I took myself to the hospital and called for help, because I was getting frustrated and sounded like I was giving up in life, and I don’t fully know why I don’t feel good or what is causing that. So this just teaches me that what I have to say is important and what I share, if I immediately get sick, think what is it that I’m saying and what does someone think of me, and how will my life turn out upon sharing, will what happens to me prove that what I have to say is correct or will I get sick, to prove that what I have to say is wrong. I think I wouldn’t say anything unless it were true, I have called enough times for help to know when I can help myself, versus falling sick and not being able to help myself, physical illness. I think you have to take into account everything when you feel sick, and not give up, and when you are not feeling well, all the more reason to be positive, thinking in the negative can’t help, wont make things better.

I think recently I shared very openly on a few very painful issues and feel exposed in that way, and I don’t think that it’s an easy subject for me to talk about, so excuse my defenses and irritability, if that’s not what you want to make your life about, and if that’s not how you identify, then you don’t have explain how that happens or what are the reasons, I think sex is a very personal issue, that you don’t need to talk about with others, and is none of the business of others, what your sex looks like, what your body looks like, who likes you, and what your value is, that’s for no one to determine by looking at your body, determine how long your life will be, if you’re fertile, can you have a baby, are you used up. I think women take this very personally, when you start judging a woman by what they look like, seek to determine the value of a woman based on what someone else thinks, what about her?

I think to not feel well, never in that time, did I talk about anything loud and confusing and speak in a way that hurts the sense of anyone, I think that subjects are difficult and you have to accept the new rhetoric that is being made on the subject as it occurs, and its not fair to judge me based on my rhetoric compare me to others who more positively demonstrate what a breed or kind looks like, we are not the same, my dream was to lose weight and get married, and that’s my dream, so dating ___ is to pursue that dream, because that’s what I wanted in life, to have a companion, my dream is not to become gay, so I’m sorry if you don’t understand why people aren’t openly gay and out and practice gay, I think I have no desire to practice it engage in it or identify by it, if my dream and all my running was about being loved by a man. This isn’t a “knew it” moment for people to have fun guessing the sex and identity of people like that’s whats fun identifying whats wrong with a person, just by looking at them or hearing from them, you know life will not always be that easy where you will know what another is thinking or going through, most people don’t speak, don’t describe how theyre feeling, and don’t ask for help. And most people are not popular bloggers with an ability to speak to issues current and bothersome, concerning.