I’m Now Aware …

There’s a general dislike that occurs whenever a system of understanding is hurt to not allow for mistakes in thinking or to be judged as someone trying to assemble a poor thought on a history in a way to draw attention to things or circumstances not to enliven the spirits of criminal conduct behavior and thought. I don’t misdirect my thoughts or the thoughts of others toward negatives. I’m a careful citizen, who lives a quiet life and doesn’t go out not in college not in my 20s and not in my 30s. What’s disturbing for the sake of leaving alone all excuses thereafter is the issue with my pen name was not with the mental intent to draw negative attention to my sister in laws song or to Sydney’s mom bring to life or try to bring to life a poor set of ideas or memories of what life is like their lives and how life should be viewed. It’s more important to focus on what’s helping people to move forward without insulting the past or worse yet triggering people to believe that it’s okay to make fun of people by committing crimes to make fun of a country’s coping strategy for moving forward which is not to make fun of crimes or their victims in jest there is nothing cute about that and that’s not what the song is about something that did not exist at the time the song was made was about her not my experiences in life or who I was dating to make fun of me or my experiences. I just called 911 twice, visited #laxcourthouse once and may continue to visit for another 30 days until things settle down for me and I begin to move forward again I need to do that much work to earn my peace in life and not be treated separately as a joke not be considered apart of what’s working for everyone. What’s hard for the head to believe is where you think there us some secret messaging or intent by pen name foul that is not agreeable to your tastes or comprehension of history and how it was made think that I am focusing on the wrong things in life or trying to compare and recreate scenarios for understanding or comprehension of the issues. My suffering is mental health related that’s a physical illness caused by voices that causes me to lose focus, not feel stable, scared, intruded upon, and as a result when your head feels hurt you become upset and that’s normal then your speech is slurred and you don’t sound right and it’s difficult to communicate your frustrations which are not understood not unless you communicate to the discomfort of others toward you making fun of your solution for your mental health issues or criticize your philosophies in life as destructive if you get voices and hit your head. To get out of mental health issues that’s manual labor running everyday and writing everyday voices don’t stop it’s a continuous flow of negativity on you to disrupt and disturb your speech and sense of peace in life to see what’s stored within you good or bad comprehensions and understandings of life when your in peace you are less likely to feel this happening to you changes to your tone, posture, and what your face looks like. Obviously I am hurt that someone is hurting me and I’m sorry for anyone exposed to me, my face, or my body, who doesn’t want to see me or feels harmed by the way I’ve been exposed there is nothing that I can do about it I’m talking to a detective, #toddspitzer, call the courthouse, and call 911 it’s not the solution for me to hit my head or to sound disjointed or shout about things like it’s urgent or important if it’s only something that’s bothering me that not everyone needs to know about like my mental health, thinking, thoughts, recovery, intelligence, sex life, academic history, or work history I always do my best and nothing is for show. All that improvement was real and like anyone else when put in harms way triggering voices that’s upsetting and hurtful to me causes me physical pain, internal digestive issues, and a hemangioma in my liver from stress. Either you respect the condition of someone who has schizophrenia or you don’t but you don’t go on beating up someone to hear what’s going on inside of them because you think that there’s is something wrong with their brain or body that is not evident not unless there is harm done to elicit for responses communications behaviors or changes to illustrate that a person is not stable or there being something wrong with them to declare that what they have to say is wrong. I don’t false advertise I wrote everyday for two years that was hard work, I got likes and hashtagged, I wrote books, I attended AA, and I dated and went back to work there is nothing that I have done in private or in public to solicit for negative interpretation of me of anyone for not doing their job to respond to complain nothing is improper about who I choose to speak to based on who is willing to speak to me that’s normal. My problems are serious it’s either I’m supposed to pretend and forgive if I’m being made sick for admission that my thinking or writing is improper or made under the influence of a negative thought belief or understanding that another comprehends is wrong and is trying to prove that there is something wrong with me.

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