurt and feeling disconnected, depressed, lose composure, stop taking good care of yourself, stop being social, stop blogging, stop dating, or being in romantic relationships, and stop feeling good all together. Upon graduating I was hoping to get a job and start dating again, its now been two years and not much progress that’s from getting hurt, it changes your attitude, its changes how you feel, it makes you insecure, you lose confidence, you don’t perform as well, its hard to smile and to take photos, you don’t feel like being loving because you are afraid of getting hurt, and you are really sensitive to criticism, and critical feedback blaming you for your own circumstances. I think when someone is going through a hard time its hard to understand and its always easier to be around people when things are going well for them, the current issue with me is why am I not happy if I am doing well and setting goals and moving forward, and my response is I don’t know why Im not feeling good, I don’t know why Im not hyper, I don’t know why Im not modeling or vlogging, I don’t know why I have not been blogging, its just a response to taking new medication that I have slowed down in life, and that doesn’t mean that Im depressed, or suicidal, or self-harming, I was told that “head hitting” is about frustration and doesn’t mean that Im suicidal. So instead of feeling frustrated and “hitting my head” I have decided to start blogging again, I meet with a therapist 1x a week, I meet with a new psychiatrist 1x a month, I will try to go to AA meetings again 1-2 week, I meet with a career coach 1x a week, I discontinued a life coach certificate course, I am applying for jobs and interviewing for jobs and waiting to hear back. Moving forward takes time, the goal is to be consistent, I just started walking everyday again 30 mins, and recently lost 10 lbs. So just learn to accept people the way they are, not everyone asks for pain or hardship and its not ones job to play god and make everyone think poorly of someone simply because they are not getting love from them or because someone does not want to be loving with them, there is always time to move on and to appreciate people who were in your life, when at the time were able to be loving with you, and to accept people when they move on and cant be loving with you. Im hoping to feel better in the next few weeks on Dayquil/Nyquil and continue to move forward in life and not be so co-dependent on messenger to log all my activity and progress and start living a more private life, limited to all my logs on my phone, and get back to writing, and sort out my life one blog post at a time, it takes time to build confidence and positivity and this is how I was able to feel good about myself, get a good head on my shoulders, to be able to work and date again.
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