blogging, exposure, intimacy, misuse, personal story

Your Body Your Temple …

Quick ways to get motivated, usually involve, recognizing something that you want for yourself then going out into the world and creating that for yourself, either by looking at yourself in the mirror, where do you stand, where do you want to be in life, or sometimes we feel inspiration turning to others, recognizing something about them that we want for ourselves. Everyone has a different black swan moment, Ive noticed in intimate relationships your other half may become stronger as a result of interacting with you, and wanting to improve and focus on themselves, I think if you become needy this sends the opposite message to them, that you don’t similarly feel empowered to work on yourself, and be strong on your own too, absent them, everyone is different. There will always be avoidance to what weighs you down, so unless you are in a relationship where the other doesn’t feel weighted by your interactions of closeness, then that is best, just always make sure to let people know where you are at in life, there is distance for a reason. Your body your temple means that its your room in life to fill with it what you want, either taking in the peace of the day, or resorting to unhelpful thoughts or feelings that can fill your body with things like stress, frustration, upset, and pressure. What is your internal regulated state of mind and being, and where do you need to be in order to feel like yourself and function in the day? According to one medium author, “The difference between the stressed and the calm is not the amount of load in life, it’s how they handle the load.” [1] Today seemed to be a fight over what needs to be said, what has been said, what Ive discussed publicly, what is discussed privately, what are my present goals, what is my outlook, and what is my solution for overcoming a position of not feeling well, tired, unhappy, laksidasical, unmotivated, frustrated, or upset. I think in public there is a general agreement for things to be palatable to the tastes, to make sense and be presentable. I am never one to false advertise, Im pretty upfront about my issues, as well as my limitations, recently shared by video on my reels, I don’t do well with secrets, and I am not someone to hide information or feelings from others, I don’t bottle up well, Im a writer, so if its something that Im thinking about or going through it is definitely something that at a later point in time when Im more collected plan to share about if I have it in me to be able to put into words or go into detail about a feeling or a set of thoughts or thinking, how that makes sense in this moment, or with what is going on for me and others, and what I have to say about things to either make things better for myself or others. I think when you are not in a clear state of mind which occurs when (upset, bothered, frustrated, hurt) you can feel clouded, if you feel upset and you are not clear (then you don’t verbally speak well the tone and the energy from your voice becomes shakey, disjointed, and have difficulty anunciating and speaking clearly). This is why writing helps, if someone is judging you based on your face, look, posture, energy, they will not know if you are sound at heart and sound at mind if they don’t hear from you and this is the pressure of social media, its either continuous or not, and if its not continuous and if it is not consistent with a mood or a look, anything inconsistent to a mood or a look, is viewed as though you are not stable or don’t represent who you were when you were consistent, why its important to be consistent online not inconsistent. You pave your own way on social media, its for you to present to the world what it means to be you, and share with the world what you look like and sound like, and its up to them to accept you and all your colors, what you look like and sound like one a good day, and what you look like and sound like on a bad day. I think in writing its easier for someone to see that there is something going on within me, that is clear, when it seems like I am serious, or upset, its better for me to slow down and to put into words what Im going through even if its not commercially expected, everyone has different problems, and I wouldn’t put anything online that wasn’t true, or that I wasn’t going though in real life and working on, if I didn’t think it was important to be honest with my audience, so they know whats worth reading, or when to back off, who knows who is trying to better understand you and why, and sometimes people would rather know whats wrong with you then to not say anything at all, like its supposed to be some secret about you that others are supposed to be uncomfortable about keeping. Just like you can have fast reactions to improve or to wake up, people will have those reactions to you and in their own lives too, and that’s what to be careful of on social media, that if you have someone who does not like you watching you will feel a down or heavy energy, some weeks I have spent asleep in bed all day not knowing where the heavy feeling is coming from, its best if you can figure out right away through editing what to say or leave up and whats not appropriate to leave up and be studied by others. That’s social media its concentrated on, so unless its an energy that you want others to concentrate on, be careful of losing that energy to your audience, if it’s a positive, not feeling heavy if you share a positive (my present problem). I used to be someone who could share my goals as I went though life, but with someone who does not like me, everytime I feel good, he will make me not feel good, and everytime I try to move forward or find someone new to love, he will make me feel bad about myself so that I don’t feel good or question myself, and I don’t think its fair for someone to make you not feel good so that they can feel good, and this is how I am affected by hate, hate tries to control you, hate tries to manipulate you, hate tries to get in your head and make you not feel good, and hate thinks that they are smarter than you, hate is a parasite, that feeds off your life, and then tries to see changes by doing things to you to know whether they have power or not, instead of just controlling themselves, they expect for what they do to you, to come through you and to be presented to others for them to dissect and that’s how hate feels smart, when they feel understood when there is compassion for their need to control you, or scare you, or make you feel small, that’s when they think that they have power, and they will not feel like they have power unless they see you and hear from you. Its for the same reasons that people will talk $hit behind your back but not to your face, that its easier and feels good to talk $hit, but that when they hear from you or see you, then they don’t feel like it, that’s people who talk $hit, it sounds good in their mind, but in your mind it hurts your clarity, and that’s what makes people who talk $hit feel clear, when they see a person become unclear, that’s what makes them feel smart. So your body your temple is also about what you are willing to allow to affect you, do you need your internal regulated states to be going by the attitudes and the hurt caused by another, do you have to adjust to their temperament and address how you feel, how does that irk them when you are not feeling good, and how does a person who is irked by you feel better, when they don’t feel like they are hurt when you are doing well, someone who is irked by you, does not feel good when you are doing well, and a person who is irked, cannot feel good, until the feeling is evoked in another, that irk leaves them, and that’s how angry or unhappy people are made to feel good, when someone who they assume is doing well and feeling good no longer exudes those traits they feel like they have successfully changed a person into someone who appears to be irked or unmotivated not changed, and that’s when the comparisons are drawn. When you easily stand out as someone who is unhappy when you are obese and when your face is ugly, is how hate affects you, to differentiate you from other women, who are successful and happy. So its my body and my temple, means its not my choice to be obese and ugly looking, but when I don’t feel good, its my responsibility to fix my face and my body so that I don’t represent what he thinks of me. Which if I gain weight and look unhappy or ugly, then he thinks he is doing a good job hurting me to prove what he thinks of me, then wrongfully accuse me of being a reflection of my view of myself or others, no that’s me letting him win when I don’t stay well, and when I don’t stay well or become suicidal, its not fair to me to let him win, and for me to die sick, or sick in the head, because he is sick in the head for hurting me, because he wants something from me, to be close to me, or to get love from me, I don’t have to give love to anyone who does not love me, who does not respect me, who is not sensitive to my story or who is around me, that much I don’t owe this person. He can read my blog with everyone else, and learn how to clam down and be appropriate, its not me that’s inappropriate, its him that’s being inappropriate toward me and in public, using my identity on godaddy to attract unwanted attentions toward me.



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