There is no almanac of exactly everything you should know to make good decisions for yourself in life, that’s part education and experience, and sometimes you have to live life for yourself in order to fully comprehend the meaning of difficulties in life. Based on where you are in life, or who you are in life, don’t worry for those who throw wedges in your life your way, to disrupt your systems of thinking and stability, we call it unprofessionalism anything that can be demonstrated by you not being who you are or illustrates you as being something you are not to others expecting you to be anything along the spectrum of fun to conservative. To me there is a such thing as being fun and conservative, and unlike most people who have to choose between the two personalities types, I feel like Im allowed to be both, based on the progress I have made through blogging, to allow for myself to shine in all my colors online, had I not shared videos and pictures along the way, there would be no acceptance for the changes that I go through and what my face looks like, based on who is talking to me, watching me, or attached to me, you would never think that that’s possible until it happens to you, without getting into the science of it or assumptions, your health is your health, its apart of who you are, and all your feelings matter, including who or what you are thinking of or about, and how that is in turn affecting how you feel about yourself, the look on your face, the exact product of how you feel, some are better at hiding this, more so than others. I think the subject that trips me up the most is when it comes to gun violence, and how my cares are represented through my writing, to either remind you of things to worry or focus on, or to help remind you of what matters and what to think less of in life, and make your problem to discern, we are all on our own when it comes to this stuff, you allow yourself to care as much as you want, and sometimes when we care whole heartedly, more healing takes place than trauma, that’s being honest with your emotions, unless you say it, sometimes nothing can be done to fix what is bothering you. So in an effort to be more compliant, in terms of what is expected of me, and be the conservative person I was before private modeling took hold of my reputation and identity, I will do my best to continue to blog, and this time promoted on blogpros, pay the monthly fee, and distribute my work and grow my following. I feel like with fewer followers limited to those made to read your work, or who feel compelled to follow for personal reasons combative, that leaves me with a few obsessed, and fewer admiring onlookers, which adds to the pressure that’s already felt, discussing certain topics. It may be a free Country, but we are not all experts in what matters and how we go about talking about things and it would be a shame to make things political in terms of not liking people so not liking a subject through their discussions that others have been helped, that’s not the solution to bettering ones perspective, to beat up who you don’t want to hear from, to hear more negatives about them, in order to make more negative things happen, that you can blame them for, that’s not my doing, and that’s not my purpose, or sabotage of myself or enabling others to sabotage me by giving my power away to cause others to question me, or to make me question myself as though I need help or some ongoing admission to there being something wrong with me. A diagnosis is not an admission to being wrong or doing things wrong or thinking things wrong, it’s a chemical imbalance, that when it occurs affects your feelings and what you think, and when your feelings are affected, it affects your thinking, and when your thinking is affected, you cant go by feelings and read yourself, which affects how you sound to others. There is no advice that can be given in this type of situation. Either someone is reading with expectation for sickness in disbelief, or someone is reading with expectation to be made to feel good. If you are not someone who can be trusted or who is not respected, then you will have trouble writing to an audience, who is receiving mixed messages from someone pretending to know you or thinks authorized to explain your condition to others, I think everyone knows me the same, besides anyone speaking to me in private has only been exposed to what I look like self-harming or suicidal which is not a side of me anyone sees because it has only happened 2009, 2017, and 2020. You can’t stress people out because you expect them to feel good and to feel good with all people, if things are not good for me yet, then please don’t expect me to pretend like things are good and kick my heels up like I have anything, if nows not a good time for that, when there are lives on the line, important people to take care of in my life, and a new job of impressions to make in life. So that’s the difference between me and how someone sees me, someone who sees me thinks, why not have fun and make her look stupid, whereas I am I have worked hard for 36 years to fix my face, stand tall, and get a job, and its not worth sacrificing my time and ruining my life talking to someone who does not respect me and wants to make me look stupid.

How much of what we feel and think should we take responsibility for. If its up to us to feed a machine to “learn from examples” and provide “the logic based on the given data,” [2] why is it not as easy for us, to think of the positives, when something is being ingrained into all of us to cause us to think of “movies” or of specific characters “Elle Woods.” If it is something that is bothering you don’t let that bother you, its common for people who are trying to hurt you to get you to think about them, so don’t waste too much time thinking of those who seek to harm you, or cause you to think as though whats in place is problematic. A problem will not occur until the misuse of a work product, or until a work product is misrepresented or used in a way that clouds the meaning behind something of value to be mistaken as not being of value. So this is why to practice gratitude and to value others, and for what you do know in life, including people, such as myself. Anyone I go to talk to about what is bothering me, calls its schizophrenia, and I don’t understand how that is fair for someone to know me, and to pass a judgment based on where I stand compared to others, and convince me that there is something wrong with my thinking. Im allowed to have reservations. Anytime I go by my instincts things work out for me, and things get better overall around me and safety wise. Whenever I am made to go by others, specifically when doubt is expected of me, or during a period in which I have to prove my innocence, and get the “voices” to back off, which are “negative attentions,” things do not get better until I am physically stable and able to withstand pressurized blows to my self-esteem and psyche. I am still getting headaches at work, working has not been easy, and not especially with gun violence ongoing, and also for there to be any assimilation made between my identity and the causes for gun violence, blame me as a human being, my being is strong, my identity is strong, my reasoning is strong, my presence is strong, when I am around others, its is expected that I be strong, and when others don’t feel safe by me, its because they can sense that I am vulnerable as exposed to being picked apart in life, so there being something wrong with me, and that is not something that others want to be considered as having any part in, the wrongs of others, or be misassociated to someone who they see something wrong with. When someone tries to designate there being something wrong with you, its to assimilate you with people who are mentally ill and commit wrongs, and that is wrong to do, to get people to think poorly of you, so that you cannot function in life normal this is why I did not go to work on Friday, because I was not feeling well, responding to too many people, and need to focus instead on myself, and what I look like. When people are thinking poorly of you and based on incidences think that you should or should not be doing well or functioning, having fun or not have fun and have no one suffering, it will be based on what they think you have done wrong, and will be looking for proof of you not being well or not functioning, to wrongfully accuse you as having done something wrong, on the basis of you either smiling, well, fixed face, or broken faced, speaking clearly, or not able to speak clearly, just like in anytime of war when there are secretary’s by the phone typing, and the length of time it takes to get a message across, should be brief if its to fix a problem, that’s common sense. 

References:

[1] https://images.app.goo.gl/H3wgQiSSXnUy471G8

[2] https://www.edureka.co/blog/what-is-machine-learning/