What is attention for? Time is valuable, it doesn’t matter if you are 36, 22, 60, or 40, your attention matters, and some things are not worth your time, let alone people. Its what you pay attention to, that affects your working memory, your functioning, your ability to speak, and your ability to think, all of which in turn affects your comprehension of matters, reflections on life, your life, and where you see yourself in life presently, and if you are gifted and able to plan ahead, not all of us have been afforded with such strength in life, and some are limited to managing just their right now, such as myself. If youre not doing well you can relate, all attention is uncomfortable, being watched closely, being criticized, all of that hurts, it’s a physical pain that occurs when there is non-acceptance of you, that’s an expectation for you to be doing well, or doing better than you are, maybe by someone who thinks they are better than you, or better suited to speak, or to hold discussions of things presently affecting you, if you cant be the expert in discussions of your own life, who else can be, theres no one better than you to reflect on life and how you are feeling than yourself, that’s for sure, not everyone is adept at explaining to you what you are going through or how to manage what it is you are going through. No one can help you, if you cannot identify what is going wrong for you in life, and no one can make happen for you an ability to function in your reality, whether that’s working or dating, not unless you are fit to hold such positions in life, nothing comes easy in life. This is why we are told to wait, or to work on ourselves, its not a good idea to engage with others when you are not feeling well, that’s a good time to stay home, reflect, and to work through your issues on your own, and if you are so privileged to work on those issues with someone willing to help you like a therapist, or a government official. Not being liked, is difficult, its hard to understand why, and even if you are doing your best, you cannot control what people think, what they see looking at you, or how they feel, that’s at their own discretion, you cant make people like you, and you cant convince people of what to value about you, they either see it and recognize that potential, or don’t see it at all. So that’s who is who, and who is above who, who is excelling, who is independent, who is dependent, who is smart, who is struggling, who has disability, who is able, who is caretaker, who is patient, who is friend, who is lover, who is companion, or who is family, not everyone can be considered worth confiding in in life, and this you learn as an adult. There will be an immediate discomfort that follows upon opening up, to someone who doesn’t care, so that’s the risk of speaking in public, there will be people who care (comforting) and people who don’t care (discomforting) so that’s how that occurs, upon being known, this is why they recommend being comfortable with yourself, or successful in some way, if you are going to speak to a lot of people, and that makes sense, you cannot allow your insecurities, to cause you to question yourself, you have to have some grit and determination, and level headedness when it comes to split decision making, under pressure rational and analysis of situation, and disclosures appropriate or comforting during times of need. Who is your audience? First who are your supporters. Secondly, who are your haters? What are the issues? And what are the causes for a disrespect. Usually in defense of the negative opinions that they hold, seek to minimize the good in those who they seek to punish through improper discourse of the needs, lives, and significance of people who they do not see as important, and that’s not okay to do, not by someone who is well read by many, and accepted by likes, and known to people on Facebook, we all have lives before we are harmed, and its in the life that is lived after you are harmed, that makes it hard to get through to you, and hard for you to reach others, or to talk to people, that’s not being responded to. When you face challenges and difficulties that no one is willing to help you with, or approach you to console you, guide you, help you, correct you, inform you, explain to you, don’t let that become a circumstance in which anyone just calls negative attention to you, that can eat you up inside, and cause a tremendous difficulty and deficit, which is not your fault, to be ignored, usually when we are ignored, its because there is something about us, that another person, does not need, does not see the value in, does not want in their life, a negative energy that has been placed upon you, whether by your own life, or what is though of you, and that’s what causes a pain, a pain of being alone, and not being able to get better on your own, stay determined and don’t give up, there are ways to help yourself, without anyone talking to you or helping you, dating you, or hiring you, such as my life for the past 10 years, a writer. That’s how I helped myself, and overcame losses, suffered by disability or mental health issues, this is when you have to remind yourself, who cares, or why should you care? Everyone is leading their own