I haven’t been social in years so attending the Genesis Invitational golf tournament was a big deal for me to sit and have lunch with a group of girls, and wait in line for cocktails, and just be around people, I haven’t gone out since I got sober 2017, so although I was sober at the tournament I enjoyed being around shouting fans and people walking around with cocktails and beers. I didn’t meet anyone, I only pen paled a golfer #MattKuchar because I was standing in his line while he was putting and wasn’t sure whether my Zara printed outfit was too loud, but he sunk a 17 ft put on the 18th hole so I’m glad that he redeemed himself. I’ve been trying to lose weight but wasn’t sure, definitely came out bigger in pictures and heard one guy behind me say “oh so your big in the middle,” not sure whether he was referring to me but took that as a compliment anyone trying to talk to you or speaking for you to overhear I take as a compliment means your in their audience to their talking and they’re speaking loud enough for you to hear not sure whether that’s the same for everyone but for me it makes me feel apart of when I can hear other people talking I feel like I’m being invited into the conversation. I haven’t been that confident in a group of people in a long time last time I attended many years ago I ran across the grass back up to the club house and sat at the crowded bar writing on napkins … I thought I was coding or CIA or something crazy I’m sure I thought the people there knew information that they weren’t sure that I knew so I was writing my top secret information down that’s how bad my schizophrenia was especially when drinking everything was serious headphones on ignoring the world and in my zone trying to figure life out. I’m in a much better place now, I can be around people, I feel included, everyone is nice to me, no one bothers me, and I feel more like myself -actually I can’t remember the last time I was comfortable with myself around people! That was a surprise. Plus I’ve been taking golf lessons so this was a positive inspiration to keep practice it’s so therapeutic to be on the course I would really enjoy the quiet time to just play golf and be out in nature, that’s why I picked CU reminded me of summer camp to be by the mountains I used to go to sleep away camp in upstate New York at Camp Pontiac. Anyways … those are my thoughts for the day, gearing up to start blogging for Level21 Magazine, a little nervous, but I think I’ll be okay, if I’ve been this comfortable blogging on my own, there’s no reason upon giving it my all that I will write fun articles for their magazine. Look forward to sharing my work have my first work meeting this weekend, and will start blogging/writing for them soon. Wish me luck.
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