Eventually we come to our senses and realize that it’s just a bad day, maybe the morning after being upset or anxious, or after a bad interaction or demonstration of self or thinking, and that’s okay, we are allowed to have bad days, when things are just not right, and have lost our sense of peace. For someone with mental health issues, it can be a frustrating process of not feeling good, to feeling good again, and a lot of work needs to go into that: writing, journaling, talking to a therapist, attend AA meetings, be social, check in with friends and loved ones. The more you can get outside of yourself the better, the worse things will feel all bottled up.

I’ve been lucky enough to have had two men in my life I was madly in love with and were around during my good years (2004-2013) independent and living alone, an academician and worked part-time, always busy, never dependent on meds, and didn’t drink much alcohol, never went out until my senior year in college, then outpatient rehab, that didn’t last long. I’m not the type of person who can party hard and work hard (no offense WeWork Documentary). I’m the kind of person, who is either well sober, or can’t function using, that’s just me, I’m not meant to take breaks and cut loose, things usually turn out for the worse for me in the event I do lighten up, but I’m doing my best.

Before I encountered mental health issues and put on night meds. You never think that that would happen to you, being a law student, well adjusted, social, and high functioning, working everyday, and so it did. You will never know why, so stop worrying so much about how it happened, and do your best to function as you are now, it can be hard letting go of how things where, and to sit in a state of despair feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If I can get through it, so can you.

I’m also the kind of person recently who gives up trying, call it self sabotage, but when things start going well, there always seems to be something that comes up for me, that causes me to fall off center, or back into psychosis pressure and “voices,” it could be that I’m doing well, and not immune to not feeling good again. If it’s happened once it can happen again, that’s mental health issues, it doesn’t go away, and becomes a permanent circumstances or set of feelings that you are reminded of and suffer from once again, as soon as things start to go haywire, or made to feel bad about yourself. So having more is a struggle with mental health issues, it’s hard for others to imagine how you are well, if they have seen you not well, and it’s hard for people to have faith in you, if they expect for you to fall sick again, making a good impression becomes more difficult with mental health issues, it’s as though you are well and perfect, until all the parts of you that you’ve been working on, symptoms, begin to show again. 

Having been in love a few times before, and now with mental health issues, it’s easy to give up on a better life, one that is social, and with time for romance, who doesn’t like romance! So don’t feel bad, giving up is normal for someone suffering from mental health issues. It’s all about feeling good about yourself again, and having a better grasp on your symptoms and struggles don’t give up on what was working for you, and don’t be afraid to start over and try new strategies. “It’s easy to give up on something you want if you feel like someone more competent is also going for it.” [1] To work on myself presently I decided to buy books on Amazon, one is a CBT journal, and one is a book on schizophrenia and psychosis, from someone who experienced it, and talks about it’s definition, which I found interesting and helpful, especially as a blogger, to avoid creating delusion, or by sharing what I think or who I talk to “Political” “Professional” or “Celebrity” not make things seem so real, if not, and especially not without replies, that would make nothing official, or help with clarity, so keep that in mind. 

According to samhsa.gov, “Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder that causes people to interpret reality abnormally. People may experience hallucinations, delusions, extremely disordered thinking and a reduced ability to function in their daily life.” [2] So maybe visiting #toddspitzer on second thought is not such a good idea to journal and make up speeches off the top of my head on Instagram, “#BLM Marches are Over Leslie!” Yeah I know, so was President Barack Obama’s term, why I became an OFA Fellow, I seem to miss the boat in most things great, head in the books, focused on my future, which never really seemed to happen until now. That’s me having a sense of humor about things, but I’m sure that it will seem weird, or too much, passionate, and I might look or sound upset, but I’m sure that is just me trying really hard to identify the issues, that may be cause for me to be misunderstood. 

References:

[1] https://collective.world/heres-how-not-to-feel-threatened-by-anyone-again/

[2] https://collective.world/heres-how-not-to-feel-threatened-by-anyone-again/