You will reach a point in your adult life and career when you will be assessed on the basis for which you can work well with others, work in the company of others, work around others, manage insults, and maintain your own unique sense of self well adjusted anywhere you go, only now with everyone knowing who you are, a loss of respect occurs upon interactions around you, spoken to as a problem or apart of the solution or spoken to as the wrongdoer someone who purposefully caused harm to another to bring about an intended result a reply or to have someone in your life spoken to with expectation. There is being creative and there is taking chances and when you take chances without proper permissions that’s how you will be viewed from within any cohort as causing discomfort to everyone as though under your leadership a direction or proper way of combing through the issues as delivered by you has been done so in an inappropriate way. I applied to HRW Counterrorism they have my application that’s not what my Instagram was about encouraging behaviors or celebrating losses or wars and threats as though I’m strong enough individually to address and combat those issues with what knowledge I have, to make any promises “happy” or not. As it’s for those reasons I believe I was being terrorized for 4 years hearing name calling and being shouted at alone at home sitting outside. With expectation of me to respond to shouting with the expected assumption of it being about me and to speak to why I think when someone says that word they are meaning me and why and then further expect all incidences or reports of all interactions your whole life to determine whether you have a dirty mind whether you were gay to explain why you were not adored or loved or respected or valued because you seemed like you were not into people into yourself and therefore subjected oneself to insult as being something polar opposite to who they are. There are no covers in life or further understandings becoming something you’re not to understand life better through a different lense, you make choices in life. You either feel good about yourself confident and once you become the type of person who is not confident and gets looked at with disgust or with expectation for explanation as though you’re supposed to have a big picture understanding of how things were made and why, then there is no mutual understanding, if it’s just everyone trying to say I’m sexual and perverted toward men in private in a non attractive way and that’s why I get rejected ignored because they don’t believe that I love them am being genuine and instead now with all the gay alerts on treating me as fraud like I would have sex to replace a feeling or condition myself to be attracted to whomever. If you’re not attracted to me and if you think I’m gay and it bothers you that I’m not craving a mans touch or company maybe that just means I’m focused on myself not because you are not important but because I’ve experienced love already and it’s very painful when things don’t work out and I got suicidal when I was unstable love causes me instability because it’s my number one focus and priority over all other things really important to me who I love and being the best version of myself to be loved back earn it.