Personal Update …

Today was a peaceful day for me with no delays, back to normal. Sometimes I get panic attacks and stress out, that’s what the prozac is for. I recently wrote about coping with inner turmoil, I don’t have any anger at the moment I’m at peace sometimes I’ll write not relevant to my life but on a topic I’m familiar with. A past condition was self-harm and feeling suicidal it’s been awhile since that was a problem for me. It’s been a few months since my last episode of self-harm. To me self-harm is about feeling aggravated and bullied it’s hard for me to respond to negativity that’s just not how I talk but I guess some people are different complain and talk $hit manipulative and condescending I’ve never seen myself as above others maybe why I’m approachable and I can talk to just about anyone. The goal is to feel good a lot of things don’t make me feel good like dating or trying bumble, texting, messaging, responding to harassing emails, there are better things to do than to subject yourself to threats in life it’s unfortunate that there’s someone obsessed with hurting me trying to be close to me. I don’t understand what that’s about. To me negativity really causes trouble for me in my life, I get voices, I get paranoid, I get frustrated, I get aggravated, I feel sick, I throw up, I’ve been sick since last Friday, I felt like my head was gone and today felt an earthquake at the mall not sure if there was one, so just need to take care of my health. Why I want to lose weight because at risk for heart attack and stroke as obese. I’m really trying to keep an even keel, although my posts sound energetic and detailed it’s really only if I have a lot on my mind and need to talk which happens once in awhile when everything’s too much and I’m passionate about what I have to say. Mostly I’m lonely and have no one to spend my time with, I’m working on talking to new people. I mostly text with the police, FBI, and government figures, I just don’t have anything to talk about with people, I feel like what bothers me mentally is not normal stuff you talk about with people which probably explains why I have a blog to talk and start somewhere. I’ve gotten more normal over the years but it took time. Being exposed was a very stressful experience that made me suicidal and was hospitalized and now on Invega shots, there’s really nothing I can do to stop this person from hurting me and making me look stupid spreading rumors about me he doesn’t know me at all I have no one in my life and I blog so there’s no reason to treat me like I have secrets everything about me is online or in my phone so I’m not sure how much more transparent I could be. I’m lucky to be in a position where I’m moving forward, finally, taking it one day at a time. Not sure what my future looks like, I’ll see how I’m feeling I’m pretty content with how my life is now, and nothing currently stressing me out other than responding to this person who’s contacting people talking about me going through my phone. Since when is that okay, people just take and take and take and take and feel entitled to a life that’s not theirs it’s my life not his life to ruin. I’ve done nothing to this person, but work through mental health issues and tried to be loving when I could eventually past fighting things don’t work out (I have disability I used to be in bed all day I didn’t have the energy to keep up with this person and his demands) … when someone is making fun of you because you grew up close to The Simpson family he thinks he can just capitalize on the Kardashians and ridicule me as though I’m for comparison and that’s not what coming forward and sharing your story is for to be put down as unimportant or not influential in a positive way. A positive figure in society who has been through a lot and who has found success anyways through writing gained popularity online and is relatable to most who suffer from mental health issues the day to day struggle with staying well and getting better. I’m finally in a place where I feel at ease I used to take night meds in the daytime because everything was so hectic stressful I just wanted to sleep all day, I’m no longer in a place where everything feels painful or impossible. Although I get headaches recently I’m just getting used to going to work everyday, so far so good. I’m proud of myself. I’m happy with where I am. I don’t need to get married or date to be happy I’m content I have #toddspitzer to write to if I need a companion or help with goal setting overcoming mental illness suicide and self-harm. I don’t know how things got that way but I’m so glad that I’m not in that place anymore where my world is upside down and I feel like I’m dying and can’t move and everything feels heavy. I’m doing my best to be strong. Next is to start walking everyday again to lift my spirits. Thank you for following just need to rest today and enjoy a quiet day to myself, get my alone time to rest. Will blog again soon and try to do some research with citations. Goodnight, take care. Sincerely, Leslie. 🌸

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