lives, as you should be doing too, so if you are keeping busy, those 10 years will fly by, and no one will have noticed a day in your struggle, and to me that’s being a good friend, keeping my problems to myself, and separating myself from friends, loved ones, family, and relationships. That’s how I overcame mental health issues, going to the hospital, seeking treatment, going to therapy, going to AA, past non-acceptance, its when you need help, is when you are ignored, others hard on you, annoyed with you, or avoidant, there must be something about you that is hard to confront you with, either you have lived a life that they see as lived differently, or you have to “start living your best life,” despite what was thought of your life, prior to the point of disability, and afterward not make a big deal of when you were struggling, that should be no ones fault, that also doesn’t mean that its your fault, or you should be made out to be someone who does not live carefully, thoughtfully, hardworking, doing their best, and that’s how photography can ruin your life, its by one bad picture or a few that you get judged as someone who looks that way everyday, or because you are capable of looking like someone who is not approachable or off or weird, that you get viewed as someone to not care about, to disregard, or to not have compassion for your “mental health” issues, you either encourage that negative attention toward you, or discourage that negative attention toward you, once it becomes a game of confirmations to the egos and intellect of someone who does not like you, they will not feel good if their list of things they think about you is not confirmed or supported and if you appear differently than they imagine or want to confirm those beliefs, then its either you get sick so they feel better, or you do well, and they decide to let go of that anger or resentment toward you, and stop using force upon your identity, to transpose their own thoughts on life, we are not all test subjects and crash test dummies, those are improper psychology experiments, to blow yourself up, and minimize and squander the value of a human being who does not deserve to be treated with disrespect, who has never disrespected a single person I have encountered in life, approach all with respect = distance, keep to myself. Not being in anyones life was my solution, and things only got worse, and while Im new to socialization again, through messenger, I still have a long way to go, when it comes to actually talking to people, and having a life again, a life that I think I deserve, not file for disability, and stay home for the rest of my life, on meds, sedentary, or obese, or hearing voices. I don’t deserve that. Voices occur when people don’t like you, then everything you do or say, you hear the voice of a crowd responding to your writing, face, or video, like they are a team of researchers or scientists, then mess up, injure, or affect by sending your voices, to affect your mobility, progress, functioning, appearance, and that’s how they feel power, in treating you like an animal or a specimen, what needs to be glassed up are voices, not people. And what needs to be stopped, it turning people into test subjects, and not treating them like human beings. You get knowledge from yourself, not by watching others, and you get power in your own abilities in life, not by watching another abilities, and you feel good about yourself doing things in life, not waiting for things to happen to you in life, and you feel good by attention, when you need it, not when you are busy, functioning, working on yourself, or improving to be introduced to the world, or get to know people. Its rare for people to feel immediately good or big by you, and that’s all having to do with perspective, when people see clearly by you, that’s a good sign, means that you are having a positive influence in the world, then there is not feeling good, similarly, anyone who is struggling and doesn’t feel good, then they will not feel good by you not feeling good, and they will not be able to help you if you are not feeling good. I am someone who is expected to help others, Im not someone who can be helped, and Im not someone who people reach out to and try to help, Im someone who is avoided, and expected to know how to help myself. I am also someone that people give a hard time, smart to, interrogate, and expect better of me, it must be what they see or hear in limited doses, that causes their head to not feel good, not by my progress, or by any conversations about me, or by looking at me, satiated, that’s hate, its only enlivened when they feel big strong or clear, and they cannot be made clear when they don’t feel good, which is why when you don’t feel good, that’s how hate gets worse not better, although they cannot make you feel good, you are less likely to be harmed, when you are feeling good (which if you don’t keep to yourself), gets thrown back at you, with motivation to hurt you or injure you, so you physically don’t look or feel good, and that makes them think that they are entitled, to changing you, to better their position, condition, or spaces in life, that’s not being liked, it’s a problem.
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