fighting, Film, loss, mental health

Raised to Never Play Victim …

Depending upon how you were raised, without drawing into question the adequacy of my upbringing, which was privileged and fortunate. I was raised to never play victim. Meaning not to cast blames when things did not go right in my life, and not to blame other for any hardships I endured. I never once blamed anyone for my well being, why is it okay for them, upon knowing me to blame me and play victim to my life experiences as shared, of course I experience sadness, remorse and depression, and yes that was because no one cared about me, and that I was living on my own, trying to make an at home job for myself, learning tech. That’s normal, to struggle during any learning phases in life. Never once did I ever blame my psychological hardships, on my environment or because of what goes on in the news. If anything I isolate when things are not going well for me in life. It would be wrong to assume that if I volunteer its because I was personally affected in a way, that I decided to take action against others or persuade others to care because it mattered to me, not because it mattered to be on the right side of life, I did not have a record at that time, or poor standing socially with anyone online or in real life. After you sign up to care, you usually continue to care, however in my case, after you sign up, signing up to begin with gets called into question as whether for the right reasons. What is the right thing to do when things are not going right, tendency is to help prevent problems from occurring not contribute in ways to benefit sides. That’s not how to stop a fight, and if you think simple about how people are feeling, and don’t mix up the issues as to personal concerns then it becomes less about me, or others, and tertiary fights, and more about whats going on in those individuals lives, to connect me, would hurt me, hurt others, and cause me suicide, to treat me as being of fault for social ills, that’s not my responsibility to cure the ills of others toward me, and to argue my positive point of view, should not hurt or injure others esteems, as related to the health and well being of society as a whole. If you get involved to hurt me, to do away with me, to see if anything changes, that is wrongfully using my life as experiment, to try to make a positive difference, you must believe that less of a persons existence benefits society and if to prove so, that you are doing the right thing once things become better in your life, that’s not understanding that everyone is not well at the same points in their lives, and not by any one story can all feel at home, understood, with an intuitive grasp on how to handle all emotions occurring daily, whether those people are in your life or not, who you surround yourself with if, it they matter, than worry less about who is not in your immediate surroundings, let alone blame them for your poor vision or lack of intuition, or ability to stay stable during turbulent times, that’s not how to treat people as removeable, and once removed, stable, to feel better off in life, absent people from your lives, who are no directly in your lives, nor directly influencing any members of people in your lives. That would be wrong to assume that my following is so vast, that it has influenced people above me, and because I have influenced people above me, that they have been influenced by my affect on people with fame, success, and achievements in life. That’s wrong to hurt me on those merits. Its not a misunderstanding, what has happened, by putting me on a side on life, opposite of the right side of life, now becomes the extent to which I fight or try to better myself to achieve a better life, and to what extent I go to feel apart of or on the right side of life, and leave my peaceful life, and face social interactions head on after being away at school for a long time, and not social drinking or doing drugs. Im not street, who is street are those who have been working and out and about over the past 7 years in relationships and with friends, you cannot compare me to people with lives, when I am someone trying to establish a life for myself. To argue that my life affects or impacts anyone else’s life as not popular would be to argue that the sharing of my viewpoints or life philosophies did not contribute in a positive way to overall “philosophy” of the entertainment industry or people as a whole, as though there was some set standard to how things were created and what was believed in overall, that if anything did not fit into the standard of beliefs that it caused illness to those who believed in a system that was working for them. That would be my argument. Once you declare a system is not working, because those from substance abuse backgrounds have passed, that’s an obvious brought into question, not with the necessity of dominating those ideals with new beliefs thought to be based upon a better set of principles or ideas that could bring together better or mend what was not already working for everyone within an industry. That’s not based upon a knowing of conditions and strategies used, that’s based upon recognition that peoples lives have been lost and wondering whether it was because of the content used in their performances or whether it was by some outside influence that caused their mental disturbance, and then to further justify the existence of someone not famous in the public eye, receiving attentions, was not further commended or accepted by them, deemed as a threat, which cause them mental illness leading up to their substance use, and further demise. I understand that much as I am someone who has suffered from mental health issues and substance abuse issues, that’s the connection, not my philosophies on entertainment and how the industry is run and where ideas and jokes come from, that was not a retaliatory approach to sharing that was a positive contribution to the understanding of films in a way that could help us to better understand now, using their characters not my own, that’s a creative approach to understanding, citing to the work of others, never taken nor accepted as my own approach for understanding losses, as being associated to those creative differences. How much difference was there, if there was no fighting and a lot of money was being made, that means the system was working, not in need of correction, and that if ideas were flowing, that means that people were thriving, and if people were thriving within an industry, that how could any one persons appearance online, in the public eye, interfere with ongoing success, or their identity of detriment to the understanding of characters created for film, about whom, about what, or for what purposes. To what extent is it necessary to hurt someone behind their back so that in the event they are even given the opportunity to be successful in life, are treated as stupid not apart of, and as though deserving then as it is now, as it was then, that’s how a team against is supported. Im not that savvy.

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