friendship, likes, love, relationships, romance

When Love Comes Around …

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By the time love comes around, hopefully you are not too far from your goals in life, to settle down, liking just one person, I know its hard when things are going well for all your attentions to be divided, and for you to have a million goals that come before monogamy, I was one of these people, just accepted whatever love I got, the less picky you are, sometimes that can hurt your options for later in life, if you allow yourself to be manipulated by people who like you, but not necessarily sure about a future with you based on where you are at now in life. So this is part of the reason I started blogging, if its being settled in yourself that’s the issue, or being available for love that’s an issue, then much to do with being able to love another will stem from your own happiness in life, what you are able to accomplish on your own, is what makes you a better package deal when talking to anyone or negotiating for a promise of discussion at a later point in time, when it comes to love friendship and romance. I used to find myself in those types of relationships very loving for the moment, but not someone to share my world with, which is what makes blogging so tricky, you have this world online that you are a dedicated and committed member to, yet you still have to have real world interactions in which all of most of it is based on how you feel, feel around others, and how others are made to feel about you, that’s where your energy comes from. Have you ever noticed the energy exchange that goes on during a conversation, where one either feels compelled to talk more, or wanders off, I think Im the one who wanders off more times than I am the person who keeps talking, which is the opposite of who I am online, where I can be this non-stop chatter box and get hyper off of just the things that I have to think or say which I don’t think is the healthiest. So here is what rd.com has to say about “chatterboxes,” he describes it as a “habit that we hate to admit,” and discusses how when a conversation is dominated by another person, this can in turn require us to utilize more “effective strategies to deal with someone who is always talking.” [1] So what does this mean, just don’t be offended if you get interrupted, that’s someone trying to help you to understand where they are coming from, not necessarily having anything to do with whether you are making any sense or not, and I think that’s the problem, speaking in order to make sense and waiting for a cue to see if you did make sense, then if we get a negative response in return, then think that there is something wrong or defective about what we have to say, I think that everyone has a lot of important things to share about life, if only we could be a little more compassionate and understanding of one another, it will feel like less of a ball game, over who is saying what and why and what we are listening to judge it as bad information or good information a positive reflection shared in conversation or just someone talking out of their own head about things, not for engaging someone else in conversation too to hear what they have to say, why its always okay to ask questions. That being said, tinybuddah.com reminds us that while we are “standing on the sidelines,” if not a painful task, then please do open your heart to hearing from someone other than yourself, and to practice “mindfulness techniques to get fully present.” [2] I think I was the kind of person, that used to think that what someone else had to say in reply, was not always something that made sense to me, I get this a lot I have difficultly relating to people, or understanding what they have to say, whether that’s at an AA meeting, or in therapy, that is why you should leave your opinions on your desk, or throw them out the window when it comes time to concentrate and decipher what it is that someone else is saying, even if it doesn’t relate to you, think about how what they are saying relates to their life, why they tell you not everything is about you. So this requires us to, according to harleytherapy.com, to not “mak[e] assumptions you won’t understand them based on small things.” [3] So all that code you had stored in your memory bank about how the world works, don’t forget not to force apply everything that you think to how you later come to understand others, they may be using a completely different set of building blocks for sharing their own thoughts that maybe will have nothing to do with you, not unless you mention it, then it becomes a problem for them too to decipher. This is something I think that is presently ruining, or making relationships work or not work, our principles, our life philosophies, our likes, our dislikes, and even in a political way what we are okay with and what we are not okay with and why, and its so important to remember, that some decisions are arbitrary, meaning based upon how someone else is feeling, have so decided to interact with you or others in a way that you may not completely understand, everyone has needs and wants, and to not over include yourself in those equations in life, if its not you that they need to hear from, it could be someone else, so that could be them taking out their anger on you, or resentment, for lacking that type of attention from someone who they really admire. 

Reference:

[1] https://www.rd.com/article/how-to-deal-chatterbox/

[2] https://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-advise-wisely-how-to-give-advice-that-actually-helps/

[3] https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/understanding-people.htm

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