I think the hardest thing about having mental health issues is being told that you are a reject or that you will continue to live a difficult life and that things will be this way for the rest of your life, its sometimes without hope that you are left in states of being that you don’t think will get better, can have your feelings hurt and think that things wont get better, no one really gets the hang of having a mental health issue no matter what the diagnosis is, that’s untrue, everyone including me can get sick again, can need treatments, etc, not everything will work for people, you have to do the work to be who you are in life and to stay feeling good about yourself and maintain your potential in life. I grew up with there being a lot of stigma and shame about rehab or hospital, you feel like you don’t belong in the world, its hard to talk about, and I think the more open I was about it, the easier they thought it was, since I didn’t get into detail about how many years its takes to get well, seemed to miss the point of me smiling or doing well and getting a job, not everyone will be proud of you or think that you have the permission to move on in life, sometimes that’s what hits you in life, what stops you from living life, and its up to you to sort out what your troubles mean for you moving forward and figure out what things are about and why. I finally got a job last year and thought that I was set in a long term position, I wasn’t expecting for my Father to pass after the first week of work, just telling him the good news, he was the one who encouraged me to apply and calorie count, or to get COVID at work, you think you will have been through the most difficult aspects of life at that point, and work even with a headache, make it to the 3 month mark to determine whether you can stay long term, but unfortunately I missed doctors appointments and told to go to the hospital when I was doing well and working, having some delays, but for the most part living each day and working and no day was long, sometimes life gets interrupted, and your options in life change, based on whats on your social media, sometimes punishing you is peoples way of getting you to focus 100% on who you love Todd, and what hes going through, make that your problem, by telling you you have a problem, and then blaming you for all problems, until you can figure out whats causing problems, and if its to be proved that its not you that’s causing people to attack, then that will the point of punishing you and telling you to go to the hospital, thinking that you are known and pissing people off, therefore to be stuck in any later condition for realization, is to blame my condition for anyone else giving up in life, or blame my identity as being a hard life that doesn’t make others feel good, or try to argue that knowing me in common brings up a bad result, I don’t think that knowing me in common results in bad luck, and I don’t think that my character is so weak and disappointing or unreal that anyone is trying to prove me wrong in life, as though I carry on as something Im not. You know when bad things happen that’s something that everyone wants to know about and how if possible could be prevented, and that’s what writing is for, that doesn’t mean that I know whats wrong, or know why anything is wrong, all I can think of readily would be what people think is wrong with me, and why people seek to cause sickness to me to explain for anything else going wrong, to claim that its coming from me, what designates you a source of things not working out, how good does your life need to be to reassure others and for others to feel integrated and successful in knowing you. When it comes to creativity you are as good as you are feeling good, and that’s the frustration toward you in the event that you cut back providing writing online, people think you are taking back permissions, or you are not allowing for uses, or you are not participating, or you are giving up, or you are blaming others, or you are not working hard, or you have encountered a problem, or you don’t feel like helping, or you are not feeling well, or whats not working for you, or you are not working towards fixing what is going wrong for you in life, there are so many standards to go by and I wouldn’t know at what point mental health wise, or physical health wise, that you become unworkable, or a no, or hurtful to try to make things work, what is the catalyst to things not working out for people, I think whatever happens to you is not always deserved, not until you are able to describe what its like to be done by someone lesser, who makes you look stupid, feel bad about yourself, and cause you to change, to not talk, or to be weird and for people to think that there is something wrong with you, that’s growing up as a woman, you will feel good until you don’t feel good then that’s up to each of us to figure out how to feel good and look good, and not let that be about anyone except for caring for ourselves, and making sure that in the future things don’t happen to us to make us look stupid, or cause people to lose respect for you, or cause a discomfort toward you. Don’t let anyone ruin your life, be clear on what you are about, don’t make your sexuality a problem for discussion or to be thought about by others, if youre not wanted then youre not wanted, nothing is joke, including the picture that Ive chosen for this post, there is not such thing as mentorship if women cant respect one another or trust one another, or feel comforted by one another, no one wants to live a bad life, and if you are a woman who can teach anything, it would be for acceptance of different experiences in life, and to love yourself anyways, and to not be made fun of for who you love or improve by, that’s no ones business how, its called getting a job, staying healthy, exercise, sometimes love is not about sex, its about things being okay in the head, its being at peace with people, its things working out, its life not being difficult, its feeling understood, its not about lives ruined, or lives lost, that doesn’t bring people together or solve the problem or heartache, there is not timing for love and even now many years later, past COVID, Im still not able to move on and things are still difficult, and maybe that’s what life is like for people who people are not happy for, are not excited for, are not hopeful for, do not know how hard it was for a person to get going, to start writing, to work, to love again, and maybe that’s not what talking to a DA is about guilt or anything having gone wrong, the love lasted for so long as things are going well and its on that basis that things continue to be well between you and who you love otherwise things are difficult, the more issues you face, the harder your life is the harder it is to be around people and to have a life, its not in anyones best interests to have mental difficulties from blogging that’s not what makes a good blog having problems is not how content is made content is made based on being in a better place than you were and able to talk yourself or someone else through a difficulty without leaving people in silence, or made to feel bad about themselves, or believe that anything is wrong that isn’t wrong or going wrong anymore, sometimes things can be fixed in writing, and that’s what we learned 2023.