Removed Post

Originally Posted: August 15, 2022, 10/24/22

When the silhouette of Todd appeared it was like wings on his back and through a puff of smoke he appeared his hands in gloves like he was ready to pick me up and fly me to the next location, not yet I told myself, maybe he doesn’t know how much I love him, it felt like strangers, but I have hope that somewhere deep inside him is the Todd I’ve come to know love and adore and he tried to shake my hand, you have to earn your light in life through acceptance of you, I guess that’s the difficult part of life negotiating for what you want in life and all the emotions to avoid feeling owed to eachother and starting fresh not in a burdensome way help one another.

He changes as much as I do, much tanner in person than I expected, a strong posture, and spoke clearly not into me or at me but gently to me, took a minute to warm up to each other, I was relieved that he wasn’t upset with me just wanted me to properly introduce myself, I’m sure that I’m too assertive in retrospect, that I’m not just a nobody and someone important, will have to think of better identifying factors. Seems like the fact I went to law school opens things up for people you want to meet in life they recognize why you’re introverted or soft spoken and see that you’re a thinker just with a lot on your mind so quiet than most.

I got lost on my way home from the mall, there’s great shopping in Orange County, went to the outlets mall, it took two maps to find the adidas store, purpose for travel, why I went, I got really cute sandals, in pink. And headbands from a $2 cart, “everythings two dollars,” and bought like 5 headbands, I couldn’t decide on whether to wear it exiting my car the second time to drop off the free flower too, a sunflower. The bouquet was white, I got lost on my way from the mall to his house I wasn’t sure if I was going to visit, daytimes a good time to visit for the first time, and passed by a flowers dot com store that was closed, and drove to the next nearest florist west of where I was headed, that’s okay for some reason it took me 2 hours from the mall to get to his house, I was at ease that day, I think I only stalled once. You have to keep going in life if you want to have opportunities in life to meet people, doing something with your life that you can talk about and be proud of. In the end these diagnosis don’t matter as much as what you were able to accomplish on your well days like me and blogging I went through a lot privately but what I have to show for myself over past few years has been viewed in the positive despite set back not working.

I was allowed to email him and waiting to hear back. I’m hoping for more improvement on my end to make it an easier decision for him to reply and to allow me to help him in life. I think I’ve been through enough in life that I know to be careful with my own image and the image of others not to ruin their rapport with people in the world stay proud of who they are and also not to be bothered by the fact of knowing me treated any differently. I was raised to think I was special, and I’d like to make others feel that way too, that’s just how I talk to people or feel about how people should feel, special.