Eventually you let go, and stop working yourself up over the same things over and over again, that’s called taking a more mature approach to life, and getting your big picture perspective back in life. When you can put experiences back into context, and file them away, with the rest of the days of your life, and continue on, motivated to better and better yourself each day, you have truly moved on from what has broken you, and ready to start a new life for yourself. Its getting there that’s the difficult part. Until you know when to stop, will you stop. Practicing catching yourself in those moments, today in therapy I talked about just that, catching myself in a moment, where I have worked myself up, usually occurring late at night when tired, ruminating, and being overly hard on myself, and where I see myself now, compared to where I expect myself to be, and measure the difficulty it will take to get to where I want to be in life, and with a defeative attitude moan and complain, that generally gets no one anywhere in life, to complain, its in fact the worst thing you can do, when your trying to improve your life, is to complain. In fact, mission.org explains that “Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely. Over time, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you. Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changes how people perceive you.”  That’s right, complaining is a type of negative thinking, that hurts you rather than helps you. So instead of complaining, one solution suggested by them is to “cultivate an attitude of gratitude. That is, when you feel like complaining, shift your attention to something that you’re grateful for.”  According to fastcompany.com “A half hour of complaining every day physically damages a person’s brain.”  Think twice before you decide to share any dissatisfactions in life, if youre going to complain, make sure to begin and end with a positive, and to have a “specific goal in mind.”  It is these “minor irritations [in life that] can cost us [our] mental health” so don’t dwell too much on what is bothering you, and spend less time feeling victimized in life, and spend more time empowering yourself by doing things that make you feel good and “increase your self-esteem.”  Don’t be a typical “chronic complainer” which is one who has the “tendency to ruminate on problems and to focus on setbacks over progress,” or the “venter” who is “focused on themselves and their own—presumably negative—experience.”  Not only does complaining put you in a bad mood, but it also puts others around you in a worse mood, explains why even in negative situations when complaining is typical many hold their tongue, to avoid exacerbating the situation and causing even more discomfort among others, same goes to you. If you are already not doing well, then making a list of lets say whats not going well for you in life, will most likely aggravate you, not benefit you, when it comes to fixing your problems its better to focus on what needs to get done, and what has gotten done well, in order to get to where youre going, rather than overthink about what has passed and not gone well. If its “sympathy and attention” that you want, there are better ways of talking about whats going on with you, without scaring people away, theatlantic.com by comparison says that “when done right, can also have its psychological advantages.” So continue to be “mindful” and its okay to complain, “only when it serves a purpose” and if to bolster ones confidence and self-esteem then by all means “speak up.” 
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Originally Posted on https://www.mymollydoll.com/mymollydoll/what-changes-you-shapes-you.
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